Anyone else finding the teenage years harder than the little ones?

[RainyRainyRain]

I am sick of people telling me how easy life is now I have teens and how im “out of the trenches” am I the only one who finds teens really hard work?! At least when they were little they were cute and sweet but not now.

My teens constantly wind up my autistic child to the point they are screaming the house down every day, I have repeatedly told them not to, taken their devices, nothing changes they do it every day as they find it funny, neighbours have reported me over the noise but yet it still doesn’t stop, they find it funny. I send them up to their rooms and they stamp on the ceiling or throw things around.

They never leave the house, unless for school, have friends at school but never ever see them outside of school and never go out so they are here 24/7 can’t leave them alone otherwise they’d just wind up my autistic child. They still require so much help with everything (yes they are both autistic too but much more higher functioning) I’m just at the end of my tether, at least when they were young it was more enjoyable, they would go to clubs and give me a break occasionally but now they wouldn’t be seen dead at a club. They scream and shout all the time, took them out yesterday and they were just awful. am I the only one who doesn’t find teens “so much easier?”

She has a job, but in this economic climate she can’t afford to move out, and I’m not prepared to see her be homeless, however much of a dick she is being.

Ahh well @piscofrisco, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got!

She could be with you for years on that basis - are you prepared to tolerate her behaviour indefinitely?
She could flat-share, rent a room in someone else's house? Not necessarily forever, but long enough to show her how good she had life at home and to teach her some appreciation of all you do. Sometimes adult dc remain in 'kid mode' until they are forced to grow up a bit and accept consequences. It would give you an opportunity to reset house rules and enjoy your own life.

I have found my people! Currently in hell with my 14 year old daughter, and she is by no means the 'worst' teenager. It's awful and I am at breaking point wit my own mental health most days. Hardest stage yet in so many ways but I take slight comfort from those saying it gets better... though I don't think I can take even a few more years of this!

The teen years were hard for me, not because DD was horrible but because she had a rough time at school. Bullying was the issue and it escalated into self harm, depression and bordeline anorexia.

Luckily we had a supportive GP, and DD is out the other side now, but I still resent the school for not doing more to prevent the bullying.

Whats the worst bit? @Ohgoonthenanotheronefortheroad Mine are just moody and moan if asked to lift a finger or go somewhere or do anything.

Thanks all, still reading, and sympathising with anyone in the same situation, I honestly miss when they were little so much. It was a much happier time.

I find it boring as fuck. They’re here but mostly in their own rooms, so I am here just…existing as the present adult. They engage here and there but it’s mostly sitting in the living room watching the clock til bedtime.

Why wouldn’t you just go out?

Sometimes I do. But they’re 13 and 15 and I feel I’m only just getting to that stage now. Plus, I like them! I want to be around for them and hang out as and when they drop in and out. Otherwise what relationship do we have 🤷‍♀️

But I’m starting to feel like the loser friend who wants to hang out and you secretly think she’s a drag 🤣

My kids never want to go anywhere, wish they did. Could offer cinema, trampoline park, food they don’t want to know. I know thats normal at a certain age but I miss them wanting to spend time with me

I found the teen years a nightmare and I have a 15 month age gap between DC so that should theoretically have been worse!

DD1 was constantly rude and moody for about 4 years between 13-17 but became lovely just in time to move out! It was exhausting to live with, but she’s come out the other side now thank goodness.

DD2 has severe mental health issues and it’s heartbreaking. She isn’t ever rude or anything but so unhappy, I’d swap her situation for a few years of teenage grunting and sulking in a heartbeat.

Teens just can’t understand can they?

We are recently divorced and my daughter is angry. I can never tell her about the years of financial abuse, my ex’s rank dislike of me, sneering at me, going years without any physical affection whatsoever, resenting any good thing that happened to me.

She can also never know that what really blew everything up was her breakdown, suicde attempts, and subsequent autism diagnosis, followed by 2 years of no school.

She doesn’t know these things, and she shouldn’t, so I suck it up. He is a decent dad and I don’t want her to think anything else than that. But it’s very tough to swallow. I understand completely.

Crikey, this hit home hard. You're not alone.

People say how much freedom I must have now but I don’t have any, they can’t be left alone as they fight too much so wouldn’t trust them. We went out the other day and they were winding each other up and when we got home it descended into a physical fight.

That's going to be hard.

Worst time for me was what I've seen descibed on here as the golden years of childhood - 6-10 especially with eldest two.

In my case DH was away all working week - money was extremely tight - kids were aware they were struggling at school and needed a lot of home support but were also frustrated about doing it - couldn't get them in groups/activities in area we were in very clique place - and they still had trantrums/meltdowns and everyone was judgemental as fuck unlike with younger kids.

It got better - move towards end of those years help - bigger house so more space away from each other - smaller classes and quieter primary schools - DH around much more and now house improved our financies - more accesible open space and activties could get them into - they stopped struggling at school the support work finally paying off - and they got into better peer groups - often foudn out like my DC they were ND later on in teen years.

So when things did get hard in teen years there felt like there was more space and support even when one of them had bad periods.

I’m sorry to see my post has resonated with quite a few people and thank-you for the solidarity.
i hope things improve for us all as our teenagers get older. Xx

Whoever ‘people’ are who have said those things to you seem rude and ignorant!

I find parenting neurotypical teens really hard at times and you have three neurodiverse DC.

Yes! I really miss the happier younger years. For me the girls were more troublesome aged about 14-16. For the boy was from 17 to about 20bloody3! There was a light at the end of the tunnel and they're now DS28 DD23 and DD18 and they all spend time together and even occasionally with me 🤣 and DH and they have all settled down. Hang in there!

I meant that things could be worse for us - she goes to school, sticks in and does well, had a good parents night, has hobbies etc etc. I feel like if we didn't have any of those positives things might feel a lot worse, and I'm sure there are people who are having to deal with all of this.

My daughter has had a couple of issues lately with so called friends which has left her feeling really vulnerable and sad which doesn't help matters and probably has something to do with the fact that she just seems to absolutely hate me at the moment!

They lash out when hurt at their most trusted adult. I always think it’s worth remembering that’s a back handed compliment

God yes. The early years were quite physically hard, but the mental strain of two ND teens was infinitely worse.