How have your intensive / time-consuming hobbies/sports changed for you since becoming a parent?

[ToRideOrNotToRide]

I’m interested to hear from parents who have a time consuming or intense hobby and how that’s played out after becoming a parent. I’m talking about hobbies / sports that take up hours per week (as opposed to people who like to run 5km twice a week).

My hobby is /was cycling, especially mountain biking. I actually found it easier to find the time when DC was a baby/ toddler and used to ride a lot in the evening after DC in bed and would do a longer ride at the weekend while DC had one-on-one time with DH.

Now DC is older (late primary school) I’m finding it impossible to find the time. Weekends I want to hang out with DC and DC does a lot of hobbies that I like to support / watch. Evenings are busier as bedtime is later and there’s homework / clubs etc.

I still fit in short 5km runs, walking, and lift weights so I’m still looking after my physical & mental health. I’m not completely neglecting my needs. But I can’t regularly do an activity like mountain biking for myself that takes up several hours these days. So it’s on the back burner for now. I do also work ( 4 days per week but from home and spread over 5 to help with school runs etc).

I’ve kind of made peace with it, as I do enjoy my life and time with DC and know that ultimately my relationship with DC is the most important thing.

But I do also feel quite sad, especially as my friendship group was mainly built around the cycling and that has pretty much fallen away so I feel like I’ve lost my social life too. I’ve tried and failed to build a social life with the school mum crowd.

I just wanted to hear what other people’s experiences have been.

Oh and just to add DH has also compromised his hobbies to the same degree as me since becoming a parent. He is not some absent dad out on the golf course / his bike all weekend!

I think you just have to accept that some things are on a back burner over the next few years for you & your partner.

I had to scale back massively on my 2 hobbies with DC - hiking & dog agility. I stopped seriosly competing with the dogs for a few years but continued the training & did fun dog shows with DC instead. Hiking is easier as it could be adjusted to DC - so I did just a bit less & child friendly. Now my DC are older teenagers (and have their own hobbies) I'm in the position again to run dogs at more serious competitions and go for the odd point to point hike like in my younger years. Although things are very different now to what they were previously. Age & menopause do catch up eventually!
What I never gave up was the gym and keeping fit.
Just enjoy your DC, give them the opportunity to develop their own interests and help them to build their confidence.

PS: it's definitely not all on the women! My DH had to scale back on his running & cycling....

Pre kids and in early years I had horses; they got older and eventually pts, and I didn't get another as by that time we were immersed in kids needing to be in different places at different times for their own sports - it always did seem to take both of us logistically. We're coming out of the end of that now but rather than wanting to go back into horse sport obsessively, I'd like to use the relative freedom to travel I think. Most sports/hobbies done seriously are pretty expensive and tying, and I've gradually come to accept that you can't have it all, all of the time. That's not to say that I don't look back with nostalgia.

@Renovationation91 we built a home gym last year and it’s been a game changer

@mindutopia thst sounds lovely, where abouts are you?
We are down south and have hiking, off road trails, mountain biking on the doorstep plus a lake for swimming

I used to shoot for my county. Then ds came along, and shooting grounds do not have creches.

My ex opted out of parenting almost immediately, 🙄so I did nothing except work, gardening and child care until ds was 8, then I started running (low cost, anytime, anywhere), now ds is 17, running, cycling, gardening & bee keeping.

Might go back to shooting when ds heads off to uni.

Would you want your girls DC to give up everything that makes them a person in order to be mothers and devote all their time & energy to the home?

This thread is about striking a balance and making things work.

This absolutely; well said. I think it's great for kids to grow up appreciating that you can fit lots in, but that there are compromises too. And that it's ok to miss periods of your life where you didn't have to compromise.

We only had one dc - partly because of this - but it still has been an issue. Summers are easier because dh and I can alternative doing things in the evening. Once ds started secondary school it got easier still because he started meeting friends outside the house. So I’d know I had a couple of hours when I could go out on my bike. Either with dh or not. Gradually he did that more and more. At 16 he got a job so was out all day Saturday and since then I’ve been pretty much free to do what I want. He’s now studying loads ready for A levels and off to uni in September. Which is then when I’ll have complete freedom. Time goes so so quickly and I am happy the sacrifices I made to be with ds

Surely you could miss one or two evenings at home if you have the weekends together. I play tennis and have given up weekend tournaments and leagues but I play 1-2 evenings a week. I’m gone for 3-4 hours and DH just does dinner and bedtime those evenings. He does the same 1-2 evenings a week. It’s also social for me so I sympathise with you missing out on that. You are a person too OP, you sont have to give up what you love. You sound like a dedicated parent and partner.