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Original poster

Parent’s Evening Drama. Should I go or not?!

67 replies

TheStepMom · 22/04/2026 10:16

Hi. This is my first post - the first time I have reached out to be fair so please go easy!

I’ve been with my OH for 7 years. He has a child. He and his ex wife do not get on. They would argue and she would withhold access.

eventually he took her to court over access and we now see SS 5 out of 7 days and he stays twice a week. I’ve known him for 6 years and he is like my shadow.

OH is a great dad. I try not to get too involved out of respect for Mum but SS wants me involved in everything and always has. Things like sports days or assemblies etc SS has always asked me to go - mum hates it but I’m so close to him that I don’t want to upset him and I’m happy that he wants me involved.

fast forward to this week. He is now in High School. It’s parents evening next week and my OH and his mum go to separate appointments. I am not being offensive in the slightest when I say this because they are both great parents in my opinion but I do all the homework with him as I am more academic than both of them.

He asked me if I could go and speak to the teachers with Dad so I know what is going on. Dad has said he would love me to be there. I know Mum would be furious - she already hates how close me and him are and that he is close to my family.

I don’t know what to do. Do I go and upset mum and feel out of place or not go out of respect for her and upset him and his dad?! I have never been to a parents evening before because i feel it has never been my place.

Just to add sorry i did think about speaking to mum but she is severely unapproachable and it's not worth the grief!!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/04/2026 10:19

Go, he wants you there, you’re involved in homework and supporting his education. It’s not ex’s decision and it sounds like relations are already poor so this won’t make any difference.

DontReplyAll · 22/04/2026 10:21

By high school, it’s the boy’s choice - go for him.

StrawberryWater · 22/04/2026 10:22

Go with dad. Who care if mum is angry, she has her own appointment and ss wants you to go and that's all that should matter.

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Bered · 22/04/2026 10:29

How old is your step son?

Original poster
TheStepMom · 22/04/2026 10:32

Bered · 22/04/2026 10:29

How old is your step son?

He’s 13. I’ve been in his life since he was 6

OP posts:
Bered · 22/04/2026 11:55

TheStepMom · 22/04/2026 10:32

He’s 13. I’ve been in his life since he was 6

Show quote history

And he follows you around like a shadow?

Any siblings?

how much are you a actually helping him with his homework?! I have a 13 year old and I’m asked to help with homework once in. A blue moon! How it should

Original poster
TheStepMom · 22/04/2026 12:29

Bered · 22/04/2026 11:55

And he follows you around like a shadow?

Any siblings?

how much are you a actually helping him with his homework?! I have a 13 year old and I’m asked to help with homework once in. A blue moon! How it should

Edited
Show quote history

He has done since I first met him. We have always gone on well but other things like the Court case - and to be fair, their parenting before it with the arguments - really put him in the middle of things. The mum for example told him about the case. She would also constantly email OH and say things like “he’s come home anxious and saying X, Y, Z” constantly and when OH would address it with him, he would have no idea what was being said. So then we got into a position when he was about 8 or 9 and he’d start to tell me things he would be worried about telling his parents and if needed, i would tell his dad in a way that he didnt need to worry about things.

School wise he does his homework at our house and i will check his homework with him most nights and will help him with anything that he is struggling with.
No other siblings.

OP posts:
Twasasurprise · 22/04/2026 12:36

It does sound like he wants you to go, and you should if you are able to. What a lovely presence you are in his life ❤️.

Bered · 22/04/2026 13:49

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Pricelessadvice · 22/04/2026 13:53

If he wants you to go, I’d go.
You’re his dad’s partner and have been in his life a long time. It’s refreshing to hear about someone who is so key in the step child’s life and who clearly has a great relationship with him.

Laiste · 22/04/2026 14:08

As his Dads partner you can go.

His mum (and any partner she has) can go separately at a different time in the evening.

It's common in schools to have separate appointments for mum and dad.

Savvysix1984 · 22/04/2026 14:10

I’ve a 14 year old and I haven’t helped them with homework since the start of year 7. How much support does he need?

Bered · 22/04/2026 14:14

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Original poster
TheStepMom · 22/04/2026 14:31

Savvysix1984 · 22/04/2026 14:10

I’ve a 14 year old and I haven’t helped them with homework since the start of year 7. How much support does he need?

He is a bright kid he just has no confidence which is why he asks for me to check his homework.
He’s also learning a language in school that I speak fluently so I’m helping with that too

OP posts:
ButterYellowHair · 22/04/2026 14:32

Yes go. If she’s at a separate appt just tell DH not to mention you were there

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/04/2026 15:34

It is the childs decision and he has asked for you to go so that's it. I assume it's a face to face set of appointments so you may run into her?

If not and it's online, then realistically she'll have no idea that you've attended.
If it's in person and you are all queuing up to meet each teacher then it's going to be awkward even more so if your step son is expected to attend and there's an atmosphere. So if it's face to face I would simply tell your husband that he should email her to say that SS has asked for you to be there because you sometimes help him with his homework and SS is worried it is going to upset her. He's reassured him that it won't be an issue because his parents want him to do well in school but he's still worried....

Lightuptheroom · 22/04/2026 15:45

To be honest the mum should be used to this by now. My ex just used to book different times and only didn't take his wife when DS specified that he didn't want her there (their relationship wasn't one of help and assistance so DS didn't want her at his school) Practically, if you know that you're going to run into mum at this parents evening, then stay away and catch up with the teachers another time. They've no intention of attending 'together' but she may decide to create a scene which no one wants to witness.

Littlebigtoe · 22/04/2026 17:42

Have you considered therapy for your DSS? Being his step mum’s shadow at 13 is a sign that something is very seriously amiss

Taxeffectively · 23/04/2026 14:30

He stays with you 2 nights a week?

mindutopia · 23/04/2026 21:04

If he’s asked you to go, then I would consider going.

But I think it’s a sad state of affairs that he doesn’t think his dad can handle this on his own. Dh and I rarely both go to parents evening. It really doesn’t take two adults and presumably he would then have 3 adults going.

I would give some consideration to scheduling. He will need to go around both with his dad and his mum. Have they booked appointments so they don’t clash? Are they are completely separate days? If so, that solves your problem and you won’t bump into her at all. If on the same day, you need different times, his dad is 3:30-5pm and mum repeats the same appointments 5-6:30pm, otherwise everything will clash.

Hiyoulookgood · 24/04/2026 06:22

mindutopia · 23/04/2026 21:04

If he’s asked you to go, then I would consider going.

But I think it’s a sad state of affairs that he doesn’t think his dad can handle this on his own. Dh and I rarely both go to parents evening. It really doesn’t take two adults and presumably he would then have 3 adults going.

I would give some consideration to scheduling. He will need to go around both with his dad and his mum. Have they booked appointments so they don’t clash? Are they are completely separate days? If so, that solves your problem and you won’t bump into her at all. If on the same day, you need different times, his dad is 3:30-5pm and mum repeats the same appointments 5-6:30pm, otherwise everything will clash.

This. He follows his step mum around like a shadow, has he check his homework, and wants her to come to his parents evening - he’s 13. Very odd.

And he’s only at the OP’s 2 nights a week!

awfulapril · 24/04/2026 06:23

If you've got different appointments, why would she know.

As a teacher I find this an utter bloody waste of time that two adults are wasting 2 slots about the same child.

VashtaNerada · 24/04/2026 06:28

You’re his step mum and that’s an important role. He’s lucky to have three adults in his life who care about him. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that he asks for your help with homework, I think that’s lovely.

JuliettaCaeser · 24/04/2026 06:31

God if I was a teacher I would be rolling my eyes to heaven at having to have two parents evenings for one kid due to their parents relationship dramas. How embarrassing.

User7435977 · 24/04/2026 06:39

No, I don’t think you should go. Not because of his mother but because it should not take three adults to talk about one bright thirteen year old boy.