Barely any RSVPs for 4 year old bday

[Sadty]

My DD is turning 4 soon. She attends nursery and we thought we'd have a nice party for her. We initially sent out about 13 invites through the nursery and they've given them out to the parents at pick up.

We only had 3 responses from those invites after two weeks! I then sent out another 15 so that every child had one, and again, we've only had 3 back.

My little girl is really well liked at the nursery, she's never in any trouble or anything, plays well with the other kids.

My DH does all the pick ups and drop offs and it's a rush for him because he also has to get to work. I can't help but feel guilty and put the lack of interest from other parents down to me not being one of the sociable mums.

I could actually cry thinking about my poor dd having so few people at her party.

Why do parents do this?

It's been confirmed that the invites were given to the parents. I don't really have a way of following up because I don't know any of the other mums. I'm at a loss.

Bump

So you’ve got 6 yes’s and your DD there, plenty enough for a party! She will have a great time. Has the RSVP deadline passed now?

It's crappy not to respond, but highly likely to be down to their general overwhelm with life, rather than a deliberate slight. Did you give a deadline for RSVPs? (If not, definitely do this in the future).

In any case - even if "only" 6 friends turn up, I'm sure it will still be very exciting for your daughter! And you will actually get the chance speak to the parents properly which might be a positive? Do you have any family/family friends coming too?

Maybe they have prior commitments? I honestly wouldn’t take it to heart and just enjoy a smaller party with the people who can come and have RSVP’d.

did you put an RSVP date on the invitation?

When is the party and what date did you ask for RSVPs?

Are nursery age parties even a thing. Mine are a bit older now but they weren't a thing when they were little. Parents have no connection and the kids won't have any ongoing connection (unless its attached to a school) so likelihood is there's less incentive to give up a weekend day

I say this kindly, but you’re projecting your own insecurity on your DD. She’s four! If friends she likes a lot are coming, she’ll be fine.

Did you send paper invites or a WhatsApp message? The paper ones might have been lost or people might not have gotten around to RSVP’ing.

I wouldn’t worry about it. She’ll have a lovely time and she’s got six friends coming and all their parents will stay - it’ll feel busy!

Maybe they have prior commitments?

Then they can send a polite refusal. Prior commitment isn't a reason for bad manners.

People are just rubbish at responding OP

Don't take it personally

You may get late responses if people are waiting to find out about shift patterns/trying to find childcare for siblings - lots of reasons. But it isnt has for someone to message you with a yes/no response I agree.

Hey you have 6 coming, your DD is 4 she really wont notice how many come she will have a great time!

I didn’t do parties until mine were school age. Nursery is all a bit awkward when you have no idea who the other parents are because you’re on different drop off and pick up schedules and assuming this isn’t a school nursery then come September they peel off to different schools and that’s the end of it. I think it’s impressive you got 6 yeses tbh. Still really rude not to RSVP though. Fair enough if they’re apathetic but they could at least take 10 seconds to message pretending to be busy. But most importantly- as far as DD is concerned she’ll have a lovely time with 6 friends and not think beyond that. The rest of it is really just your (unrealistic) expectations.

Why would it not be a thing to have a party for a 4 year old?

Was that during social mixing restrictions though? Birthday parties for 4 year olds is a very normal thing.

This was me a few months ago! You'll likely get an influx of responses the day or two before. People wait to commit until they know what they're doing.

I sent 18 invites. Got 12 RSVPs and 7 showed up. They had a brilliant time. Plan for small numbers, and don't tell your DC how many / who you've invited.

I followed up with the parents who had RSVPd to make sure they were still coming the day before, and tbh I was anxious until it was over.

I also had no chill and lingered at drop offs for a few days too to catch parents.

It wasn't normal when mine were younger but they are teens now. You have no connection to the parents and have probably never seen most of them before. The kids will never see one another again come september. Weekends are busy.

I am also organising a 4yo birthday party and out of 7 invitations, all but 1 have replied. My son is not the most sociable, in fact I'm told he's actually a bit of a loner, so I'm sure it's really nothing to do with your DD.
What time and day of the week is the party? Venue? I'm wondering if it's something to do with scheduling which means people aren't keen. Is it start or end of half term or the bank holiday? People may be on holiday.

In my experience (3 kids) parents are incredibly slow in rsvp 🤦‍♀️! It used to stress me out so much - I used to try and do a party what’s app group if able although I appreciate it’s hard to know other parents they are young but paper invites are a waste of time in this day and age sadly.

Yes it was a ‘thing’. May as well lock kids in a cave until primary school by your logic. Guessing you never attended a baby and toddler group either?

I had all my daughter’s nursery class for her 4th birthday and it was a massive mistake. Totally overwhelming and my daughter ended up crying. Kept parties to under 10 kids after that and they went much better. Just to say that a smaller party is likely to be much nicer.

I wouldn’t think it’s anything personal - if you have multiple kids and multiple drop offs you can’t keep track of everything. Paper invites are so tricky. Will be much easier when you can move to WhatsApp invites.

when is the party? You’ll probably will get more responses about 2/3 weeks prior to the party. Just one of those things that end up on a to do list which can be ticked of so easily but that people procrastinate on.

Sorry yes normal to have a 4th birthday party of course, but what I meant anyway was it’s not usual to do a ‘whole class’ party until school. The kids are young so parents all have to stay but you’ve never actually met any of them before and will likely never see any of them again after they start school. Therefore it’s not an attractive way to spend your weekend and chances are these aren’t going to be lasting friendships for your kid… So I think family, friends not from nursery you actually meet up like your friends with kids and people you know through toddler groups etc. are more likely to make the guestlist than random nursery kids that you haven’t met before and will never see again.

So you invited half the class, which maybe the kids spoke about to each other. Then when you didn’t get replies , you invited the backups? Not very nice of you op. Also why isn’t this done in the class WhatsApp group? Our nursery has an unspoken rule. Whole class parties or no party inviting only a few. And it’s even better because we group the kids by month so we are attending only a few parties instead of 20+
I have an almost 4yo too and I can tell you this is the fairest and least stressful way. All the parents do this via WhatsApp group and it’s very simple.

No my children were not locked in a cave and yes I attended lots of stuff with my toddlers thanks.

Mine had birthday parties but not ones that you'd invite nursery friends to. They'd be parties with their other friends (generally children of our friends). They had plenty of parties once they started school.

I didn’t say you locked your kids in a cave. And you specifically stated ‘nursery age parties’ weren’t a thing, although now you’ve just said they did have parties while nursery age.

No, I asked are nursery age parties really a thing? I then specifically said mine were older. Clearly I was talking about parties where nursery people are invited since thats the topic of the whole thread.