Baby Preston Davey - Content warning concerns CSA (added by MNHQ)

[Sadmamma35]

I’ve just read about baby Preston Davey and I cannot stop thinking about him. I have a 13-month-old of my own, which is probably why this has hit me so hard — I can really relate and my baby is my everything.
I’m crying as I write this. Why does it hurt so much for a baby I’ve never even met? Has anyone else felt this way?
How do you cope with the negative thoughts that follow when you read something like this? 💙

No, that is emotive, certainly not logical.

Are men less than women because we don't let them into women and childrens changing rooms? Or are we managing a known risk?

Acknowledging that this particular set up (2 male adopters) is much riskier than a woman/male or woman/woman adopters, could have saved this little baby.

If this risk was acknowledged openly, perhaps more people would have felt safe to report their concerns without worrying about the risk to their livelihoods or reputations.

It is much riskier than two women but then so are households with a stepparent (specifically father) or who live in poverty or many other factors.

I don’t think there is a solution sadly.

Did she say she didn't?
The point was when you have a child seeing other children hurt and suffering hits harder because you imagine it happening to your own child.
It doesn't matter what race or religion those children are

I was actually thinking about the same. What’s available already and how can I help? I don’t want to turn a blind eye and pretend that it is not happening

It depends on which part of the system you would like to help with. Supporting child protection related stuff isn't for everyone and there's no shame in that. There's other ways you can help children, for example my child with additional needs (related to adoption) has a fantastic supporter at a regular club eg like scouts. It means they are able to access it in a way that suits them and be like any other kid, and we get some respite which is enormously helpful

There are often roles for things like befrienders/ independent visitors of older children in care.https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/support-us/volunteer-with-us/ https://ivnetwork.org.uk/become-an-iv/

We have local charities that do it too

Adoption panels have volunteers etc on them too as an independent person

Obviously charities like bernados also input at times

Stuff to do with young children is often safely guarded to limit the impact of lots of transient people within their lives

You can read the manifestos of political parties very carefully and see which ones are committed to improving health and social care funding.

You can report any and every concern you have about a child to your local safeguarding hub.

Stories like this are abhorrent, but even with the best social care system in the world, children will die.

None of us went through that degree thinking anything other than we wanted to protect children. Lack of funding and unsafe caseloads has even the best social workers burning out and leaving. The news doesn’t report all of the children that are saved, but I agree overall that the system is broken.

We only hear about the disasters though, not all the children that have been protected.
If genuinely nothing had changed since the 1970s there would be a lot more deaths.

Men are much, much more likely to be paedophiles though and this baby died as a direct result of sexual assualt.
Maybe male-only adoptive families need a higher level of scrutiny or additional psychological profiling though.

Honestly I know just what you mean. My DS is 15 and hearing about this case always makes me go to him and give him a hug. I loved him as a tiny baby and I love him now.

I think most people’s instinct is to protect tiny babies and small children, and it’s horrifying when we see this sort of thing.

It doesn't matter the age, nationality, religion, culture, or sexual orientation of the man, just that it is a fucking man, every time.

You couldn't be more wrong. I refer to the Gaza babies because that is exactly what I saw on social media when DD was 7 months old. And that was the first instance of seeing something like that since becoming a mother. It is appalling and heartbreaking that any vulnerable being is hurt - no matter the race, religion or anything.

And shame on you for trying to make it political. I am so sick of the saddos of this world trying to pit people against each other. Not happening here.

Horrifying case 😢I suspect social workers and others are afraid to be seen as bigoted, so they are likely less keen to accuse gay couples of abuse. There's also a class element, I think; social services often seem completely incapable of spotting abuse or neglect when it's carried out by middle class parents. I have a couple of friends who grew up in appallingly abusive homes, but because their parents were middle cass professionals, it was ignored, even with one of them where social services visited repeatedly due to the school reporting abuse. They spent more time gushing over the lovely detached house and his parents jobs than they did investigating the multiple non accidental injuries.

Yes OP. Broke my heart. May he rest in peace and never again know any suffering. Poor baby.

I’m actually going through the approval process currently to be a foster carer, this is largely led by the utter despair I feel at knowing what goes on in the world, and I feel this is just about the only thing I can do, to help somehow, it’s still early days and I’ve not reached the stage of having a placement yet, but this is my way of channelling the feelings of helplessness! My children are primary age so it’s more manageable (I hope!) im really hoping it all works out x

Lovely to hear but sadly there are too many foster carers out there who are only in it for the money.

That would surprise me, I don't think the allowances are very much and I'm sure there are much easier ways to make a lot more money?

I used to earn more a week in my 37.5 hours a week, NHS band 4 job than I do as a foster carer.

Exactly. This narrative really annoys me.

Foster carers are bringing traumatised children, and all of the behaviours that come with that, into their homes and families, and when you look at the hours “worked” they’re barely getting minimum wage!

Yes maybe there are some people who are doing it just to get paid, who knows, it’s a big life change and a lot of work involved to earn less than minimum wage though, this wasn’t the point of my comment though it was simply a conversation around what I’m personally doing, to channel the feelings of helplessness I have, in wanting to help vulnerable children, I have the room to do it and the love and time to give a child, so I’m giving it a go x

Absolutely heartbreaking -my own children are long grown up but I remember them being tiny boys .These disgusting animals should be put into prisons unprotected where they will be torn apart .
It is what they deserve .

I admire you and take my hat off. I have three kids under 5 and have just finished my maternity leave. I will give back one day

I completely understand you OP. When the Southport attacks happened, my DD was the same age and had been to a (different) dance camp on the same day, about 20 miles away. I was a mess. It definitely hits you in a different way when there are details/circumstances that are similar to your own.

I am also following this case and it is breaking my heart. May God bless that little boy. I also feel for so many others in this situation - the foster mother. The hospital staff. The jury.

I feel fragile after reading that in the news today. I also read about the girl, Athena, kidnapped by the fedex driver and the poor baby Gigi yesterday, it’s sickening what people can be capable of.

In this case with baby Preston, I feel so horrible this child was taken away from his birth parents (which I’m presuming was the right decision?) but then he had a great life with the foster mum it seems. I was surprised to read that he was officially handed over to this couple at 10 months where he would have had a good bond formed already with the foster mum. and she struggled to meet with Preston after that as the two men made it difficult. I don’t know much about adoption but I thought that there would have been more official social work meetings organised between the foster parents/ adoptive parents when he moved in with them, it doesn’t sound like a gradual process at all, that must be traumatising for a child to go through even if the parents are non-abusive. I presumed it would have to be more of a foster to adopt situation with a baby this young where they don’t adopt straight away but spend some time fostering, surely someone would have noticed something if they did it this way? I’m probably being naive though.

The foster mum said that all meetings before the final handover were great, she only had concerns as soon as the official handover was completed as the couple changed. These sick freaks knew what they were doing, they must have planned to abuse him all along and started it early on considering he was in hospital 4 times in 4 months with injuries. That is not normal, I have a v active toddler who falls a lot and is constantly bruised but nothing to warrant hospital visits, and I guarantee if she was to end up in hospital it wouldn’t happen 3 more times in such a small time frame. This should have been flagged, at the very least it was sign that they were not capable of handling a lively baby.

We adopted a 3 year old child. He'd lived, happily, with the foster carer since aged 18 months. The foster carer visited our house once, then we had a 2 week "bridging" period where we visited him daily, gradually introducing him to our house, picking him up from nursery and taking him out. It was done over 2 weeks, as the foster carer had a holiday booked that she couldn't take him on and no one wanted him to go into temporary foster care whilst getting to know us as it would have been so confusing for him. However, we continued to have visits from both our son's and our social workers for a long time after he moved in with us. I cannot believe these monsters were allowed to adopt and that no one, social workers, doctors etc picked up on the fact that he was being abused. Watching the video of those monsters at the hospital, it's so obvious that they are acting. I just can't get my head around how no one picked up on this.

The video was ridiculous wasn’t it? Such an act? He seemed so OTT and I wonder if social workers noticed this over zealous behaviour and just ignored it, a neighbour described Varley as full of himself, I’d imagine the social workers just thought he was a fun, camp guy and felt they couldn’t voice their concerns if they had any. Gay men get away with far too much by hiding behind a mean, camp guy persona that’s all supposed to be a bit of banter. The messages he was sending to family members were far from normal even as far as dark humour goes who texts their mum and says, ‘I took this photo before I murdered him’ and in another message he said to his partner ‘I’ve strangled your son.’ Just so inappropriate especially coming from newly adoptive parents who should have been on their best behaviour. Sounds like they didn’t like him at all, complained about his sleep etc. what did they expect, a child is ripped from his lovely foster home and taken by two strangers, of course his sleep was going to be terrible.