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Original poster

Parent’s Evening Drama. Should I go or not?!

67 replies

TheStepMom · 22/04/2026 10:16

Hi. This is my first post - the first time I have reached out to be fair so please go easy!

I’ve been with my OH for 7 years. He has a child. He and his ex wife do not get on. They would argue and she would withhold access.

eventually he took her to court over access and we now see SS 5 out of 7 days and he stays twice a week. I’ve known him for 6 years and he is like my shadow.

OH is a great dad. I try not to get too involved out of respect for Mum but SS wants me involved in everything and always has. Things like sports days or assemblies etc SS has always asked me to go - mum hates it but I’m so close to him that I don’t want to upset him and I’m happy that he wants me involved.

fast forward to this week. He is now in High School. It’s parents evening next week and my OH and his mum go to separate appointments. I am not being offensive in the slightest when I say this because they are both great parents in my opinion but I do all the homework with him as I am more academic than both of them.

He asked me if I could go and speak to the teachers with Dad so I know what is going on. Dad has said he would love me to be there. I know Mum would be furious - she already hates how close me and him are and that he is close to my family.

I don’t know what to do. Do I go and upset mum and feel out of place or not go out of respect for her and upset him and his dad?! I have never been to a parents evening before because i feel it has never been my place.

Just to add sorry i did think about speaking to mum but she is severely unapproachable and it's not worth the grief!!

OP posts:
WhatAGreatDay · 24/04/2026 06:54

Why are you doing all his homework with him? Kids really need to do their own homework unless they are struggling with something in particular and then the teachers need to know. I know someone who is stillvery actively involved with her child's homework (i.e. she pretty much writes the essays) and he's doing A levels this year. University/work is going to be a shock.

superchick · 24/04/2026 07:02

My experience of secondary school parents evening is that in years 7, 8 and 9 the teachers barely know who each child is and find it hard to speak for 5 minutes about them. Luckily they were online so only a fairly minimal waste of my time. Was different in year 10 and 11 when the teachers started to show an interest in DD. I wouldn't bother if I were you, it only takes one parent. If there are specific issues with DSS at school they should probably be addressed away from parents eve.

Startoftheyear2026 · 24/04/2026 07:11

I disagree with most posters and don’t think you should go.
He’s old enough to understand it will upset his mother. There’s no need to be there to talk to the teachers. He and his dad should be able to have the conversations and relay the key points to you. It sounds like you’re far too involved and should remain supportive without behaving like a parent.

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somanychristmaslights · 24/04/2026 07:18

SS wants you there. As long as DH agrees with that, then go

DownyBirch · 24/04/2026 08:08

Hiyoulookgood · 24/04/2026 06:22

This. He follows his step mum around like a shadow, has he check his homework, and wants her to come to his parents evening - he’s 13. Very odd.

And he’s only at the OP’s 2 nights a week!

Show quote history

Read the OP properly. He sees his Dad and OP 5 days a week and usually does his homework at their house. I would assume it suits everyone for him to go to his Dad's straight after school.

Hiyoulookgood · 24/04/2026 08:09

DownyBirch · 24/04/2026 08:08

Read the OP properly. He sees his Dad and OP 5 days a week and usually does his homework at their house. I would assume it suits everyone for him to go to his Dad's straight after school.

Show quote history

Pause

He stays overnight 2x a week

Hiyoulookgood · 24/04/2026 08:09

Either way - this 13 year old does not sound like he’s in a good place… following his step mum around like a shadow is odd.

BerryTwister · 24/04/2026 08:18

Startoftheyear2026 · 24/04/2026 07:11

I disagree with most posters and don’t think you should go.
He’s old enough to understand it will upset his mother. There’s no need to be there to talk to the teachers. He and his dad should be able to have the conversations and relay the key points to you. It sounds like you’re far too involved and should remain supportive without behaving like a parent.

Ignore this post OP. Parents evening is about a child’s education, and what is best for that. It’s not a time for pussyfooting around the feelings of one of his parents. Child wants you there, it’s his education being discussed, that’s the priority.

DisappearingGirl · 24/04/2026 08:28

I don't think there anything wrong with a 13 year old being close to an adult he trusts, or being helped with homework, as long as OP isn't doing it for him.

I have an 11 and 14 year old and they both ask for help with homework sometimes. Either because it's hard (maths) or as OP says as a confidence thing, or sometimes just to chivvy them to get on with it. Other times they do it on their own. We certainly don't do it for them though.

Sometimes MN suggests kids should be totally self sufficient at 13/14. I think this very much depends on the kid. Also it's possible to be self sufficient in some ways but not others. It sounds like the SS really trusts OP as a stable presence.

As for parents evening I'm not sure. It would be nice to go if SS wants OP there, but not sure it's worth winding up mum, if she has a history of being a bit dramatic and upsetting SS. A stable co-parenting situation is worth quite a lot! So it might depend if she would find out.

Dontcallmescarface · 24/04/2026 09:58

You should go if it's what your SS wants. The mother needs to grow up and understand that no matter what she thinks of you, her child wants you there so she'll just have to suck it up for his sake.

blackpooolrock · 24/04/2026 10:26

Startoftheyear2026 · 24/04/2026 07:11

I disagree with most posters and don’t think you should go.
He’s old enough to understand it will upset his mother. There’s no need to be there to talk to the teachers. He and his dad should be able to have the conversations and relay the key points to you. It sounds like you’re far too involved and should remain supportive without behaving like a parent.

OP is the step PARENT. Heaven forbid giving a child support that the child wants.

Once again some of the comments on this thread are pretty shocking. Woman attacking other woman for helping a child.

OP if the child wants you there then go, don't worry about his crazy mum, she sounds really selfish as shes made this about her rather than supporting the child. It sounds like he really values you and you have a positive impact in his life.

latetothefisting · 24/04/2026 10:35

awfulapril · 24/04/2026 06:23

If you've got different appointments, why would she know.

As a teacher I find this an utter bloody waste of time that two adults are wasting 2 slots about the same child.

Not a teacher but was thinking the exact same. How pathetic of the dad and mum that they can't even be in the same room together for an hour or so in the best interests of their child. If every parent demanded that the school would have to hold multiple parents' evenings per year group, none of which the teachers are paid for!

blackpooolrock · 24/04/2026 11:00

latetothefisting · 24/04/2026 10:35

Not a teacher but was thinking the exact same. How pathetic of the dad and mum that they can't even be in the same room together for an hour or so in the best interests of their child. If every parent demanded that the school would have to hold multiple parents' evenings per year group, none of which the teachers are paid for!

Show quote history

It doesn't sound like the dad has the issues. OP keep saying the mother is a nightmare.

awfulapril · 24/04/2026 16:43

Oh, it's quite regular that parents are utter twats

why cant they " get on "for five minutes even when they don't have to talk to each other. If there's been domestic abuse or whatever I get it but literally sit there talk about Jimmy and go home.

Stuckinteeth · 24/04/2026 18:04

Main character syndrome.

No 13 year old boy is his step mum’s shadow

springtome · 24/04/2026 19:26

I think if mum and dad went to same appointment then you shouldn’t go but the fact they go separately then it’s fine for you to go and probably really beneficial for DSS education.

tessiegirl · 24/04/2026 19:27

No, you shouldn’t go. The parents should have one appointment. Some things you need to take a back seat for.

User7435977 · 24/04/2026 19:29

blackpooolrock · 24/04/2026 11:00

It doesn't sound like the dad has the issues. OP keep saying the mother is a nightmare.

Show quote history

Oh well, that’s bound to be true then.

I am sure that no man has ever said that his ex is a lunatic and a bad parent.

Tuesdayschild50 · 24/04/2026 19:36

I think this is lovely that he wants you to go with his dad this is for him so go.
His mum needs to get over herself one day he might tell her how uncomfortable she made him feel .. that will serve her right.
Hats off to you for being a great role model to him xx

Cheesipuff · 24/04/2026 19:41

Go but how does the DM know if you go? Who is telling her.

Dontcallmescarface · 24/04/2026 20:42

tessiegirl · 24/04/2026 19:27

No, you shouldn’t go. The parents should have one appointment. Some things you need to take a back seat for.

The SS wants the OP to go but that's okay who cares about making him feel like he's listened to right? Like I said the mother needs to grow up and accept that the OP is an important part of her SS's life. FWIW I had no problem with DD's SM coming to parents evening, but I'm an adult and know how to behave like one.

Pessismistic · 24/04/2026 21:28

Op go you might not be his biological mother but your in his life and support him and love him so fuck his mum she needs to get over herself she should be grateful you care so much for him. You could have been a horrible stepmother but your not both him and dad want you there so you go mum can sulk but you are there for him so be involved with school stuff.

Mcoco · 24/04/2026 22:38

You should definitely go because your step son has asked you to. You sound very academic too if you are still helping him with homework. He obviously appreciates your help and wants you to hear what his teachers have to say.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 24/04/2026 22:45

His mum and dad should go. Dad can take notes to feed back to you. In fact, dad should not abdicate his role to you, and should engage more actively, though I appreciate you support his homework and studies, which is great. You, dad, and SS can sit down together afterwards to chat through the teacher feedback.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 24/04/2026 22:57

awfulapril · 24/04/2026 06:23

If you've got different appointments, why would she know.

As a teacher I find this an utter bloody waste of time that two adults are wasting 2 slots about the same child.

Well, I suppose it could be argued that one of the two slots is "a waste of time" because the student would have always had one slot.

However, if the relationship between the student's parents is so toxic that they can't be around each other, then I think giving them two slots is needed to safeguard the student's MH.

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