Anyone else finding the teenage years harder than the little ones?

[RainyRainyRain]

I am sick of people telling me how easy life is now I have teens and how im “out of the trenches” am I the only one who finds teens really hard work?! At least when they were little they were cute and sweet but not now.

My teens constantly wind up my autistic child to the point they are screaming the house down every day, I have repeatedly told them not to, taken their devices, nothing changes they do it every day as they find it funny, neighbours have reported me over the noise but yet it still doesn’t stop, they find it funny. I send them up to their rooms and they stamp on the ceiling or throw things around.

They never leave the house, unless for school, have friends at school but never ever see them outside of school and never go out so they are here 24/7 can’t leave them alone otherwise they’d just wind up my autistic child. They still require so much help with everything (yes they are both autistic too but much more higher functioning) I’m just at the end of my tether, at least when they were young it was more enjoyable, they would go to clubs and give me a break occasionally but now they wouldn’t be seen dead at a club. They scream and shout all the time, took them out yesterday and they were just awful. am I the only one who doesn’t find teens “so much easier?”

God that sounds hard. Yes I found then teen years hard but I had a hard line about moving out at 18 and they all did. The eldest comes home for uni holidays. The 2nd 2 moved away to study and have partners that work. The youngest is moving out in September. Nice kids but not nice to each other particularly.

I found the teen years much harder with my first, nightmare times and she was out and about

i I guess if they are home a lot you know where they are and what they are doing

Yes, me. I have found the teen years stressful and largely miserable. Relentless school stress and arguments about absolutely everything, technology particularly. My two also argue with each other all the time and have little in common making family activities almost impossible. My youngest teen also has an eating disorder which has helped to destroy my marriage and our family.
It doesn’t help that these years often coincide with perimenopause and caring for elderly parents. My eldest teen said yesterday that we haven’t been ‘a normal family’ for years and that my dislike of playing boardgames was partly why my husband left. Despite everything I have done to keep them all going. It has taken everything I have.
I cried for hours and haven’t been able to sleep. My marriage fell apart partly due to me caring for my mother for 5 years and then us losing all the parents in a short space and of time.
I have exhausted myself in every way possible to give them everything and keep it all going. For what?
People who hate each other and me.
If i could leave, I would.

Absolutely, a billion times harder.

Yes I found the teen years the hardest stage of all! It’s different stresses but more challenging to navigate.thankfully they get to around 18 and are relatively normal again. I have a theory it’s to help you to prepare for them to fly the nest, you reach the point of feeling ready to push them off and see if they fly 🤣. Unfortunately most don’t move out at 18 so you get them back to being great and then they leave

Mine are tween age, and I’m definitely finding it harder in some ways. They’re both great kids, but one has ADHD and the other AuDHD, and neither will self regulate screen time, so I feel like my life revolves around policing that and finding ways to constantly entertain as an alternative. They are awake for so many hours (DS is a really early riser), and go to bed much later, so I feel I get no alone time. I feel guilty if I workout and they’re just inside on devices. It feels quite relentless.

Yes for different reasons so not espcecially helpful to you. Dd was a hellraiser from 14-16 (boys, booze, late nights etc) and DS had quite pronounced body dysmorphia in sixth form ( obsessively weighing both food and himself) this was all happening over COVID so work was incredibly stressfull too and DH's bussiness was in trouble. Some people look back on lock down fondly the thought of 2020-2022 makes me shudder.

In contrast I had littlies in Blairs Britian with a buyont economy, sure start and babies who hit all their milestones with ease and slept through before 4 months. It was a doodle.

Thank you, I’m glad it’s not just me. People say how much freedom I must have now but I don’t have any, they can’t be left alone as they fight too much so wouldn’t trust them. We went out the other day and they were winding each other up and when we got home it descended into a physical fight.

Teens years are really hard although I get more sleep which is a positive.

It is relentless especially when you add ND into the mix.

Do you have any support?

Yes, me. Both my teen DC have autism and quite debilitating mental health conditions. The time and effort spent trying to get support for healthcare and education is exhausting. It's so hard when your DC are finding life difficult. At least when they were little they were happy. They have lots of trouble sleeping and often still want me around at night so not even that benefit!

Same here, mine don’t sleep, waiting for melatonin but that’s a 6 month wait and not guaranteed (told we need to do a sleep diary and they will decide) and even then my teens said they won’t be taking it so that will be another battle. No support it’s just me and them.

A MILLION times worse, like a MILLION. I used to think I was in the trenches when they were small, how wrong I was...😂

I totally get this, every word...

Teen years are definately harder than toddler years. That's without any Autism or other needs. I would turn back time if I could.

It is so much harder emotionally. I am burnt out and have aged about 20 years.

Any time i mention my kids ages on here i get “well you’re out of the trenches now” “what is it you are finding so hard” “their teens now, whats the problem?” Erm it’s a million times harder! At least they were cute and innocent when they were little!

They also never want to go anywhere anymore, at least when they were little they actually wanted to do fun stuff, now could offer them a fun day out even offered trampoline park today then McDonald’s but they don’t want to go! So I spend my days trapped in the house because I can’t leave them alone because they don’t get on

I think it depends on the child OP. Some teens are fine whereas some, like our youngest, make you feel like walking out and never coming back.

I must be one of the few parents around who feels a bit jealous when they hear about other peoples child going 'no contact'.

I don't wish her any harm and I want her to have a good life, its just that I want her to have it ideally far away from me.

I’m just marking my place and I’m afraid I haven’t rtft yet but just wanted to say …

YES!! I hear you. Am also totally fed up of people saying it gets easier. It doesn’t.

This is my area of practice, I would urge you to try to get some melatonin either OTC from USA or Spain or via your GP ( it is indicated for sleep difficulties in Autism). It does work for everyone but for some families it is life changing and is very, very safe.

GP won’t prescribe we have to see a paediatrician

You can buy melatonin from eurohealth in the UK.

Yep big kids big problems.

Yes! I loved having small children, but if I'd known what the reality of the teen years would be like I'd have chosen more reliable contraception. And from what they've all said subsequently, I didn't know half of the abuse they dealt out to one another when they weren't under our noses.

Having said that, though, they all came through it and are decent adults.