Barely any RSVPs for 4 year old bday

[Sadty]

My DD is turning 4 soon. She attends nursery and we thought we'd have a nice party for her. We initially sent out about 13 invites through the nursery and they've given them out to the parents at pick up.

We only had 3 responses from those invites after two weeks! I then sent out another 15 so that every child had one, and again, we've only had 3 back.

My little girl is really well liked at the nursery, she's never in any trouble or anything, plays well with the other kids.

My DH does all the pick ups and drop offs and it's a rush for him because he also has to get to work. I can't help but feel guilty and put the lack of interest from other parents down to me not being one of the sociable mums.

I could actually cry thinking about my poor dd having so few people at her party.

Why do parents do this?

It's been confirmed that the invites were given to the parents. I don't really have a way of following up because I don't know any of the other mums. I'm at a loss.

It obviously wasn’t ‘clearly’. And you said they weren’t a thing when yours were younger. This is pointless, as you can see from the other posts they are a ‘thing’ anyway.

I threw a party for DC1 when he was 4.

I got a few responses the same day.

Then nothing for a bit.

Then gradually most of them responded nearer the time.

Everyone who said they would come, did.

I gave out paper invites. There was one issue where a girl’s parents were divorced, the paper invite had gone to one parent but the girl was due to stay with the other parent the weekend of the party. So that caused an unanticipated issue.

It’s got nothing whatsoever to do with who likes who - among the children or parents.

people are just shit at this.

it’s easier once you get to primary and can WhatsApp reminders.

6 is a perfect good number for a party and you will probably get a few more.

your child is 4. She won’t care. It’s a party with presents and cake.

it will be grand.

Give it a rest. Four people had responded when I asked the question. Since then others have also said the same as I did.

We get it. You invited your child's nursery friends to parties and didn't lock your children in caves.

There’s no need for that. I’d already pointed out our conversation was pointless and your question has been answered.

I found nursery parties tricky, we would often miss invites as they were in their tray / bag and we just hadn't checked that pocket. We'd get for people i'd never heard of, and apart from a quick hello I didn't know the parents, they were from all over town and picking up and dropping off at different times due to work. School parties were easier to manage, someone will start a class whatsapp group and you'll be able to sort parties out on there!

Your dd will have a great time and it will be nice for the parents to socialise together too!

Bump after 10 mins says it all… it’s going to be a long road of parenting for you OP

People don’t do paper invites much anymore. You get better responses vis WhatsApp.

When my kids were that age we invited family and friends from playgroup to parties. Never kids from nursery. Where I actually knew the parents. It was as much a chance for the parents to socialise too. The few nursery parties we did go to were really awkward.

Nobody sends actual paper invites out in our school it’s all done via WhatsApp group. Is there a nursery WhatsApp group ?

Not all nurseries have parents WhatsApp groups so it’s not always an option. Ours does not.

I saw someone asked up thread but it’s not answered yet - when’s the party and did you put an rsvp date on the invites (if so, what date)? This is crucial info because if you didn’t put an rsvp date on that’s the problem, if you did but haven’t reached it yet, give it time. If the party is 4 months away and you’ve already given invites out - you’re nuts and I’m surprised you got any replies, of the party is next week I’d expect to get more responses this weekend.

I’m impressed OP that you knew the names of that many nursery peers! DS is only in toddler room but I know the names of maybe 6 or 7 other kids, and 4 of those are because we do or have done other activities locally that they also go to. My friends’ daughter is also in toddler room but I have literally never seen her at drop off or pick up as she drops off a bit later and only does long mornings whereas we do full days.

Don’t worry about it. A small party with a few of her friends will be lovely 🥰

Why do you need RSVPs? Are you booking a venue/activity? I think you need to relax a bit, your child is too young to need a party really. 6 kids is plenty

Thanks so much to the helpful responses. I've had a little chuckle at the sarky ones. Amazing how the thread can be about such a mundane topic and the claws still find their way out 😂

To answer some questions:
There is no WhatsApp group otherwise I would of course just reach out to the parents on there.
Party is next weekend.
RSVP deadline was last week.
We've been to a couple of birthdays recently for 4yos so it's not just us.

To the poster who called me 'cruel' for inviting some of the children first before inviting others - there's a limit on spaces, I couldn't invite everyone to begin with. I asked the nursery to tell me who my DD plays with the most. Inviting less than 50% of the class first is hardly exclusionary.

Anyway, the thing I've taken away from this thread is that this appears to be a common issue. Once school starts and class WhatsApp groups become a thing, it'll be easier.

Thanks all.

It’s normal to RSVP about a week or so before. It’s still early and an RSVP date 3 weeks before is optimistic.

You’ve also booked it during half term, so probably lots of people trying to finalise half term travel plans to know if they’ll even be around. It’s a tricky time to organise a party.

I would wait til early next week and confirm numbers with venue.

You may also get some last minute ones because lots of people only clear out bags every so often. Unless someone hands me an invite, chances are strong it will disappear into the bag for a few weeks and only get cleared out at the end of the half term, which is next week.

Well then you answered your own question. You picked the kids who your child plays with. So clearly the ones she doesn’t play with, the parents won’t send their kids because they will be wondering who this kid is.
That’s why whole class parties should be the only way at this stage. And it doesn’t have to be expensive too. At age 4 they change friends all the time, and the parents are in charge.

I love how our school does it and my kids have been there from age 2. It’s a prep school so maybe it’s different.
it’s whole class parties, no child is not invited, and it’s done in groups of birthday month AND the costs are all split.
everyone wins.

Ah so sorry. My son is 33 in June but I have a vivid memory of his 7 year old sad face as I waved goodbye and went with his party kids on the minibus to the bowling alley. He wanted to wait for the late kid - who never came. My husband turned up with my son 30 minutes later. I saw the Mum at school on the Monday - she’d forgotten. I didn’t talk to her again but all these years later she visits an old lady in my road to do her hair.

I rsvp’d to my daughter’s invite recently and got the number wrong, the mum holding the party asked the nursery manager to give me a nudge to respond, which she did. Could you ask the nursery to nudge parents?

our nursery is pretty small so this wasn’t an issue at all

Tbh I think it's highly likely that paper invitations have gone astray. The number of paintings/drawings/random bits of paper my kids have brought home from nursery every day it would be very easy for a party invite to get lost. 6 kids is totally enough for a 4th birthday party anyway (trust me, we had 30 when our first turned 4, and a miniature railway and face painting fairies in the woods, I MASSIVELY overdid it). She'll have a great time, but maybe it's time for your DH to be a bit chattier at pick up and get some of the other parents numbers?

I hope she has a lovely party!

I had a similar thing with my 3 year old. I sent out 16 invites, had 3 accept, 2 decline and the rest ignore! Including one parent who I saw leaving nursery with the invite in hand, who said hello to me and DC! Some people are shockingly rude, or forgetful, I don't know.

Anyway, he had a great time and a couple of friends from the baby group days attended as well so it was an ok number in the end.

Usually, whose party a small child goes to or is invited to is based on friendships between the parents at the school gate, not the child's own friendships. If you and DH have not integrated with the other parents at the school gate, this will be why.

It's OK, she's only four, she won't remember it anyway.

We did a party when DS turned 4 last year, and out of the 18 invited, 14 said yes. We were quite lucky that we had a Mother’s Day breakfast at nursery a couple weeks before the party so I was able to meet and speak to anyone who hadn’t responded. Some hadn’t received it whereas others forgot to respond.

Many children are in nursery because their parents work, if the party is during the week they won't be at home and they may be too busy at the weekend. Everybody picks up at different times so you may never meet some of the parents to ask them, even if you know who their children are.
My GS is 7 now and my DD has never had many RSVPs for his parties through nursery and school, usually 7+ children have turned up which is fine, people forget on the day or just turn up without RSVP. Invitations get lost too.

Just focus on the nice people who did reply and have a nice party.

I reckon that at some point you will be rather glad there are not another twenty children there