Would you include a 19-year-old in a planned family holiday?

[TeenLifeMum]

This year we’re not having a family holiday. 14yo twins have been skiing with school, dd1 is 18 and finishing alevels so going away with her friends to Tenerife then camping in Devon. We need a new bathroom so will be forgoing a summer holiday to get the bathroom we want. So we have 2 plans and wondered how others would feel as we are learning to navigate parenting this stage.

1. We would like a winter city break/long weekend away in January. My dm has offered to stay at ours while we go away.
2. we want to have a lovely family holiday in the summer 2027, potentially visiting family in USA (although slightly concerned about safety due to our jobs) or a holiday in Greece is my alternative - we love snorkelling, architecture, sunshine (welcome ideas… teens are great on holiday and up for exploring and being a family).

Now for the question
would you plan on taking dd1 on the summer vacation in 2027? She’ll be 19. A holiday for a family of 4 is significantly cheaper but would most 19yos still be going away with family?

we might need to play it by ear. If she’s still in a relationship she will likely want to be with her girlfriend, but if single that might be a different story. Budgeting wise, I think I’ll plan for 5 of us but we won’t need to book until next year. Just wondering what others do when dc become young adults. (We’ll be financing her through uni if that makes any difference).

I agree

There's a similar age gap between our two but the holidays we go on don't often involve flights and are self-catering. As a result, since DC1 finished school we've made sure there's space in the accommodation for them to come but also that there won't be financial penalties if things change and they pull out.

This summer, DC1 will be working for most of August and it's looking as though it won't be possible for them to come away with us at all. We knew it was going to happen at some point; DH and I are both teachers, DC1 is working for an organisation that amongst other things, runs summer schools.

In your situation, I think I'd talk to DD1 about whether or not she wanted to commit to a family holiday in the August after she's finished her first year at uni. Make sure she understands that if she needs to do re-sits, internship or other essential thing for her course that clashes, you will understand but the rest of you will still go.

My DD at 19/20 we booked accommodation that would accommodate her but didn’t book her travel. That way she could join us on her own terms and doesn’t have to do the whole time we are away. Her younger sister wants her to come but she has a mix of sports & work commitments. I like to book ahead to get good prices but she’s not sure of her plans, this way she can book a last minute flight to the same place if she is free to come. I love holidays with her though as she’s lovely to be around.

My DC are 20 and 22 and are coming away with us this year. Dd is second year at uni, and not earning. DS has a FT job and earns well, he is paying for his flights, we've paid for accommodation. If still studying we will pay until they graduate. We also have holidays without our DC and last year, DS decided to come with us and paid for himself entirely. I wasn't sure they would want to still come with us, but apparently they do!

Absolutely yes. I also plan time away with my older teens one-on-one.

I figure they have a whole other part of their life holidaying without us to come. I want to include them as long as possible, providing they want to come.

I'm just bac from our family holiday and my 21 and 25yo came with me.

Depends how much you like your 19 year old

I guess all families are different
I absolutely didn’t want to holiday with my parents at that age! I wanted to be with boyfriends/ friends/ my sister.
But I guess now young people live at home longer aswell so they’re with parents more and for longer - Maybe that factors too.

Potentially bad news for my bank balance if my 3 still want to holiday with us in their 20’s 😱

Yes, I'd include her in the planning. She may decide that she wants to do something else anyway.

Personally, I wouldn't pay for partners to come along. If we were hiring a villa and had the space, they could come as long as they paid their airfares.

DD and DS are in their mid 20s and we always ask them to join us on a family holiday along with their long term partners. They are always keen to come. Now they are older and in regular jobs they pay their own airfares but we pay for the accommodation for everyone. We all have lovely times together and would hate to miss it.

OP, you should at least offer, and include her GF in that though would expect the GF to pay her own airfare. If you don’t you may be surprised at how hurt your DD will be. She is still young and part of your family.

I’m currently on holiday with my 21, 19 and 14 yo dc. There was absolutely no question that the 19 would come along (21 a different situation, as severely disabled). 19 yo included from the beginning of planning, and would have been very sad to have missed time with her family, especially because she is away at university, and misses us (and us her). My 19 and 14 yo are very close, and so this has been a lovely catch up time for them.

She will be included in the family holidays as long as she wants to come along - we’re already planning the next big trip for 2027/2028 and she wants to come. Obviously that may change by the time we come to booking, but she is currently very keen.

When I was 19 I was independent and would never expect my parents to include me in their holiday arrangements. Saying that our daughter wanted to come with us to the Caribbean at this age 🤣

I’m 59 and what’s expected has changed so much. We have friends whose 4 sons, who are all in relationships with children go on holiday with them.

I’d simply ask your daughter, explain that you can only afford to pay for her and no partners, helping her through Uni is a massive expense and she’s fortunate that you are able to do this.

Surely you offer and let her decide? I wouldn’t pay for her partner though.

Mine are 28 and 25 and I still go on holiday with them!

No way would I fail to invite the eldest.

The issue seems to be the cost, so discuss it with her

I’m sad reading this thread. My daughter is 18, 19 in September. We asked her on 2 family holidays this year and she declined. I don’t know what that says about my relationship with her. 😭

It's up to you if you can afford it and also she wants to go? Just ask her.

Tell her if there's a shred of a chance she might not be able to then you'd rather not book her. Tell her if she does agree then pull out too late she'll owe you the lost ticket money.

@Tiredbean She just wants to do her own things right now; it doesn't mean that you don't have a good/close relationship.

I took my last holiday with my parents at 19 and it was only because they were going somewhere that I wanted to visit! I hadn't been away with them for a couple of years prior to that as I was holidaying with my friends instead.

She may want to holiday again with you when she's older and/or want to do some mini-breaks. My DD (20) enjoys a mini-break with her Mum, perhaps suggest that sometime.

Yes. I’d ask her if she was interested for sure. I’ve just been on holiday to the US with my 20 year old and 22 year old.

Plan to include her and ask her.

I would NOT include boyfriends/girlfriends. It changes the dynamic entirely, you can't relax on your own holiday and there likelihood of this relationship lasting past the age of 25 is zero.

I would ask her if she wants to come (and let her be involved in planning if she does).
The biggest difficulty is likely to be how far in advance she wants to commit and you may have to enforce a deadline for deciding.

(For what it's worth DD came away with us at 19, but DS didn't, although he did come away with us a couple of years later when he was 21, so no hard and fast rule).

This year we have 2 UK family breaks. We only have one DS. He's first year uni and has been on our Easter hols break to Lake District. Revising and working, joining us hiking some days.

In Summer, he has a European trip planned based on his hobby and with friends. Later is the summer we have UK surfing and coastal path etc. fortnight and he will be there for part of it.

Our two (21 and 24) always want to come on holiday with us. They do smaller trips with friends also and we also short breaks without them. If you are going somewhere interesting, they will always want to come. What's more as they become more independent, you see less of them, so a family holiday is a great way to reconnect and spend quality time together.

Is she going to be between first and second years at uni? or before first year? Will she live at home while at uni or away?
I lived away and always had summer jobs at home as it's a city with a lot of summer tourism and jobs available - however, there's no way I could take two weeks off in a job that was only ten weeks or so anyway...
I guess it's different if they work the same job all year round but for me summer at that age was about earning money, then a summer away doing the work/travel thing, then a summer doing a future career-related summer job.

I'm actually surprised at all the replies saying that their young adults have always come on summer family holidays.

I think it depends on the job. DD has had summer jobs that were zero hours contracts; jobs where she was able to swap shifts with others when she was away (and repaid the favour); and jobs that were school holidays only. In none of these cases was it an issue that she'd taken a week or 2 off.