Barely any RSVPs for 4 year old bday

[Sadty]

My DD is turning 4 soon. She attends nursery and we thought we'd have a nice party for her. We initially sent out about 13 invites through the nursery and they've given them out to the parents at pick up.

We only had 3 responses from those invites after two weeks! I then sent out another 15 so that every child had one, and again, we've only had 3 back.

My little girl is really well liked at the nursery, she's never in any trouble or anything, plays well with the other kids.

My DH does all the pick ups and drop offs and it's a rush for him because he also has to get to work. I can't help but feel guilty and put the lack of interest from other parents down to me not being one of the sociable mums.

I could actually cry thinking about my poor dd having so few people at her party.

Why do parents do this?

It's been confirmed that the invites were given to the parents. I don't really have a way of following up because I don't know any of the other mums. I'm at a loss.

I’m planning a whole class party for son turning 6 in year 1 later this year and i will still have to do paper invites and we only have a whole year whatsapp group, not a class one.

I would fish out the relevant numbers for your class from the whole year chat and create a group called ‘Harry’s Party’ and send the invite there. It’ll be so much better than paper invites as no risk of them getting lost, easier for everyone to reply and you can also send reminders, check dietaries etc. all in one place. Or at least that’s how we do it our school- 2 form entry and one shared whatsapp group. I haven’t seen a paper invite since I was a kid 🤣

Yeah i mean we did paper invites at nursery and it worked well. And i know my friend did paper invites in a different class in our year and also worked fine.

we’ve also got 3 classes in our year. I may do paper invites and then send a message to the whatsapp saying ‘blue class look out for invites’ as tbh i don’t have a clue whose everyone’s kids are in the group.

Of course you need RSVPs. Not replying is rude. Turning up without replying is rude.
Its hard to know how much food to make, party bags to do, prizes for games etc without firm numbers.

I’d say the biggest blocker is that you’ve booked the party on a bank holiday weekend in half term, and many people have plans to go away, even if they are not confirmed yet.

I mean it’s just bloody rude OP and people have no manners any more.

When my children were in primary there was a class WhatsApp group so pretty easy to post an invite and people would respond on that. There was one mum who simply ignored every party invite. Just never responded. She and I both had twins in different classes and she’d never respond to invites from other class. She was the only one!

Ten years on many of us are still friends and some of the children are still friends after going to different schools. Her twins have struggled with friendships and she never made any effort.

as your DD is little OP I think it’s fine that the party is small, she won’t know any different and you know who the decent parents are now.

Before school age we did little parties with family and friends. That was quite enough. Also as they are so small the parents have to stay and if you don’t know the parents at all that’s abit of a weird dynamic. Plus it’s a sunny bank holiday families are unlikely to want to commit to spend time with strangers. Not saying it’s ok but that’s my take.

These aren't reasons not to take your child to a party. They have great fun at parties at that age and it doesn't matter if they never see the children again when school starts. It's about giving your child the possibility to have a fun afternoon with children their age.
It's also an opportunity to get to know the other parents. Did you never do playdates at all before school?

When people don't respond until a day or two beforehand, it's because they're waiting to see if anything better is coming up. It's rude because you either want your child to go to that party because they'll enjoy it, in which case you can reply, or you know you can't make it, in which case you can also reply as soon as possible.

That said, 6 children is more than enough - I always organised parties on the principle that the number of children should be equal to the age of the child, so in your case just 4 children. It can get a bit too much otherwise.

YANBU. Buckle up for years of this- I’ve hosted 5 parties so far for my two, and have experienced all of the following irritations:

• People not RSVPing.
• People RSVping yes then not turning up on the day (zero communication).
• People RSVPing no then changing their mind.
• People bringing uninvited siblings without asking then acting surprised they don’t have a party bag, genuinely.
• People doing the opposite whatever you ask regarding staying or dropped by off.
• One person dropping off a very badly behaved and rough child, leaving him to attack other children with zero communication that he was so rough.
• People turning up at the wrong venue.
• People turning up on the RSVP deadline date to an empty venue.
• People turning up at the wrong time of day, eg afternoon instead of morning.
• People needing reminding to get their uninvited other children out of the soft play party food room so my child’s friends in his class could actually sit down and eat.
• People arriving 30-60 mins late (very disruptive when you have an entertainer doing structured games).

Basically, I’m done with the rudeness of parents, and literally only now host because my children love it. It is very stressful!

Probably because it’s half term, although it would be polite to message to say if they can’t make it.

The rule of thumb for a party that isn’t overwhelming is 1 for each year of age plus one as a maximum so 5 guests for a 4 year old.

kids are usually happy enough with it being about them and different to usual play date. It will be fine.

I put on a 4th birthday party for my son a few months ago. I must have invited about 25 children from nursery and several just never responded. My partner would remind parents at each drop off and pick up which helped as some do genuinely forget, invitations get misplaced etc. I had a few late replies saying so sorry, forgot to reply and can they still come. On the day I also had more children turn up than I had received RSVP’d for which was really annoying because of food.

It’s a minefield and quite stressful but maybe just remind parents, ask nursery to do the same and have extra food, party bags on standby. Even if there is only a handful of children there it will still be lovely ☺️