Would you include a 19-year-old in a planned family holiday?

[TeenLifeMum]

This year we’re not having a family holiday. 14yo twins have been skiing with school, dd1 is 18 and finishing alevels so going away with her friends to Tenerife then camping in Devon. We need a new bathroom so will be forgoing a summer holiday to get the bathroom we want. So we have 2 plans and wondered how others would feel as we are learning to navigate parenting this stage.

1. We would like a winter city break/long weekend away in January. My dm has offered to stay at ours while we go away.
2. we want to have a lovely family holiday in the summer 2027, potentially visiting family in USA (although slightly concerned about safety due to our jobs) or a holiday in Greece is my alternative - we love snorkelling, architecture, sunshine (welcome ideas… teens are great on holiday and up for exploring and being a family).

Now for the question
would you plan on taking dd1 on the summer vacation in 2027? She’ll be 19. A holiday for a family of 4 is significantly cheaper but would most 19yos still be going away with family?

we might need to play it by ear. If she’s still in a relationship she will likely want to be with her girlfriend, but if single that might be a different story. Budgeting wise, I think I’ll plan for 5 of us but we won’t need to book until next year. Just wondering what others do when dc become young adults. (We’ll be financing her through uni if that makes any difference).

I'd take them if they wanted to come.

At 19 I would invite them 100%. She's still so young! Obviously if she doesn't want to come that's different, but not inviting her feels mean.

Of course, OP! You need to invite her and her partner and pay for them both. If you can’t afford to do that then don’t go @TeenLifeMum

Yes absolutely invite & pay.

your kids are getting older. There won’t be that many opportunities to spend extended time together as times go on. If you keep the ritual of the family holiday going as long as you can it will strengthen your bond into adulthood.

Totally depends on your teen- on mn people assume age 11 they’ll stop giving a toss about anything family oriented, in real life I’ve an 18 and 16 yo who have told us to give a lot of heads up ahead of any holidays so they can try to come over for at least a few days and I’ve a lot of friends in the same position. I think include but check so you don’t lose out

I stopped going with my parents at 18.
Although if it was a holiday to see family in another country I would want to at least be asked.

I’d include her but wouldn’t invite partners

Mine are 21 and 19 and would most certainly want to come. They have said they will basically be coming for as long as we are paying.

I can’t fit 6 people and luggage in the car so if she wants to go with her partner she can go on holiday with them and not with us 🤷🏻‍♀️

You absolutely do not need to invite her partner. If nothing else, they are 18. Her partner may well not be her partner by the time of the holiday.

I’d ask. My 21 year old had to have her arm twisted to come to Florida last Christmas.
They all flew in and out at different times/dates though.

At 19 we still asked.
Ds1 had left home at 17 but still came occasional holidays with us. Actually he still does depending on what we are doing and he is 30. Ds2 is also asked. Like ds1, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. He has his own place and is 26.
At 19 we didn't ask them on every holiday that year, just ones we thought they may like.

If other children are going yes include her.
i don’t holiday with mine anymore and they are 22 and 20 and haven’t done for just over two years. They go away with friends and boyfriends but if I was too do with one I’d invite the other

They have to grow up and adult some time. As someone upthread said, it’s very expensive when it’s adult fares/ meals/ drinks and not chn. I would hate to think my DC are coming along because I’m paying. I would want them to come even if they are paying as that would mean that they want to spend time with us. Ours are 25 and 22 and we went away betwixmas to an UK air bnb for a couple of nights. That was nice and they bought meals and drinks as we paid for accommodation. They both earn well. But their main hols are with friends or partners.

@Cherrytree86 Why should they pay for her partner? If they're renting a villa/Airbnb and there's enough room in it for her partner, fair enough, but I'd expect the partner to pay their own travel expenses - although in this instance, they can't fit another person in the car so it's a moot point anyway.

If DD (20) and her bf came on holiday with us, I wouldn't pay his airfare, for example and I wouldn't expect his family to cover all her expenses if she went away with them.