How to help 8-year-old fall asleep without me lying on floor?

[SadlyNotATroll]

My 8yo has been a problem sleeper since birth. He’s never slept all night in his own bed; he falls asleep there but migrates to my bed in the night. That doesn’t bother me as it doesn’t disturb be, but what does bother me is that I still have to lie on his floor while he falls asleep and army crawl out of the door when he finally drops off. If he notices and wakes up the cycle starts all over again. I can’t help but feel he should be able to fall asleep on his own by now but I’m still being patient and hoping he grows out of it on his own like countless MN threads promise will happen!

I was born in ‘89, my sister in ‘85 - my mother would never.

This is how I feel too. I have my PJs on and relax with DS8 until he falls asleep. Best time of the day. I know one day soon it will all be over.

DS10 is fine going to bed on his own now.

In our day “ get to bed and stop mucking about”. This needs to be brought back.

Tell him that he's a big boy and he can get into bed but listen to an audio book of his choice, he can stay awake until he is really sleepy but he can't wander around. I didn't have this problem with mine but their bedrooms were places to relax in IYSWIM. So they were used to flopping on their beds, listening to a book or music from quite a young age. Also I didn't want to spend half the evening negotiating with a child about bedtime having been at work all day, so I had always been strict about bed time.

@Oblivionnnnn It’s not a need is it, it’s a want. I hope if I get grandchildren my DDs don’t do this! Why are all these dc so soppy?

@OhDear111bexause their mums are willing to lie on the FLOOR for them uncomplainingly, when they are old enough to go to the shops and the park all by themselves 🤷‍♀️

had to do this with my eldest when we moved him to a bed when he was 2. Doing it with an 8 year old is beyond ridiculous.

Me neither.

My mind is blown by this whole thread. The army crawling ! The resigned “then I have to start all over again”. For an 8 year old! God you are far nicer than I am.

Dd1 was hard to settle and we did all
sorts of nonsense like this. Then when she was about 8 months I bravely took her on my own to Paris in the Eurostar to stay with friends who had a same age baby and toddler. The DH insisted his wife and I went out to dinner he would babysit. I explained our painful bed time routine. He nodded. We got back he hadn’t bothered doing it obviously. She “cried for abit then was fine”. And that was that.

Its really not a huge deal though? We sot with her and she then sleeps through the night.

My in laws have a child who 'self soothes' but they honestly have a meltdown if she wakes in the night or 5am.

I really dont get worked up about sleep 😅

Yes! I just relax or read on my kindle. It really wont last forever. Cherish it.

Cherish lying on the floor? Er, no thanks. I’ll cherish my adult evening instead.

Yeah, I dont lay on the floor. My back cant stand that. She has 2 beds in her room

Yeah I don't lie on the floor tbh I'm in the bed having cuddles 😂
it really doesn't take long to have a little chat and cuddles for him to then fall asleep.
I get why people don't but I couldn't get too hung up on it being such a wrong thing to do, isnt going to last forever

I disagree, neurodivergent kids have always existed and many of them struggle greatly with sleep. They may not have had the parenting they needed in the past but that's no reason to keep doing badly now. I have always chosen to support my children's needs because a need met is a need fulfilled. I didn't want my kids to experience the trauma many kids of my generation did through poor parenting. You obviously feel differently and that's up to you.

Pop in and out. “Sweetheart, I’m just running an errand but I will come back in 2 minutes to check on you”. Rinse and repeat until he finally falls asleep.

Over time he will get used to longer stretches between check-ins, and eventually will get used to falling asleep by himself.

Please can people stop lumping nuorodivergent kids all together. My adult son has ASD and ADHD. He's never wanted or needed me to stay with him to sleep. He was actually happier being left to himself. He didn't want fussing. I think he liked the peace and quiet of his bedroom and being able to choose if he wanted to listen to music or a book. Similarly, he toilet trained himself early.
Of my children he was the best for sleeping, and being independent.

Same @loislovesstewieboth my kids have ADHD/ASD and would think I was mental if I tried to hang about their rooms like that

This is what happens when you co-sleep with a baby.........

Babies need to be put to bed in their own cots, in their own rooms. Then they learn to sleep.

It's just nonsense for parents to stay with babies and children while they fall asleep.

Anyway. OP you need the Ferber Sleep Training book.

I do have some sympathy for doing this with a baby as they don’t understand they are being left etc. But an 8 year old?! The mind boggles.

Nor me. But I have a friend who does this still with her son who is 14

Erm... just have a conversation (not at bedtime).

Johnny you are a big boy now and Mummy has jobs to do after you go to bed. We will read a story and then I am going to give you a cuddle and then it will be bedtime

Do this at bedtime. If they kick off be kind but firm.

Enabling this at their age is setting your child up for long-time issues imo.

Same here, I actually just lie beside him. Not the floor.

Thirded. @loislovesstewie

Ours does still need company for 5mins at bedtime but if I laid down on the bedroom floor I’d be promptly kicked out.

We also have never encouraged cosleeping. Yes it’s tiring getting up and down when he wakes multiple times a night (which isn’t every night), but bed sharing is a firm boundary in our house.

We’d like him to be more independent, not less.

Absolute nonsense! I never left my baby to cry or sleep alone — with no understanding of where I would be or why I wouldn’t come to them when they’re crying alone in the dark. I think Ferber is cruel and the baby thinks they’ve been abandoned. Equally, my 2 year old goes to sleep perfectly
nicely by herself now as I gently transitioned her with kindness and support. Stop making connection that doesn’t exist. Idiotic.