8 year old DD very overweight

[nothernermomma]

Hi all, this is my first time posting but would really appreciate tips or advice to help my youngest DD lose weight.

I have three children, DS who is 11, DD1 who is 9 and DD2 who is 8. DD2 has always been chunkier but not considered overweight. In the last year, she has gained a lot of weight and I originally put it down to hormones but I’m doubtful this is the case.

She has only just turned 8 but now weighs around 8 stone. She is 128cm tall and wears either aged 14-15 clothes or an adults size 12. The weight is very noticeable as she has lost definition in her face, has a double chin and several rolls of fat on her arms and stomach.

As a family we eat well but DD2’s issue are around constantly taking treats I.e stealing them or sneaking them out of the cupboards. She faces consequences everytime this happens and I cannot completely ban treat foods as this would be unfair on my other children. If DD2 was left to her own devices then she would eat everything in the treat cupboard. She also has a tendency to take treats from family members and friends homes to the point that people have stopped inviting her round because of this. When DD2 asks why she isn’t being invited, I don’t have the heart to tell her the truth so I explain to her people are busy at times.

DD2 also faces relentless teasing from peers at school. This all began in year 3 last year when she started gaining weight. At first, it was name calling like ‘pig’, ‘fatty’, ‘porker’ and other horrible names. The other children have turned it up a notch this year and started poking her belly, slapping her belly and continuing to call her names alongside this. Her teacher has been told on multiple occasions but nothing seems to be shifting.

I have tried making subtle attempts to try and get the family moving so she doesn’t feel isolated. DD2 likes going to the park and enjoys swimming but doesn’t enjoy this for a long period of time. I have also tried signing her up to after school clubs but she is not interested.

Things come to a head last night because DH’s DD (my DSD) came for dinner as per arrangements and they baked together making a batch of 24 cupcakes. When DSD’s mother came to collect her and DD2 was left to her own devices, I was shocked to enter the kitchen and found her to have eaten 9 of the cupcakes. This was after porridge for breakfast, food at school and then a roast dinner for tea. I tried using the nurturing approach of explaining how bad it is to eat that many cupcakes whilst also implying that this was unkind as DH and DSD had made these. DH heard the conversation and rather sternly said to DD2 that she was going to ‘eat herself to death’ and shown her a video of those overweight American toddlers you see online. DD2 was obviously distraught and DD1 had heard the commotion and came downstairs and called DD2 a fat pig.

I am genuinely lost as to what to do at this point so any ideas please send them my way!!

You are the parent . She is only 8. You need to take control. You need to lock any treat food away. Biscuits & crisps live in a box in the boot of the car. Teach her to make a good pasta sauce rather than cakes.

If she asks, be honest about why people aren't asking her over any more.

It is coming into summer so you all need fewer calories. Cut out chips & fried food. Switch from white bread/rice/pasta to wholemeal. It has more fibre, takes longer to digest. Add two veg to every meal. Fruit & yoghurt for afters.

What does she do for exercise? You need to increase her metabolic rate with more activity. Cycling, walking the dog, swimming, dance, martial arts. Find something she likes and exercise with her. Support her but ignore her complaints. Have a busy, active summer.

Sorry not sure the link is working this is the recipe - I use walnuts they are cheaper
These cookies help regulate blood sugar so are great for weaning off the snacks.

Almond pecan cookies
Makes: 12 cookies

Cooking Time: 15 minutes (10 minutes baking, 5 minutes cooling)

Diet: Vegan, Gluten-Free

Plant Count: 6

Fibre: 3g per cookie

Ingredients
3 tbsp brown sugar

3 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp ground flaxseed + 4 tbsp water

200 g ground almonds (2 cups)

50 g chopped pecans (1/2 cup)

80 g dark chocolate, chopped (3/4 cup)

Pinch of salt

Method
Preheat your oven to 180°C (350°F).

In a small bowl, mix together the ground flaxseed and water, then set aside for a few minutes to thicken.

In a larger mixing bowl, combine the brown sugar and olive oil until well mixed. Add the thickened flaxseed mixture and stir until fully incorporated.

Add in the ground almonds and fold the mixture until a dough forms.

Sprinkle in the salt, chopped dark chocolate, and pecans, then fold again until everything is evenly distributed.

Roll the cookie dough into 12 equal balls. Flatten each ball slightly with your palm—wetting your hands lightly can make this step easier.

Place the cookies on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake for around 10 minutes, or until the edges are lightly golden.

Allow the cookies to cool on the baking sheet for a few minutes before transferring them to a wire rack to cool completely.

Enjoy your delicious and healthy cookies!

Tips and Techniques
Flax Egg: The flaxseed mixture should be left to thicken for about 5 minutes before using it in the recipe. This helps bind the ingredients together, similar to how an egg would.

Almond Flour Substitute: If you don't have ground almonds, you can make your own by pulsing whole almonds in a food processor until fine. Just be careful not to over-process, or you'll end up with almond butter.

Ingredient Variations: You can swap the chocolate and pecans for any mix of dried fruit or nuts. If you'd like an oatmeal raisin version, try using half oats, half almond meal, and adding a teaspoon of cinnamon along with your favourite dried fruit and nuts.

Sorry to hear your daughter is going through this, I have been that child. But although I was not fed or allowed as such to eat lots of junk. Plus my mother thought it was good, which it was that we had a home cooked meal. It wasn’t the era then to be buying takeaways etc.
But because I wouldn’t get up in the morning for school, and i know now having to get my child to school etc.
I was allowed to have tea and biscuits, which obviously I must have consumed quite a bit. Packed lunch was not that healthy.
A sweet in the shop after school, then had a home cooked dinner, don’t ask me what we had i can’t remember it all.
And there was always a biscuit tin, so I would pig out of that.
I have been diagnosed now later in life with binge eating disorder.

Had some of the food changes been made, yes I think it would have helped, but also if a child is ok the bigger side and gaining weight, then yes the GP is the best way to go I think.

Trying to add more protein to meals too, because it might help DD feel a bit fuller.

I have noticed some kids who are big and just eating carbs carbs carbs, and huge plate of pasta with cheese on top, and then still hungry after.

I see a kid after school every day who is big he has a belly too, and given a huge bag of crisps so sad to see.

Goodluck I hope the GP can help.

If this were true, why would you have sugary crap in the house? Why would you allow baking of sugary crap? Sugar is like crack cocaine to some of us and you have created an extremely obesogenic environment for a 7/8 year old to navigate.

You need to see the GP first as this isn’t something that you can tackle alone. I would also ask for blood tests to ensure everything was normal, ask for a referral to a dietician, and probably therapy for it being a psychological condition which also needs to be assessed and treated (assuming bloods are normal).

You can clear the house of snack foods and incorporate more exercise as a family, but if you don’t start with the basics above then it will be an uphill battle.

I was a skinny child who suddenly blew up like a balloon aged 9 (although not anywhere near the size of your DD), and my parents bullied me something awful which has left me with a lifetime of emotional issues. Stamp out the bullying with DD1 and force the school to take incidents seriously, going through the complaints process if need be. As for the video of overweight toddlers - wtf?

Your DD is only 8 so she needs help to navigate this alone, so please act now.

No but doing it once a week starts to get the brain thinking about other things, being healthier and might spark done interest in PBs and how eating, exercise and health come together

She is eight, not 3, she needs to understand that stealing her friends' treats will make people dislike her. Not being honest is part of the problem.

This was me. Except I played a lot of sport and my problem was portion control. Please, for her sake, take control. Say no. Remove the temptation. Feed her healthy dinners with no snacks other than low calorie options like veggie sticks. Portion control like a maniac. Don’t let on it’s a diet. Make it healthy eating.

She will thank you one day. At that age, this is your responsibility.

I agree with others who have said you need to control her food environment more while you still can.

There is no need for anyone to have unhealthy snacks. We don’t have crisps, biscuits, cakes, sweets, sugary cereal or any kind of juice/fizzy drinks/squash in the house at all. If the kids are hungry they can have fruit or a rice cake. We get them treats when we are out - eg an ice cream from the ice cream van etc, or we will bake at the weekend - but it’s just not part of daily life. It’s not good for anyone.

Im sure you’re aware but you should be trying to cut as many UPFs from her diet as possible.

Obviously you need to work on her self-esteem and make sure the bullying at school and in the family stops. She is obviously aware of the issue so perhaps you need to tell her you’re going to work on it together - she probably feels completely hopeless and alone.

I personally think controlling the food is more important than exercise, because she will lose weight naturally as she grows, but she shouldn’t get to opt out of activities that her peers are doing, and it would be great if you could help her find a sporting activity she enjoys. Agree that junior park run is a nice easy one to introduce once a week that all your kids could participate in, followed up by a park trip.

If a parent told me I had to hide everything their child was allergic to, I'd be very reluctant to invite the child to the house. Way too much responsibility for a casual play date.

Wow some of these responses are so nasty. The OP is seeking advice and support not a kicking. Shame on you posters!
OP I feel your pain. 1 of my children is overweight alongside other healthy weight siblings. They are very active and with a healthy diet but a tendency to overeat and eat when bored seem to be ingrained. Individual metabolisms definitely have a part to play although some children/people do naturally eat more. It sounds like your daughter is using food to self regulate maybe? Eating when not hungry for emotional reasons, that's a hard habit to break, especially in a child.
Some things that we've done are to increase daily activity wherever possible and to stop having snack food in the house. Being mindful of portion sizes and bulking out meals with fruit and vegetables helps too. My child is still 'chubby' however but not hugely so.
I found my GP to be useless. I had a telephone conversation but they didn't offer anything other than the above advice.

My 7 year old is about 8 stone, but hes over 150cm tall (not sure exactly, but he stood up against a height chart at a theme park the other day) and he looks chunkier than I'd like. In his case, its due to a rather limited diet, combined with sensory seeking (hes autistic, likely with ADHD)

Your daughter's food related behaviours are not normal, and I think a trip to/phone call with the GP would be a good place to start, without her so you can talk freely. The poor kid has already experienced enough toxicity from her peers and her own family about her weight, and its likely that this is something she cannot control.

I used to be like your daughter. My mum had me on some sort of diet or another from a similar age. I was the fat kid in a family of slim people, clothes never fit, I could never go shopping in Topshop with my mates as a teenager, I would secretly eat when I lived at home and after 12 months at university I was 28 stone. I was also incredibly tall (over 6ft by starting secondary school) and only recently at almost 40 had the realisation that I could have been a healthy weight back then, and even still id never have been the same as my peers, I was built very differently.

Turns out I had undiagnosed inattentive ADHD (diagnosed at 35) and eating high fat and high sugar foods was me constantly chasing a dopamine hit.

Im now on my way to healthy. I'm still overweight, but I'm fit and strong, I exercise regularly - both cardio and strength training, and support my child to build healthy habits too - a lot of which includes building his stamina and resilience around exercise (hes also dyspraxic so doesn't find it easy).

Your daughter isnt suddenly going to be doing and enjoying a junior park run or a 5 mile bike ride whilst she is this overweight - it will be building her up slowly, but most importantly making it fun. What does she enjoy? Our usual "exercise without feeling like exercise" stuff includes things like the local trampoline park place, geocaching, soft play, skate park etc. We also walk, cycle or scoot with a purpose - e.g. we're going to cycle to X, do Y and then cycle home again, rather than going without an end goal so there is a defined end point.

Try to see if you can find clubs she may be interested in outside of school too, something like cubs or brownies or something, so she can build friendships and achieve things to boost her confidence. She's not going to want to do after school clubs when shes already being tormented there by her peers.

I really feel for your daughter. Protecting her emotional health is going to be as, if not more important as protecting her physical health. It just ends up as one vicious downward spiral otherwise.

It could be a vicious circle. Her weight gain could have disrupted her insulin sensitivity and given her insulin resistance, especially if she has a lot of abdominal fat. This will make her extra hungry and craving sweet things.

Get full blood tests, inc HbA1C, thyroid, etc, get rid of or lock away the treats, tell her the real reason she’s not invited to friends’ houses - and sort her food. She might need to see a dietician but in the meantime you can reduce the size of her meals, especially the carb element. Get her active too. Be positive and praise all healthy behaviours.

1. no more snack cupboard. Would you have a liquor cabinet if your child was an alcoholic?
2. you need to take your DD to the GP and get her all the help you can. Check with a nutrionist and overhaul what the entire family is eating.
3. the bullying… you just talked to the teacher and hoped for it to stop? Protect your child snd do more. Changing schools might be the only optimal in such a severe case that’s been allowed to go on unchecked for an extended amount of time.
4. and where the heck is the father in all this?? Showing her a scary YouTube video isn’t appropriate (and it won’t be helpful). It honestly sounds as if both of you have been looking away instead of supporting your DD!

Your poor daughter.
Your whole post reads as if your judging her, as if she's an adult with a fully developed frontal lobe, agency I've her food and lifestyle.
This screams to me as something that isn't really about the food it's about control and deep seated emotions . She needs some professional therapy.
Some kindness . And for you to figure out why she is stealing and gorging .
The poor darling .

Also please do something about school she is being regularly assaulted and bullied. I'd be kicking up a massive fuss.

Only about 30% of weight can be realistically lost through exercise. It’s ALL about food intake. I would absolutely increase her exercise dramatically but the main thing is the food she’s eating. Because she is 8, I’d agree with other posters that this is YOUR issue to sort and what’s happened is a form of neglect. It is fair on the other kids to stop buying an clear all the junk food because they will be likely living with bullying too.

please sort it before high school. They can buy fizzy drinks and chocolate for lunch in high school and this will spiral

I was 15 stone by the time I was 11 and my mum tried the "gently supportive" approach. Please op, I mean this with kindness, get your shit together, and make sure she doesn't end up in the same position. Get the snacks out of the house, replace them with lots of fruit and veg. Make sure that as a family you're walking or cycling everywhere as much as possible, if she's got any personal screens then limit access to them, ideally get rid of them altogether but I think that would need to be phased. Slowly implement portion control, make sure her plate has plenty of lean protein and veg on it. My own DD (7) loves food so I have to make sure that she's really active, she walks to and from school every day, goes to ballet/tennis/swimming/ice skating and spends most of the rest of her time scooting or skateboarding up and down outside our house. I also make sure she's not having sugary treats daily, we tend to go out to get them rather than having them at home. So once a week after their swimming lessons I take the kids to a coffee shop, I get a coffee and they get a slice of cake to share, that sort of thing.

I still struggle as an adult because I don't really "feel" full, I have to have an incredibly organised approach to food and I absolutely cannot have sweet treats in the house because I can't enjoy them in moderation.

Also take her to the GP, ideally don't mention her weight in front of her but it's important to check there's not a medical reason for the weight gain.

What's happening at school is unacceptable, you need to be in there and all over the teachers until they eradicate the behaviour, and your DH needs to keep his videos to himself. Even with adults, shaming people into losing weight simply doesn't work. She needs to be made to feel good about herself, not bullied.

I'm going to offer a bit of a counterpoint as someone who was a bit of a chunky kid at 10/11 and had some serious intervention from my mother which messed up my relationship to food. I was always on some diet, my mother constantly talked about food as calories and would actively take food off my plate to "save me from myself". This totally messed up my self esteem and relationship with food for years even after I grew tall and slim and took me a long time to mentally untangle. Food was something to sneak or feel guilty about and exercise was punishment. She meant well but it's important to recognise that our relationship with food is complex. We need it to survive but it's also pleasurable, but it can also be weaponised and demonised in a way that can become devastating. It does sound like your child has some unhealthy eating habits but I think you need to tread really carefully about making it the case that you're making big changes that point out the insecurities she already undoubtedly has.
For me, what helped was just finding something physical I was passionate about (show choir and canoeing in our local lake), having limited access to TV and screens and also learning a bit how to listen to my body's full feeling and also learning to cook for myself. In all this it sounds like there's not been much discussion about why she feels hungry all the time. Or even if she does. Is it hunger or is it emotional? Might be worth checking there's not a thyroid/medical issue first that could be impacting things but I agree with the others that introducing more healthy habits collectively and reducing access to snacks (without making this a punishment or pointing out that these changes are because of her) would still be a good shift.

It seems quite clear she has a compulsion she feels powerless against. It’s also clear she will be feeling pretty awful from bullying from peers and her own father. In an adult you would think they had a binge eating disorder or something similar. I would get her help for that. Also change the goal from losing weight to not putting any on for now until she can manage the cravings. If you put her in a severe food restriction now it could backfire. Please don’t humiliate her by forcing her to run or taking her on physical activities she will struggle
with.

Have a look at her portions. You must be giving her significantly too much food. She does not need as much as older kids and adults.

To gain so much weight in a short space of time I would check with GP. She may have an under active thyroid. Also does she have impulsivity in other ways? ADHD can prevent curbing intake of all sorts of substances.
Treat cupboards should not exist. If you’re going to have a treat( occasional) then you buy it at the time. Having a drawer or cupboard full of sugar/ fat is a terrible temptation for children. Have a fruit bowl and fill them with healthy food at mealtimes.

Nobody should be baking cupcakes as an activity in the home especially her. You can and should restrict treats in the house and of course you should tell her that taking food without asking makes people cross and that's why she isn't invited to their homes.
This problem isn't going to be solved by getting her to the park a few times a week. This is seriously disordered eating in a very young child and needs proper professional intervention. She needs a blood test to rule out any medical cause for her hunger and you need advice from a dietician.

As unfair as it might seem I think your first move is to stop buying snacks and treat completely……if there’s none in the house she cannot raid the cupboard can she!
A visit to the GP would be wise too, there is a need for medical assessment IMO, carrying the extra weight will impact on her developing joints and vital organs. The more weight she carries, the less likely she is to want to be active.
Get the wider family on board too, ask them to not have snacks easily available to her when she visits.
As a family, be as active as possible. The weather is improving and the chance for outside activity is better. Make the effort to walk everywhere whenever possible, jumping in the car is all too easy!

I’d consider some kind of child appropriate therapy. Is this overeating a response to her family life? You mentioned there are step kids involved and her dad doesn’t exactly sound like a great parent….

Well done for taking action now but how have you let this happen? Why are people baking cupcakes around her? Why do you have a treat cupboard?

what is she having to drink? Stop everything apart from water and sugar free squash.
Reduce her portions.

Is she getting food at school or buying from shops ? Does she take a packed lunch ? If not - talk to school about her lunches too.

Think of some opportunities to be more active with her .