Anxiety about hosting my seven-year-old son's playdates at home

[TheBrightBear]

I have 2 girls and a boy. My son is 7. I have massive anxiety around having boys over for playdates. I'm afraid of them hurting themselves, rough play, I don't like all the noise, toilet/bum talk, wrestling, how they talk about not liking girls etc. I don't like how my son changes his behaviour when other boys are here. He has been asked to a lot of playdates at this stage and so I owe a lot of mums but I keep procrastinating. A boy did twist his ankle at our house once but it's not the only source of my anxiety. I also put off having playdates for my girls especially if the friends are only children or don't have brothers because I am afraid of how they will react to my son. I know it's a bit of a psychological issue that I have but I don't know how to overcome it.

Honestly this reads like you just don’t like boys very much. Yes they are probably more boisterous and might sometimes hurt themselves. I think you just had to roll with it.

If you're not comfortable with hosting play dates at home don't do it. I don't. It's fine. Sometimes I'll take friends out to a park or soft play. But there's no obligation.

Agree with the above poster. I have two boys and sometimes playdates are a bit chaotic but generally a lot of fun is had, and at least there are rarely if ever any arguments, which I hear from friends with girls are quite common.

Honestly, you're going to have to get over your distaste for boys, otherwise when your son is older you'll find he does all his socialising away from you. I want my boys to know their home is somewhere they can always feel comfortable and where their friends are always welcome.

i find your thoughts around children and their sex quite stereotyping, like boys are going to hurt your daughters. If you don’t want to host, fine; but you owe the other parents to take their kid to the playground or something, if that’s easier than being home.

Do you know any of the boys he wants for a play date well? I find boys I know easier as I know they’ll listen to me. Do you have a decent garden? Now the weather’s improving it is easier as they can just play football or go on the trampoline if you have one. Kids get hurt, I wouldn’t think twice if a child twisted their ankle at a friends house, they could (and do) do it anywhere.

The thing is, it may be fine now but as they get older they will become aware that their friends aren't welcome at their house, and that will inform how and where they spend their time when they're old enough to make their own choices.

I also put off having playdates for my girls especially if the friends are only children or don't have brothers because I am afraid of how they will react to my son.

This is utterly bizarre. Why would you not want to host only children? I think you're correct that it's a psychological problem and it will have a negative impact on your children's social life and self esteem if you don't get it sorted out.

2 ds here and can honestly say never had unruly play dates and we had lots including sleep overs! They played outside, played board games, played computer games, watched a film, built lego and ate lots! It is ok not to want to do them but you can have control and there is no need for poor behaviour from your ds or his friends.

It's their friends. The ones who don't have brothers or are only children

It's happened though! Like an only child girl coming in and immediately covering her ears saying my son is too loud, telling him to go away....another girl again an only shouting at him to go away not allowed play etc

Lucky you. I don't allow screens on playdates

The usual snarky mumsnet type response

Maybe I'm just unlucky but the boys in that class are extremely boisterous and yes they do hurt each other and girls too

No its a new school....we moved house last year. I am getting to know them. Another mum told me they are known to be a particularly boisterous class

I haven't had arguments from girls on playdates and I've had a lot of girls over the years. My daughters are easy going though

I definitely don't like wrestling, choke hold type attempts, very hard thumping. Etc. this all happened at one playground meetup recently. So many of the boys ended up crying. I get very anxious watching it.

But then you are responsible for the other kids behaviour in public! That seems even worse that having them in the house

A) why post on Mumsnet if you don’t want a usual Mumsnet reply

B) there’s nothing snarky about this reply, it is bizarre and it is a psychological problem that will impact your children (and your relationship with them)

Thanks for all the supportive helpful tips and advice.

This whole thread is so sad.

In your OP, you criticise the boys for saying they don't like girls but when a girl says she doesn't like boys, that's also the boy's fault

You need to get some proper therapy to unpack all of the negativity you have about boys before you mess up both of your kids attitudes

Your daughters are almost certainly easier because they are confident in your affection. Your son - correctly - realises that you don't like him as much because of his sex and what a surprise that he behaves worse

Do you talk to your son about what is ok/not ok to do whilst playing with friends.

Do you correct him when you hear him talking about not liking girls etc?

You can’t shield your son from the world but you can teach him about what’s right and wrong and help shape him into a well rounded individual.

I don't not like them but I am scared of their behaviour. They are all getting bigger now. They tend not to listen to me and I don't know what to do when they talk back or are cheeky. There are a couple of neurodiverse kids in the class who are quite aggressive and it seems to have created a dynamic of rough play. We moved house last year and his old class seemed much less boisterous, I was still nervous having them over though but the playdates were less overwhelming .

It will be really hard for your son if you don't sort this out - soon enough he'll be old enough to start noticing that he is being treated differently to his sisters (if he hasn't already). Kids really mind about stuff like fairness and being treated the same as siblings.

You seem unhappy with the responses you're getting but to be honest, you're the adult in this situation, and your behaviour is affecting your son, who is a child and has no say over this. Please have a serious think about the replies you're getting in this thread, even if they are not what you want to hear.

You’re scared of the behaviour of 7 year old boys? What on earth am I reading?