How can I encourage my two year old to walk more?

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

I have a lovely 2 year old who I am having lots of issues with tantrums and refusals.

One of the biggest issues I have is his refusal to walk anywhere. We go to the shops he wont walk or hold my hand. If we go to the beach or forest he wont walk and run around he wants to be in the pram (I have to have the pram due to younger baby) or be carried.

I have tried walking away from him or just trying to wait but he just lays on the floor and gets in a comfy position as if to nap!

I have tried making it fun (hopping like a from, racing to the lampost, being a monkey or dinosaur), I have tried encouraging him to look for leaves etc.

He is a bit better if we take his scuttle bug but he will soon be too big for it and I cant carry a normal bike, push a pram and carry a toddler around if he gets bored of a proper bike when out.

I can deal with most of his tantrums about not getting his way etc as I just ignore it but I am finding this really hard! He will happily sit in the pram or be carried instead of walking but this defeats the whole point of taking him out to burn energy as he just wants to sit or be carried.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Sounds like something for when a lot older if it involves him running ahead of his own choice and asking questions. I hope I can get him walking before that 😭

Why don't you try indoor exercise at home. so set up an obstacle course made of pillows or something like that.

He wont do stuff like that yet. If I set anything like that in the garden ( we dont have space in the house) he either ignores it or knocks it over.

He isn't really at the age of following guidance or instructions for how to do an activity 😕 i'm not sure what age he will be able to follow activity instructions.

Have you spoken to your health visitor? I'd expect him to be interested in some things that you could use to motivate him, have a good understanding at this age (even if his speech is behind, which also could need looking at depending on how behind), and be able to follow simple instructions like jump on this pillow and run to the next one - that sort of game of stomping on things or knocking down a pillow tower and then jumping on them is usually right up their street. From what you've written (and I appreciate it's only a very small view of what's happening) he just seems apathetic and lacklustre about most of life.

Sympathies! My Gds was a nightmare non-walker until he was about 4 - however he would RUN anywhere, which just wasn’t possible on pavements close to traffic. He was a human hurricane anywhere he could run!

We didn’t think of a buggy board, probably well worth a try.

We havent had health visitor yet. Nursery have no concerns about him (besides his aggression currently) and say his sppech is coming along great.

He can follow instructions like sit at the table or lets go outside, tidy up (rarely does it but understands). He is just a but wild. At home he will bounce from 1 thing to another in seconds. If you try to set anything up he just knocks it over or walks off to something else. He doesn't really care for planned rasks hes more of a tornado 🙈

So whilst he can follow an instruction he just has no interest in following them.

How is his coordination? Can he use cutlery, or draw much? Can he get his own coat on?

I do agree there could be something medical based on your later posts, especially the amount he sleeps despite not being very active. He sounds a bit frustrated and I wonder if he can’t manage some of the usual toddler play for a physical reason. Not pain necessarily but coordination or tiredness or both.

DD was reluctant to walk but very hyper and in trouble at nursery quite often. Similar to your DS but without the sleep. She turned out to have a very very small degree of cerebral palsy (we got told she was fine by various GPs and it took a private neurologist & MRI to get the diagnosis). So while she was able to walk it was a lot harder for her. I’m not suggesting your son has this (unless there is a reason he might? Preemie or not breathing at birth for example?) but there may be something medical going on.

I dont think there is any coordination issues. He runs around at home, he can kick a ball, he uses a fork and spoon to eat. I haven't taught him to put his coat on yet but he doesn't like getting dressed so I haven't make that a priority. He can climb like there is no tomorrow he climbs up climbing walls etc. Nursery haven't raised any coordination concerns they say he loves to draw and is one of their best eaters.

He wasnt a premie (he was a big over 9lbs baby) they did have to help him breath but I believe that was due the the emergency c section.

Yes it probably isn’t CP if there isn’t any coordination issues or birth issues. DD didn’t breathe for 3-4 minutes after birth which was the cause for her.

It is just a bit unusual that he sleeps so much and yet is so reluctant physically when you get out.

Does he snore? My other Dc was weirdly lethargic in the afternoons - she turned out to have enlarged tonsils and adenoids so was having sleep apnoea. Snored like a trooper.

Others have mentioned low iron or hyper mobility or hip dysplasia.

Basically there are quite a few possible medical reasons - or it could just be he likes the buggy! Anyway it would definitely be worth seeing the HV. They see a lot more 2 year olds than GPs do. Also ask nursery if they have noticed anything unusual.

Nursery see no concerns besides some new aggression but that is likely due to baby. He doesnt stop when there and only sleeps an hour to an hour and a half but that means hes grumpy and tired 3-4 hours after he has woken up and is at home which is why we let him sleep as long as he needs at home.

No snoring that I can hear. He used to cough a lot at night but since he got his inhaler it seems to have improved!

Will talk to HV when they come do his 2 year old check and for now I will just keep encouraging!

Was he in a buggy up until the baby was born? Sounds like jealousy especially as you say he wants carrying if baby is being carried.

If he won't hold your hand, backpack reins are lifesaver. They can also be used to gently discourage lying on the floor.

Some kids just aren't great walkers. In our case DS1 first walked at 16 months and was always a fantastic walker, great stamina, good at holding hands etc. DS2 walked at 11 months but would either bolt or lie on the floor. Nothing in between.

Have you tried taking him out solo since baby arrived? I know you said he wasn't interested pre-baby, but 3 months is a long time in their life. If he hasn't been on a walk without baby & pram for a while, it could be worth trying. Leave baby at home with dad and tell toddler you're going on an adventure to count the pinecones/lamposts/snails between your house and the shops/woods/park whatever is not too far away?

You could just start on the weekends for 15-20 mins and see if it at least helps with weekend behaviour?

Mine was 2y7m when number 2 arrived and wavered massively between wanting and needing to walk by himself because he was such a big boy, to demanding that he go in the pram everywhere. We ended up buying a double which got probably a good 6m of usage, but he's come out the other side now and loves walking again.

We have been trying to encourage walking before baby came but yeah we still used the pram.

Perhaps I just need to give him more time.

Unfortunately dad is only at home 1 day a week but I will give it a try to see if it helps. My sister and dad have tried taking him solo with no luck.

What’s your view on his speech and hearing? How much is he saying?

If he will knock things over, could you build towers for him to knock over and try and get him involved there - try taking turns with putting one more thing on the pile?

If there is anything at all he will do outside, however destructive it is, I would keep trying to do it and introduce some kind of interaction into it. Lifting and moving things are exercise too.

Will he do water play? I wonder if that would be a step towards swimming in a year or two.

It is 100% improving. He is starting to put words together.

I build towers for him to knock down although he rarely lets me build much of one before knocking it.

He doesn't really destroy stuff outside he just jumps from 1 thing to another (scuttlebug, trampoline for 1 jump) but mainly he just tries to play with the back door but he gets bored super quick! He usually only interacts out there for a very short period before hes messing about with the door or trying to get back in.

I am trying to encourage playing in the garden but he gets so bored so quick and I am always holding a baby so it isn't always easy to fully engage with him.

In terms of water play he will pour stuff into different containers for a bit and then either walks away or just tips the water tray over. He loves his baths but is terrified of the pool.

You keep saying about waiting for your HV 2 year check - but you can contact them anytime you like to ask for help and advice! I wouldn’t wait on this, I’d call them today and ask if they can help you. It may just be jealousy over the new baby (which would also explain why he won’t walk for your dad or sister as you staying home with the baby) or it may be he’s still very little and gets tired sooner than you realise. His behaviour at home may have nothing to do with energy levels given he’s still sleeping well - he’s probably just a normal toddler in that respect.

How many words does he say? I’d expect his understanding to be better than you describe thread even if he doesn’t say much, and that amount of sleeping does seem excessive. Especially as he doesn’t have anywhere near that long at nursery. How long ago did you see the doctor about him? It may be the doctor thought it was all fine when you went, but if you went back now he’s bigger, they might be more concerned if it’s 2 or more months ago for example.

When out, can you ask him to walk in front of you and ask you to help push the pram? Mind used to loved doing that. Same with the shopping trolley at the supermarket.

i would try to find someone to have the baby for a couple of hours so that you and your 2 year old can go out alone together. He’s gone from being mummy’s baby to having to share you all the time. That’s really tough on little kids. Why is your partner only home 1 day a week and is that a short term thing? Is that a new thing? When the baby cries, do you go straight to the baby and stop whatever you were doing with your toddler? I remember being advised it was better to let the baby cry for a few minutes than make the toddler feel pushed out.

Before the baby, did you used to join in at the park/soft play with him? If so, it could be he doesn’t have the confidence to play solo.

Cpukd you try asking nursery to give a note to a nursery friends parents and give them your number and ask to meet at the park one weekend for the kids to play together? Having another similar aged child may encourage him more.

There's something he doesn't like about walking outside, you just haven't got to the bottom of it yet. Hypermobility isn't generally painful and Cerebral Palsy isn't always painful when it's mild so there could still be something medical going on. You could ask your GP for a referral to a community paediatrician to discuss this, and his development in general e.g.b aggressive behaviour.
Another thought could be sensory issues. E.g. he doesn't like how the shoes feel, or the wind or noise?

I didn't know you could contact them anytime. When I mentioned at the babys checkup that I had some concerns about toddlers behaviour they said we could review it at his 2 year check. But I will contact them again.

Literally saw the doctor last week! He says lots of words and is starting to put them together into small sentences like 'spider gone box'. I'm not sure how much is he doesn't understand but rather doesn't care to get involved and follow what I Say.

I wouldn't mind if it was he gets tired but he wont walk even initially. Whether thats at home once we are out the door he refuses or if we go somewhere like the forest or beach he asks for carry or pram straight away and wont move!

Possibly his behaviour at home isn't energy related but we were advised by GP to increase his exercise to see if it helped his anger and tantrums.

I have attempted to ask him to push the pram/trolley but he refuses to let me touch it and he cant push it on his own.

Baby is exclusively breastfed and cosleeps so nobody is able to take baby for a few hours as he eats frequently. I rarely put the baby down as he cries as soon as you do. I do leave him for a few minutes when I need to change toddlers nappy or make him food but my toddler gets super overwhelmed when the baby is screaming so I can't leave him for long and he cries in the sling and carrier too so even that doesnt help. I feel awful for my toddler but I am hoping it will get better once baby is a bit bigger and can sit etc. My partner works nights so he only gets 1 day a week with us as the others he is sleeping and DS is at nursery.

Soft play we only started properly just before baby was born (my partner would take him once a week) as prior to that he hated it even if we joined him in there. Again the park hes only the last few months been able to climb the equiptment etc and doesn't care for swings etc.

We have started to go visit his cousin twice a month who is a year older to hopefully give him someone his own age on a weekend to play with and encourage him.

GP wont do a referral for anything as they dont see an issue. He was running around his office, 91st percentile and full of energy so they think its just a regression due to baby. He climbs at home and nursery and runs around in the house (not very successfully as its small and he is a tornado with his toys)

The aggression is new since the baby so I think this is due to adjustment and a lot of emotions.

He adores his shoes (asks for them even when in the house), i would say it could be the wind or noise but he is happy to play in the nursery garden in the wind and we went to an indoor roller skating rink for a birthday party and he was quite happy there even with the noise.

When you take home.to park/ beach etc... do you play with him.is interactive? Lots of children that age will struggle to play alone because they don't know how yet.

If he doesn't like going out to burn energy there is still lots you can do at home.
Things we did with ours
When very little we made a soft play on a room we had old mattress and duvets and pillow chucked it all on the floor then they could fall roll jump etc safely.

Ballons are great for indoors, throw and catch balloon tennis etc ...

Kicking the ball with you on the garden, having races in the garden, bean bags and hula hoops can be used.for all sorts.with a bit of imagination.

If they like to draw you could try making nature pictures by collecting a few small bits on a walk then making the picture.

Come autumn.ours liked leaf kebabs. So find a stick then thread on fallen leaves how many different colours, shapes, sizes etc... can they collect.

Hide and seek we spent hours doing

Put some.music on and dance join in and make it fun.

Space hopper form the garden.

How late does he go to bed after the nap? Is it feasible to move bed time a little earlier and cut the nap slightly or is it really to much?

Our first wasmdroppong.naps.by 2/ 2.5 so bed time was often 5:30-6:30 so when. You mentioned bed time.of 5 it didn't seem that crazy but obviously that can depend on your family.

Xx

Ok, so could be sensory but not shoes, or maybe more of an interest thing? He might like the larger scuttlebug XL or a balance bike or scooter when he outgrows his current scuttlebug. DS likes to take toy cars or teddies to the park. Or he would take a toy buggy like a PP suggested.

I had this with DD, although she wouldn’t go in the pram either. I had to carry her everywhere, exhausting but temporary. She is now two still but close to three and she’s fine, she walks. So it does get better!

All of this sounds great when he is older but currently he doesn't understand the concept of hide and see or throwing bean bags into hoops or jumping into hoops etc.

He wont dance if I put music on, he wont follow me in the forest to pick up leaves etc. His idea of playing is more throw things to the floor or spread it about. He doesn't seem to follow guidance of say lets kick the football or jump in the hoops even if I show him.

He has some softplay bits in his room but he is a bit big for them now but does use it a bit.

Bedtime hugely depends on when his nap started and when he woke up. He always goes to bed 5 hours after his last wake window unless it was a short nap. So bedtime ranges from 5.30 if he has had no/ short nap to 10pm if he has slept 4 hours.

I agree with some PPs that there may be a medical issue, though it’s frustrating that the GP won’t pursue anything. I’d definitely talk to the HV.

What is a typical day like for him at home? How does he spend his time? How many hours a week is he at nursery?

I wouldn’t be too concerned about the not walking to the park or wherever, but his lack of interest in playing when you get there is a bit concerning. I think enlisting his slightly older cousin as a playmate and role model is a good idea. I’d also arrange for meetups with some of the children from nursery. Having other children around would hopefully jumpstart his desire to play and run around.