Would you include a 19-year-old in a planned family holiday?

[TeenLifeMum]

This year we’re not having a family holiday. 14yo twins have been skiing with school, dd1 is 18 and finishing alevels so going away with her friends to Tenerife then camping in Devon. We need a new bathroom so will be forgoing a summer holiday to get the bathroom we want. So we have 2 plans and wondered how others would feel as we are learning to navigate parenting this stage.

1. We would like a winter city break/long weekend away in January. My dm has offered to stay at ours while we go away.
2. we want to have a lovely family holiday in the summer 2027, potentially visiting family in USA (although slightly concerned about safety due to our jobs) or a holiday in Greece is my alternative - we love snorkelling, architecture, sunshine (welcome ideas… teens are great on holiday and up for exploring and being a family).

Now for the question
would you plan on taking dd1 on the summer vacation in 2027? She’ll be 19. A holiday for a family of 4 is significantly cheaper but would most 19yos still be going away with family?

we might need to play it by ear. If she’s still in a relationship she will likely want to be with her girlfriend, but if single that might be a different story. Budgeting wise, I think I’ll plan for 5 of us but we won’t need to book until next year. Just wondering what others do when dc become young adults. (We’ll be financing her through uni if that makes any difference).

My DD and DS are going away with us and they are late 20's. Theg go away with their partners as well, I look forward to our family holiday all year,

I would still offer. I wouldn't take girlfriends or boyfriends though. Dd is 20. I always give him the option to join us. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. He lives at home so it would be weird to go away without considering him at all. Imagine us talking about it round the dinner table and he's not been invites.

Yes. Our 21 and 19 year olds are coming on our family holiday.

I can’t imagine not wanting my children to come on holiday with me. I’d always extend the invite, it’s up to her if she accepts.

Talk to her see how she feels about it. She may jump at it or she may politely decline.

My 3 DC all came away with is until they were independent . We still have some breaks away but not necessarily with all the family together.

Yes, we would. Especially if it’s a ‘good’ holiday like going to the USA would be.

Our kids are early and mid 20s and they still love going away with us. We do a few breaks without them, but the main summer holiday, they’re always included. This year we’re taking both of their partners too. The flights alone are costing us thousands, but it’s worth it.

Mine would have been mightily offended not to be included.

I stopped holidaying with my parents when I was 17. Did later go on a wider family holiday with boyfriends coming along.
My DDs are 22 and 25. Last family holiday was when they were 18 and 22. Youngest has been away with is two a couple of times as she still lives at home but DD1 lives with friends in London and holidays with them amd her bf. I k ow a lot of people who still holiday with their kids but it’s usually because mum and dad are paying.

Definitely plan to include her x

Depends on the child surely. We can’t know.

I wouldn’t even consider not taking them. If you feel your 19yo might be indifferent then by all means give her the option but yes, family holidays are family holidays.

Also on the family dynamic. Our two don’t always see eye to eye so that affects choices. They tend to revert to teenagers at Christmas!

Mine haven’t been with us since 18, we do mini breaks occasionally they pay their own way. I was somewhat fortunate (odd thing to say) that Covid meant nobody went away, it means no president was set at 19 or 20 and they haven’t asked

Depends on your budget, views on paying for adult DCs’ holidays and how pissed off you’d be if DD1 accepted the offer of a costly holiday but later pulled out, for example for a paid work opportunity or alternative holiday, and didn’t want to reimburse your costs.

Struggling to see how you can plan a lovely family holiday to US to visit family and leave some of your family behind? Your US family would think it weird not to meet your oldest at such a milestone, once in a lifetime trip. You could nudge her out of the Greek holiday but that would be sad for her siblings and her. If it’s cost ask her to contribute and/or restructure the holiday to include her.

IME most young adults continue to go on holidays with parents - not all - and I think your child free winter city break is fine - but she is still young. Draw the line at accommodating partners. She also might only be able to come for a week if she has limited annual leave and/or other holiday plans.

It becomes very expensive to pay for adults, very different than family holidays and child prices. Would they want to come away with you if they had to pay their own way or would they rather spend that money on a holiday with friends/ partners?

I would but not take the partner. If partner was coming they would have to pay their own share which might make your holiday cheaper as DD19’s room bill would be split too.

We’ve been 3 times in her lifetime already. She’s been to 11 states in America - it’s not a once in a lifetime holiday… but I do think she’d want to come to us with US with us. Europe less so as she’ll likely go there with her girlfriend. I’m not paying for a partner because paying for 3 extra people when twins have boyfriends won’t be affordable.

With the slightly bigger age gap, she’s pretty independent so many “family” activities take place minus dd1 as she has other priorities.

is she part of your family? If so, yes.

Yes, I would assume she’d still want to come on a family holiday.

I wonder about this - my dd is 18 and on gap year. She is still on family holiday which is only 4 nights. But thinking ahead she’s starting uni, will have trips with gf / friends. She will also need to work in the summer maybe internships / placements after y1. I am
jot sure there is a lot of time to fit in family holidays:….

Ours always want to come if it’s a long haul or more exciting trip - if it’s some where that doesn’t excite them then maybe not - but we always offer and want them to come but understand if they opt out

If she wants to come yes of course.
I’d be saying no girlfriends/boyfriends at this age though

Yes I would defintely include her but I certainly wouldn’t be paying for partners at any point