had an emergency hystorectomy, so can't have anymore children, anyone have any positive things to say about only children

[feelingalittleblue]

had to have an emergency hystrectomy when i had dd 1yo.

feel quite sad i won't be having anymore children, could do with hearing a few good things about only children, oh i hate the term only

sorry i'm not much help, but didn't want to leave this thread unanswered.

dd1's best friend is an only child. She is lovely (nearly 11) has a fantastic relationship with her Mum & Dad. They get to do nice civilised things as a family. She is not a spoilt brat! Her & DD1 have quite a sisterly relationship. All is not lost!

its only really just hitting me now tbh, maybe as dd has just turned 1.

DS could very well be an only child, so I'm hoping people with experience of this will come up with some positive things.

I hate the term as well - it's a very loaded phrase IMO. Can she have a pet, like a dog, of her very own when she's older? We will be doing that with DS in the hope that it will help with the companionship thing. The only thing that really worries me is times like Christmas when families tend to close in on themselves. Does your DD have cousins?

It's funny. When I was finding it so hard to conceive I felt really left out not having a baby. Now I might only be having one, I still feel like an outsider for not having two or more. It's tough, and I really feel for you in your situation.

DH is an only, and he never ever wanted siblings. With DS being an only (mostly through choice but for medical reasons), I feel relief that we've done and dusted the baby and mess stage, and can start to do more civilised things.

with an only child you can do far more things than with more children and do things appropriate for their age. You can also afford more for them and have a close 1-1 relationship. My son is an only child and there are some real benefits.

This thread always seems to hit the spot....

I thought we'd only be able to have one and we decided against adoption. On the positive side, there is a lot of pressure and guilt associated with having a second child, you develop this amazingly close relationship with one child and then feel awful because you are having another and will have to reduce the amount of time you can dedicate to them.

As it transpires, we are having an heir and a spare . The docs messed up and we weren't as infertile as they thought.

Also, financially, it's obviously easier with one than two and you don't have the pull in two directions of having to decide between attending the dance recital and the football match.

Once they get to school as well (or indeed nursery) they get just as much socialisation and again they don't have to fight for recognition at home.

I have three older brothers, it was a constant struggle to be noticed though my parents were really great and made an enormous effort. Your daughter won't have that problem. You will also be the cool mum who has time to have the other kids round for tea probably, rather than the harassed mum of many who will be fighting to get everyone fed and to bed at a decent hour.

And she's not an 'only' child, she's 'your' child, a special surprise in your life who will grow up individual and cherished.

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad.

I'm an only child. I loved it - my parents and I were a fantastic little team, and really enjoyed each other's company.

thanks your really helping me, what other term could i use if say someone says to me, oh so your dd will be an only?

i like a nice reply, something like oh no shes not a only shes a .....

I am an only child, I had a really happy childhood, friends to play, enjoyed and learnt to play on my own and never felt lonely.

I really can enjoy being on my own and enjoy my own company because i learnt this as a child.

My dad did lots of boy type things with me, not cos he wanted a boy just so that i didn't grwo up thinking that i couldn't do boy things. I learnt to put oil in the car etc and pump up the tyers on my bike, press the acelerator when he was fixing the car

Siblings dont always get on, dont like each other and grow up to never really like each other or ever spend any time together.

As an only child you can pick your friends, never have an annoying sister borrow your stuff, or an annoying brother stuff spiders down your bed.

I had lots of friends growing up both boys and girls and sleep overs etc with lots of fun.

Christams was great fun and although not spent with other children i never knew any different did I? I had fun playing with toys and board games were played with adults - my dad never let me win either.

Your dd will not know any different and what you havn't had you will not miss.

Play dates, sleep overs a social home and she will grow into a kind sharing girl.

enjoy your dd

I tend to avoid the only child handle, and will describe DS as flying solo.

thanks its good to hear frim people that have found it a positive experience.

thanks for the link im looking at that too.

it really just hit me, to start off with after the birth and pph i just though oh well thank goodness we are both here and alive, but noe dd turned 1, shes getting less baby like and its hit me

My best friend doesn't have any siblings. She is kind, sharing, loving and very very special and I've known her since we were about 6. At a recent kids' party one of her friends (who hadn't met me before) asked if I was her sister. Her dad was there too, and the three of us looked at one another and then all said together 'Yes... sort of!'. Not having siblings doesn't mean not having the kind of relationships that siblings have (if that makes sense).

..my parents were both "sole fliers" were resourceful, self sufficient and able to enjoy their own company without being reliant on others. My best friend is also an "SF" and I know that when we were teenagers we used each other in the way that siblings use each other for support. I was always jealous of the quality time she got with her parents!

I genuinely think taht there are as many positives for being an only child as there are for having siblings.

Someone made the point on here once (obvious when you think about it) that every first child is an only child for a good few years. Some children have 7 or 8 years between them. They're not classed as only children, but to all intents and purposes they are. So it's not really unusual at all.

I'd echo what's already been said. I had always hoped for two children but medical problems intervened and I count myself very lucky to have one.

Most of my cousins are only children and one in particular is vehement that she is very happy that she didn't have siblings. Several of my friends too are only children and are very positive about it.

The only downside, I think, of having one child is that you have to work a bit harder at encouraging things - such as learning to take turns and share with other children - that happen spontaneously (I hope!) in families with more than one child. I also wonder whether we might start going on holidays to places with kids' clubs so that our poor child doesn't have to spend a fortnight getting bored in the company of two old codgers.

But these are small things. There are many plusses. Because she spends so much time with adults, she's super-confident and articulate. She's also very adaptable and can cope with situations that might faze other children. We are able to do lots of age-appropriate things with her because we don't have to trade her needs or interests against siblings'; we're not massively wealthy but we have the time and money to take her to ballet lessons or whatever her latest enthusiasm and (hooray) we were out of the nappy stage quickly.

I don't see any sign that she regrets being an only. She occasionally says that she'd like a sister but she also says that she wouldn't have liked it if I'd had another baby and it had been a boy. She also enjoys some of the tangible benefits of being an only child (such as ridiculous quantities of toys bought by her childless aunt who has no other nieces or nephewws)!

Sorry. Long post.

I am a single parent of an only child. Together we are able to do things that other people in couples and with several children can't do so easily. I often take him to the cinema, theatre etc which would be difficult with a younger child. This weekend we're going to London to visit the museums, it would be very expensive and difficult with a few children but with one it is fine.

Susia...

Round of applause for children flying solo. !!!

Love the expression 'flying solo'. Will be using it myself from now on.

so other than sole fliers, love that, any other terms for only children

yes i can see it not all doom and gloom, im so lucky we have dd, and dd has me and dh to love her.

also with my son who is four we have nice relaxed weekends when we aren't meeting people. We get up late, watch tv in my bedroom, have breakfast in cafes etc...I can't imagine people with a four year and a toddler can do these things.

Susia,

It only gets better, DH and I are constantly creased in awe of Ds's logic.

Most of the time, flying solo rocks.

One of DD2's friends flies solo. Her mother is single. They have a house in France that they take DD2 to each holiday.

I know that the mum encourages her DD to be around children and to do child-centric things. They have a good, strong relationship. When her DD is at my house she just gets on with being one of many.