Am I a mean mum

[Userjal]

I’m new to this - my child has a friend from school over to play today as it’s the school holidays, all pre arranged. My child normally plays with a couple of the neighbourhood kids on the street, they come and call and they all play together. Obviously I can’t be responsible for my child’s friend to play on the street so. The kids that normally play together came knocking this morning and i politely sent them away. They looked at me like a was cruel and looked real upset. Surely I can’t be expected to have everyone playing on my house. I’m a people pleaser so feel awful haha

Overthinking.

It sounds like you’re being really responsible. You’ve got a guest over, so it makes sense that your focus is on them. It’s one of those situations where being kind but also setting clear boundaries is important

Perfectly reasonable.

Phew thank you! I’m such an over thinker so never know whether I’m going reasonable or not 🤦‍♀️

I’d go further and say it’s healthy for them to have this normal interaction/ request turned down. They’ll be back!

They definitely will be back, normally knocking 4 times a day 😂

Had this with mine and had it the other way round. If my children have friends over they play either in the house or garden as I don’t know what the other parents limitations are playing on the street. I’ve also gone to collect my child from a play date and the parent was like oh they’re around somewhere which made me uncomfortable.

Yeh completely agree, I just don’t feel wouldn’t feel comfortable being reasonable for a child I couldn’t see, I trust my own with cars etc but with someone else’s it’s definitely dodgy ground

Don’t worry about it, they will be knocking again by tomorrow!

I once picked my 6 year old up from a play date and the mum gushed that it had been so lovely having her to stay “the kids had played by themselves in the river, while she had a nap”. 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

I think not on the road or out unsupervised unless prearranged. I still feel slightly sick when I think about it ten plus years later.

I think it's fine to say "not today".

It would also have been fine to have them in the house for a period of time (and told them to go when you'd had enough).

You could have also checked with the visiting child's parent in advance re playing out.

(I'm assuming your child is of an age where parents will have differing views about playing out. If they are 14, you may wish to relax slightly ;) )

Omg no way! Doesn’t bare thinking about! I bet she didn’t go to play again!

I suppose selfishly I didn’t want to them to come and play, my child’s friend is such an easy kid and honestly I can just leave them to it, the neighbour kid can be a little bit more tricky and I just can’t be bothered today. Definitely not 14 yet hahah certainly of an age where parents wouldn’t be unreasonable not wanting them to play out.

They’ve been back already 😂 had to explain again any they can’t play out today

I think it’s responsible to say no. You can’t be responsible for keeping all those children safe/ fed/ entertained on your own. You have committed to 1 child so your focus must stay with them. It’s good you can set boundaries too because the summer holidays are coming up and you will likely want/ need to say no a few more times. They won’t even remember what happened by tomorrow lol ps you sound like a lovely caring mum. Don’t worry.

yes it’s fine to send callers away when your child has another child to play, especially if you don’t know if that child is allowed to play out. If they all knew each other I might be inclined to let them in to play or let them play in the garden. But it’s also fine just to say you have visitors.

WTF!! What did you say? I would have absolutely lost my shit over that.

I picked up mine once thinking they’d just play in the garden. He hadn’t been on any unsupervised free range roaming at that time as I felt still too young. On the way home he told me he and his friend went out and ended up in a cemetry. 🤦‍♀️

I wouldn’t dream of letting other people’s children roam freely when they’re supposed to be playing at our house. And the river of all things! 😱

Way ott half the fun of visiting friends is meeting their friends. People like you make the world a colder less friendly place

They know each other they go to the same school. Can’t win either way, if I had 10 kids squealing in my back garden I’m sure the world mumsnet would have something to say

Holy crap! 😳

Yeh I think your right, I had them all in a couple of days ago and tbh it was hassle, in and out, shouting to the other kids. I’ve got a dog and a toddler so can’t have my door open as a free for all. Thank you that’s kind of you to say

This. Always good to set boundaries.....the summer holidays will be along in a few months. You don't want to be thought of as handy childcare for other children

You did the responsible thing, the children will think no more of it. Kids don't usually go out to play if they have visitors, that's normal.

I have to say I have never lived anywhere that children played in the street, they all played in their gardens in good weather, or indoors if bad. Mine played with neighbours and they were in and out of each other's houses and gardens all the time but would never have thought of playing in the street. When old enough they went to the park sometimes.

As well as not letting kids do stuff that you're not sure their parents will be keen on, it's also nice for the visiting kid to feel that they're the main character that day - being looked after and hosted is important for developing self-esteem, and for the kid whose house it is, it's about learning how to look after their friend and be responsible for them enjoying themselves.