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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

feel really sad for my son

21 replies

susia · 17/06/2008 23:08

Today my four year old son came back from school in tears. He said that he was in a team and everyone choose to be in the other team. He said everyone hates him.

I hope it is just a one off and I will speak to his teacher. I think he gets on with most of his class but mainly the boys. But I really felt sad for him.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 17/06/2008 23:10

Twinklemegan · 17/06/2008 23:10

Childhood can be so tough. He's lucky to have such a caring mum.

Tickle · 17/06/2008 23:11

for you and your ds. Hopefully it was a one-off, but speak to the teacher to ascertain what really happened (he may have misinterpreted?)

Hope he has forgotten all about it in the morning

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Original poster

susia · 17/06/2008 23:23

thank you I will talk to his teacher. I really hope everyone doesn't dislike him and it was a one off.

OP posts:

Alfreda · 17/06/2008 23:24

I'm sure it was: the good thing is he told you about it, and you will help.

cluttercup · 17/06/2008 23:26

Poor wee boy!

JeremyVileSponsoredByPembsLass · 17/06/2008 23:41

Kids can be tough on each other. So long as he's coming home to a family that adore him, that's all you can do and ultimately what really matters.

lizinthesticks · 18/06/2008 08:46

The other day DD1 (1.11) was playing with her 3.3 friend. At one point her friend went "missing" - DD1 was left dundering around on her own, looking at stuff, practicing her jumping and stuff. I went to see where her friend was - a few yards away, sitting on the slide steps. I said what's up, and she said no one wants to play with me. It was sad and funny. Mostly funny though because that wasn't the case at all. Me and her mum were a few feet away, gassing and DD1 was just pratting about. DD1 would have been only too happy to play with her friend but didn't really know where she'd gone, or why. They were playing beautifully up to that point, as they do 99.9% of the time. Nothing had happened - I mean, yes we were gassing. But always with at least 1 eye on the 2 of them. There'd been no harsh words, no contact and certainly no peevishness of any kind. And yet DD1's friend had been (apparently) convinced that no one wanted to play with her. I think this in part stems from her having an older sister (8) who probably does get a bit fed up when her little sister tries to get in on all the action initiated by her big sister and friends. And so she brings some of that to her own play with my DD1. At any rate, this is just a long winded way of saying that sometimes it's all about nothing. Or if not nothing, then something intangible. Hopefully that's the case here. shrugs

TeeBee · 18/06/2008 11:33

Yes, worth checking. Can't imagine the teacher would let EVERYONE but your DS be on one team. Maybe a few of his key friends were on the other team. May not have done it out of malice, most 4 year old boys pretty oblivious to other people's feelings (just wondering at what age it actually end...hmmm).

rey · 18/06/2008 11:34

Your son is only 4 the teacher needs to be made aware of how this affected your child.

jelliebelly · 18/06/2008 11:36

It's a real shame that he was upset but is it possible that he misinterpreted what actually happened? I would have a word with the teacher and explain how upset he was. Boys are pretty careless about others feelings (be it at 4 or 40!)and he is lucky that he can talk to you about it.

Tickle · 18/06/2008 22:54

did you get a chance to clear it up with the teacher today?

TsarChasm · 18/06/2008 23:01

Only 4 too. Choosing and teams..pah!

Do they still do that in school? At mine they always got the popular kids to choose their teams. God it was awful.

youcannotbeserious · 18/06/2008 23:04

Oh, god, I hated the whole team choosing thing....

I'm surprised they still do that....

I'm glad your DS has such a caring mum though...

Doodle2U · 18/06/2008 23:09

"everyone chose to be in the other team"

Hmm....."everyone" doesn't always mean everyone to a four year old. More often than not, it means my two best muckers or my one fave friend etc etc.

Be wary of four year old speak - a bit of probing might produce a different picture!

youcannotbeserious · 18/06/2008 23:12

Was thinking just the same thing, DOodle - I was 'friends' with 3 girls at school and I was always devastated if they weren't by my side.

When all three of them were placed in a different set at school, it was like the whole school had parted...

Ironically, I was in a 'better' set but it certainly didn't feel like that at the time.

Doodle2U · 18/06/2008 23:17

Oh YCBS, that happened to me too - my two friends went in to class 6 and I was put in class 7 and I cried in front of the whole school.

youcannotbeserious · 18/06/2008 23:28

But the whole point (at that age) is that your friends are together.

I can still remember my dad telling me that I was not to waste the opportunity (of being in the top set) and to work hard, but all I really cared about was that my three friends were together and I was alone.

I didn't stay in touch with any of them, even though the three of them are still reasonable friends, as far as I know.

Long time ago now, but I can still remember how much it got to me at the time.

Original poster

susia · 18/06/2008 23:35

yes I did speak to the teacher today, I think in fact it was there were two teams and he wasn't choosen till last which made him really upset. I don't like the fact that they still do this as it is horrible for ones chosen last and I have said this to her. I hope it won't happen again.

OP posts:

Twinklemegan · 18/06/2008 23:49

I know exactly what you mean Susia. It's cruel. I was always chosen last for teams and it has stayed with me, and it colours my personality to this day.

mrshedge · 24/06/2008 16:32

This brings back memories- the standing there hoping desperately to be picked next and not left until last. It was utterly horrid. Given all the PC mumbo jumbo about no-one being a loser which gets rid of perfectly reasonable stuff in schools, I'm amazed this still goes on .

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