Anyone else finding the teenage years harder than the little ones?

[RainyRainyRain]

I am sick of people telling me how easy life is now I have teens and how im “out of the trenches” am I the only one who finds teens really hard work?! At least when they were little they were cute and sweet but not now.

My teens constantly wind up my autistic child to the point they are screaming the house down every day, I have repeatedly told them not to, taken their devices, nothing changes they do it every day as they find it funny, neighbours have reported me over the noise but yet it still doesn’t stop, they find it funny. I send them up to their rooms and they stamp on the ceiling or throw things around.

They never leave the house, unless for school, have friends at school but never ever see them outside of school and never go out so they are here 24/7 can’t leave them alone otherwise they’d just wind up my autistic child. They still require so much help with everything (yes they are both autistic too but much more higher functioning) I’m just at the end of my tether, at least when they were young it was more enjoyable, they would go to clubs and give me a break occasionally but now they wouldn’t be seen dead at a club. They scream and shout all the time, took them out yesterday and they were just awful. am I the only one who doesn’t find teens “so much easier?”

Sums it up! Teens, who know everything, are making decisions that could impact their lives forever.

I never ever worried about my toddlers getting attacked on a night out, crashing a car, getting pregnant, or fucking exams up. It may be physically less demanding but mentally it’s so much harder.

I am so sorry to read this.

My teen DD often says awful things when upset. I'm sure your DC was just lashing out with the board game comment.

I teach teenagers and sometimes when they are being really difficult I imagine them in twenty or thirty years...dealing with a teenager. Never fails to cheer me up slightly.

And to the OP - yes! I had to get an old photo album out yesterday to remind myself that my monstrous thirteen year old was once very cute, and I have had to make a collage of holiday photos as evidence that just occasionally on holiday everyone's smiling, because the shouting, crying and sulking are so much more memorable.

My teens nearly broke me, it was so hard! Add stepchildren to that too, one of who is absolutely awful, and it’s been a wild ride. 😂 Glad they’ve all mostly left home to be honest.

My mom used to say she was happiest when she could hold our hand, meaning when we were toddlers, and I did not used to understand, until I had kids. Honestly, I find every new phase harder than the last. Mine are adults and I am loosing my mind, every day.

My son doesnt like me going out without him, if I do go out anyway he stops talking to
me and is angry when I get in? Is this normal? Apparently im meant to have so much freedom now he is a teen? But he didn’t want to go but if I go out without him he is angry at me and gives me silent treatment

No, that is not at all normal.

I find having teens so much harder than when they were small. I find it stressful and exhausting because while making everyone's decisions was hard, making decisions while weighing up everyone's varied and co flirting needs, wants, preferences, opinions, schedules etc etc is even harder.

I know they no longer think I am great regardless, and I feel the pressure of their judgement. I find the high stakes all the time awful. And they are SO expensive.

I theoretically have it easy as they are good kids, go to school, work well, get on mostly, have friends and leave the house and use public transport etc. But I find it hard.

No that is emotional abuse.

He is manipulating you and trying to control you.

Is he anxious but can't articulate that?

Hes not anxious he just doesn’t want me to go out, I offered to take him out to the trampoline park (I was going to go shopping after for some bits) he just wanted me not to go

It’s not okay, my dd is autistic and I wouldn’t allow this sort of emotional manipulation. How would you feel if he treated a girlfriend like this?

100% sometimes its like living in a abusive relationship that you can not escape from.

Absolutely! I’ve always said it’s way harder. Of course there are exceptions but generally babies/toddlers need physical caring and love. It can be exhausting if course. Teens are much more complex in their needs and the psychological toil on the parent is immense. Mine are now 20 and 22 and it’s a lot better, but not quite out of it yet (might never be).

Mine are 18 and 21, with an exciting mix of cognitive and physical disability. I just live in a trench now.

Mine aren’t hell raisers and are quite good so I do enjoy not having to babysit them. But endless battles to do school work & revise and them actually leave the house is exhausting. Yr11 is hellish

I'd tell him massively off for this. Put your foot down.

Tell him it's hugely disrespectful and while you can't force him to not give you the silent treatment you will take his phone or remove some other privilege.

Do not be afraid of your own kid, this one needs boundaries.

Softly gently doesn't work with him. My dd was trying to give me the silent treatment / sulk for ages the other day because she couldn't get something I had promised. I have lots of alternatives and talked it through but she wouldn't stop. So I told her angrily this was unacceptable and I had enough. She snapped out of it.

One of my children has given me every single grey hair I have on my head between 13-16. (I would just say also that she’s turned in to the best 17 ye old ever)
the other has been an absolute dream.
The difference is autism.

I think you don’t hear too much about teeenagers because the chat is normally started by ‘my ds is 3 and an absolute nightmare, pPLEASE tell me it gets better’ and nobody dares say that 3 is nothing compared to 13!

I’m with you OP, it’s way worse for us. I had an angelic kid who was a dream child until she got her period age 9. It’s been hell since.

And we have no SEN or ND etc, she behaves at school and has friends, so in comparison don’t have it as tough as some.

But the house feels like a war zone, some days I dread coming home from work, dd barely speaks to me, actively avoids me, doesn’t spend time with me (I’ve tried everything), and delights in cutting remarks that hurt me.

And no, explaining to her how she makes me feel doesn’t change anything. Neither do ‘consequences’ (anyone who thinks taking away a phone for a few days fixes everything is deluded).

I find every excuse to get out of the house and because one of us has to be home when dd is (I can’t trust her home alone) and we have no GP help, dp and I barely get to spend time alone together.

I’m counting the days till she either leaves home or is old enough that I can ask her to move out if she can’t be civil and pull her weight. I’ve no intention of living with someone who behaves like this for longer than I have to.

Sorry Op. I’ve felt like that before and to a degree now with dd1 who is 20 and has behaved for the past two years quite unpleasantly towards me and her younger sister for no discernible reason. She still lives with us and it feels like being bullied in my own home alot of the time as she can be so horrible. she has ruined this weekend so far when the whole family are here, by being stroppy and I actually feel a bit done with it. I would usually try and pander to her but I actually can’t be bothered to even talk to her today. It’s such a horrible feeling loving your child, but not liking them much, and not feeling at all liked back when you have bent over backwards for them. Sending you a gentle hug.

Why aren't posters telling their adult kids to move out? If, at 20, they are bullying you on your own home, they can get a job and make other living arrangements

God I can’t imagine pressuring an 18 year old to move out, my friends mum did that and it was really detrimental, not everyone teen is ready for that

I relate to this so much. So much effort and fighting for it to be made out how annoying I am. Feel like saying crack on and leaving sometimes! I know everything would fall apart without me here but they don’t appreciate it at all. I’m completely and utterly burnt out with it all

Totally yes.
Different reasons to OP, mine are out all the time and I worry.
Toddler years are tough but I always felt loved, now I feel like I am a party pooper and fun sponge when I ask where they are going, who they are with, etc.

I am hanging in for the improved 20s - they were great til about 14, I hope they will be great again some day.

I feel this! I feel guilty for not taking them out anywhere and so they're on their screens but when I suggest somewhere they groan! I think about this a lot but there's a lack of joy having teens (in my experience) just a hard slog with no space to think. I'm dreading the long summer holidays! Wouldn't be so bad if I could afford a little holiday to break the monotony. Saying that they moaned and argued on our last holiday! So much harder than having toddlers and I had four under 8!

I’m going to go against the grain here as I preferred the teenage years.

But mine are all NT and there haven’t been any issues. I found the toddler years the hardest.

You can go out without needing a babysitter when they are teenagers and they entertain themselves.

I do think the worry is just as bad, if not greater, as they reach their teens and you have “real” things to worry about such as exam results, them going out on their own etc.

I have three boys 22, 16 and 14. Let me tell you the 22 year olds teenage years were just hell on earth. Even the thought of that time now make me feel nauseous. But thankfully we made it through them in one piece and now I couldn’t be prouder. My younger two are angels in comparison, but they do have their moments. It will pass, and it will get better, but there will be different worries.