How have your intensive / time-consuming hobbies/sports changed for you since becoming a parent?

[ToRideOrNotToRide]

I’m interested to hear from parents who have a time consuming or intense hobby and how that’s played out after becoming a parent. I’m talking about hobbies / sports that take up hours per week (as opposed to people who like to run 5km twice a week).

My hobby is /was cycling, especially mountain biking. I actually found it easier to find the time when DC was a baby/ toddler and used to ride a lot in the evening after DC in bed and would do a longer ride at the weekend while DC had one-on-one time with DH.

Now DC is older (late primary school) I’m finding it impossible to find the time. Weekends I want to hang out with DC and DC does a lot of hobbies that I like to support / watch. Evenings are busier as bedtime is later and there’s homework / clubs etc.

I still fit in short 5km runs, walking, and lift weights so I’m still looking after my physical & mental health. I’m not completely neglecting my needs. But I can’t regularly do an activity like mountain biking for myself that takes up several hours these days. So it’s on the back burner for now. I do also work ( 4 days per week but from home and spread over 5 to help with school runs etc).

I’ve kind of made peace with it, as I do enjoy my life and time with DC and know that ultimately my relationship with DC is the most important thing.

But I do also feel quite sad, especially as my friendship group was mainly built around the cycling and that has pretty much fallen away so I feel like I’ve lost my social life too. I’ve tried and failed to build a social life with the school mum crowd.

I just wanted to hear what other people’s experiences have been.

Oh and just to add DH has also compromised his hobbies to the same degree as me since becoming a parent. He is not some absent dad out on the golf course / his bike all weekend!

I’m sorry that you are missing out. I completely understand your position though I’m in a much younger stage so it’s different.

I used to go for a swim twice a week after work and now I just want to see DC and race from work to nursery pick up. It would be hard to enjoy it like I used to knowing it’s time I could spend with DC.

I don’t know much about mountain biking but are there activities you could be doing with DC now to prepare them to take up the hobby too?

Most of my sporty colleagues work 4 or 4.5 days. That gives an afternoon a week for a long run or ride. If DH can do the school run, you can also do a long ride first thing in the morning and finish at work. It doesn't help if you have regular fixed full day meets though. I've dropped how much I compete because it's not fair on DH to leave DC with him so often.

ETA: I changed sport to something that could be done in shorter blocks but still with the social aspect. Friends don't have to be mum friends or mountain bike friends, there are other options. I don't have much in common with the other mums.

I don’t know much about mountain biking but are there activities you could be doing with DC now to prepare them to take up the hobby too

Thanks @FunnyOrca . We do cycle with DC but obviously DC can’t yet do long or difficult rides. I also don’t want to push DC into my hobby.

@NoodBanaan what sport did you swap from and to?

I'm going to have to name change because it's genuinely outing! I've switched from underwater hockey, marathon & triathlon to fin swimming and 10k. I'll be able to go back if I want because they'll keep my condition up. Looking forward to the kids being big enough to do mountain sports.

@NoodBanaan that could genuinely be outing - unlike cycling or running!

Two of the really serious people, both men, chose not to have children and to focus their life around their sport and training for it (ultramarathons, extreme marathons) — both have also arranged their working lives around it. One is married, the other has fought shy of committed relationships.

The others ate married with children still do their sport one weekend day and one evening a week, and train at 5 am.

I used to cycle a lot, now..... I don't! Like you I now run a bit, which I enjoy but I am not particularly fit because I struggle to be consistent. I have a 2yo and a 4yo and not being able to be as fit and active as I used to be is probably the worst thing about having kids IMO. Our eldest is great on his peddle bike and will come with me on a run (5-10km) which is lovely. I can't wait until the youngest graduates from his balance bike too as we will become much more mobile!

I am also an ex-cyclist for these reasons @ToRideOrNotToRide. I am a current teen enrichment activity taxi service, and older generation taxi, shopper, light care provider. I plan to get back on my bike when I retire - this gives me the motivation to keep going to the gym (whilst everyone is still asleep!).

@whywonthelisten @IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

Nice to hear from some other cyclists on a break! I know a lot of older women who are doing some really fantastic cycling stuff in retirement - it’s an inspiration.

Unless one works part time, only extremely shitty and lazy parents have time for very time consuming hobbies as it wouldn't leave any time and energy to be a good parent. I don't know any mothers or fathers with time consuming hobbies except divorced ones.

Life changes when you have kids. There will be plenty of time for it once they're older teens.

@ToddlerFun67899 which is why DH and I have both massively stepped back from time consuming hobbies

Watersports for me. I do a lot less partly because I really like going out with my partner! We are working up to my parents looking after my 2yo over night so we can go and do a weekend away together for the first time since 2023...

Yeah, I can see that. I do also sometimes wonder if I'm not doing enough for ME, are other parents leading more exciting lives etc....and the truth is they really don't 😅

I think about my own mum and I remember her really starting to thrive when I was about 12, she started losing some weight, got some new clothes, started going out more, now I'm a parent that timing sort of makes sense. I was quite self sufficient at 12, didn't need ferrying around anymore, homework was all very independent, weekends I spent with my friends loads. She probably found herself with quite a lot more time on her hands.

I have two preschoolers and I have no time whatsoever for any kind of personal hobbies, which is exhausting.

I try to go to the gym on my lunch break at work. That’s it for ‘me time’.

I used to rock climb and I have accepted that I just can’t do this regularly at the moment. The baby is not yet 1. I’m hopeful as he gets older it will be more possible. I too have an extremely supportive and involved partner. But I work close to full time and parent and am tired and rock climbing involves travel and several hours to do an actual decent session.

I’m hoping to get into a better routine with running and some strength training in the meantime, and just rock climb on a more ad hoc basis for the time being.

but I am sad. My climbing partner is a chap, no kids yet, and he’s still climbing as frequently as ever and there’s a widening gulf in our abilities now. One thing that is comforting is that climbing is a sport that women can progress and get personal bests in well to their 50s, so there’s plenty of time to get back into it.

@Quickdraw23 yeah I hadn't appreciated the magnitude of that gulf that happens in those years when us women are taken out by pregnancy and post partum. Not just career wise (as that's a different, depressing topic) but physical. I had a tough pregnancy and almost 2 years on I still need regular physio and am not anywhere near where I was pre-pregnancy. I ran a marathon a month before I got pregnant, went on a big hiking trip in Argentina, I was skiing twice a year etc. I now can't manage an easy hour hike and probably won't for a while. If I have another baby, that's just my physical strength and ability wiped out, I'll be doing some light pilates and a brisk walk for the rest of my life.

It sounds like you were functioning at an extremely high level in regards to exercise before having your baby. It can be a huge shock to the system to have such a difference in ability and fitness.

im sorry to hear you have had such difficulty post-partum. Is your physio helpful? Are they able to talk about the long term potential with ongoing rehab?

Obviously I don’t know your situation and absolutely don’t want to patronise or be dismissive, but I do work in a related area, and I know that sometimes rehab can take years, but things can improve in the long term.

wishing you well!

Yeah, I can see that. I do also sometimes wonder if I'm not doing enough for ME, are other parents leading more exciting lives etc....and the truth is they really don't

@ToddlerFun67899

Yes I am happy that I’m doing enough for me - lift weights 2/3 times per week (from home on lunch break) and the odd hikes & runs (again normally lunch breaks) and I do sometimes squeeze in a cycle with friends while DC at school. So I’m not doing bad my at all. Also it helps that DH has made the same sacrifices so there’s no resentment.

I’m hoping to get into a better routine with running and some strength training in the meantime, and just rock climb on a more ad hoc basis for the time being.
but I am sad. My climbing partner is a chap, no kids yet, and he’s still climbing as frequently as ever and there’s a widening gulf in our abilities now. One thing that is comforting is that climbing is a sport that women can progress and get personal bests in well to their 50s, so there’s plenty of time to get back into it

@Quickdraw23 I relate so much to your post. I have also accepted for now any serious biking is on the back-burner and I’m focussing on staying fit and strong in the meantime. I know many women who have accomplished pretty cool sporting stuff age 50+

My biking buddies are mostly either childfree or have much older children. There are a couple with younger kids but they are SAHMs with school aged kids so a very different position to a working mum like me. I’ve stopped comparing myself to them because comparison really is the thief of joy, and I have sooo much to be grateful for.

But it’s sad because my biking buddies have all progressed loads in their abilities and developed some great friendships with each other, so yes I do feel a bit left out and I’m kind of accepting if and when I do get back into it I’ll probably need to find a new group.

I used to train and play my main sport around 5 times a week in the season (a team sport), before we had kids. DH was often away with work anyway. That had to stop when the kids arrived, and I’ve been playing 1-2 (occasionally 3) times since then, at a slightly lower standard.

I have tried and loved so many things since then - cycling, climbing, yoga, weightlifting, running, etc. All have taught me something and have helped offset the pressure put on my body by my main sport.

My kids are teens now, have also experienced loads of sports and activities. My eldest now loves the team sport as much as I do and we play in the same team for part of the season, which is a delight! We will definitely struggle with logistics if the younger child also joins an adult team, but the club is a safe space and gives them such great exposure to a range of people and experiences. The eldest helps with coaching the littlies. My younger kid currently favours a martial art, but they both do at least 3 activities, some with multiple training sessions a week - we have sacrificed a lot to make it work and sometimes I think it’s all too much!

Oh and I am hoping to get back into my sport at a more competitive level with age group teams (county and regional selection) when the kids are a bit older. I have friends who play for England at over 45s, 60s etc and they have so much fun. And we have a load of parents rejoin the sport since they’re at the club anyway.

I think what I’m trying to say is - you’ll find your niche with the kids! Let them try lots of stuff, find things you can do together, let them see you making the choice to prioritise your sport sometimes (ie physical and mental health), and it’ll still be good, just in a new way. You are in the thick of the hardest bit - it gets better!

Also it helps that DH has made the same sacrifices so there’s no resentment.

This is so true. The one thing that makes it all bearable is that we are in the shit together. 😂

I play netball. Pre kids this was 4 times a week probably, including training, weekend matches, weekday matches and tournaments which take a whole day at weekends.

now I play for a team which don’t train so I’m only committed to a 1 hour game on a Saturday morning, and can opt in to extra games on weekday evenings when the kids are in bed if I want, but I’m not committed.

Netball does seem to be one of the better sports for this though. You can play at loads of levels, competitive and non competitive and completions are at the local school so not too much travel. Training sessions tend to be an hour or two in an evening. Maybe the fact it’s (almost) all women is what makes it compatible with family life!

Ive previously been involved with/know someone involved with rowing, running, cycling, swimming, all of which a) seem to involve a much greater commitment to training, even if only competing at a low level and b) seem to involve a lot more travel for competition. Rowing was frequently a weekend away for a 20 minute race, or a whole day at a regatta for 3x 7 minute races. Whereas netball you turn up, play for an hour and go home. Much more efficient!!

think what I’m trying to say is - you’ll find your niche with the kids! Let them try lots of stuff, find things you can do together, let them see you making the choice to prioritise your sport sometimes (ie physical and mental health), and it’ll still be good, just in a new way. You are in the thick of the hardest bit - it gets better

@StrongGirlsLift I agree. DC is really getting into horse riding so I’m currently planning to get back in the saddle!

@modgepodge - unfortunately I am terrible at netball!

This thread is interesting. I'm not in the UK and there's such a cultural difference. In my middle class bubble, most of us work part time, inc dads and childfree people, often to train for marathons! I think there's less fetishisation of motherhood here compared to MN, so it's considered completely normal to leave a breastfed baby with dad to go on a girls ski trip, and no one would question a couple of tournaments per year. I haven't done a ski trip yet because mine doesn't sleep and I'd rather sleep! Probably helps that we're very urban so there's plenty of choice of sports and we have good physio provision.