Doing a wee in garden on playdate - ok or odd?

[PurplePetalPip]

DS4 was invited to a friend’s house for a couple of hours. Have spoken with the mum a few times but not friends or anything. First time leaving him at a friend’s house and I was very anxious leading up to it and during it but he was keen to go.

He said he had a brilliant time and all seemed fine. A little while later he said he’d done a wee in the garden. He knows we don’t do this at home so told me he had said he needed the loo, but his friend’s dad had said it’s ok to wee in the garden.

Im not sure if it’s because I’m anxious about play dates generally but i just need reassurance this is ok. Wouldn’t you tell a house guest where the toilet is?!

I’m not sure of it is relevant but they are Polish - a cultural thing? I want to think of it as completely normal but there’s just that tiny doubt about what if it isn’t - and isn’t it better to be overly cautious?

I am just navigating this new era where he is old enough to want to have play dates so any advice on this welcome also!

I’m surprised by how many people think this is about the alfresco wee rather than about the fact a male stranger encouraged a small child not related to him to pee outside. It’s a safeguarding issue not an environmental / moral one.

He’s the parent of a child the OP’s child is friends with acting in a way many men would.

I bet this thread would be very different on Dadsnet. With men who are normal, safe, loving Dads.

My DC’s Dad was a 50% hands on parent so hosted loads of play dates in my absence. Although thoroughly civilised to the naked eye he would have said ‘wee in the bushes’ without a second thought , or being a safeguarding threat.

i live on a farm, it’s not unusual for the boys at least. I can’t imagine just having a wee in a regular back garden though. Plus guests are shown the where the bathroom is 😂

Good God how do you survive in the world if you think like this? Do you really believe using the toilet inside will really protect a child if an adult means them harm?

It’s their circus, their monkeys.

I think it’s ok if the children are younger than 5-6.

Lord Mandelson is facing the same issue. Don't worry.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czd7gd5m024o.

My sons dad would encourage that he loved doing it yuck

She’s asking if it’s a cultural thing ffs that’s not racist. My Nigerian friend was fine with her dd weeing in the garden when she was 2 and said it was normal in her culture as a stage of potty training. I’m not convinced that’s true for various reasons but she stopped letting her after her dd did a wild wee at a national trust property between the picnic blankets. The horrified families’ faces were a picture 😂

Yes, in central Europe majority would see it as a normal thing for a small child.

As for the "safeguarding" - the word is so overused. Yes, it is a serious topic, yes it is crucial for institutional interactions. But this is a play date at a garden. What choices the main parent on the spot has? To leave other children outside and accompany unrelated child inside the house to use a loo. Or to keep everyone outside and let the child have a quick wee behind a tree.

I find it amazing that you let a 4 year old go for a play date without you at parents you don’t know overly well. At that age I’d be doing play dates where I don’t leave unless I knew the parents well.

It is strange but then I would find it strange anyway bearing in mind if my child needed help on the loo there would be people I hardly knew helping him?!

How is that safeguarding? I said I wouldn’t have left DC on such a play date, but that’s a bit of a leap.

It's absolutely true - toilet training starts much earlier in Nigeria, certainly before the age of 2. The idea of leaving children happily sitting in their own mess til the age of 3 or 4 is a totally alien concept there (and across most of the world tbh)