How to help 8-year-old fall asleep without me lying on floor?

[SadlyNotATroll]

My 8yo has been a problem sleeper since birth. He’s never slept all night in his own bed; he falls asleep there but migrates to my bed in the night. That doesn’t bother me as it doesn’t disturb be, but what does bother me is that I still have to lie on his floor while he falls asleep and army crawl out of the door when he finally drops off. If he notices and wakes up the cycle starts all over again. I can’t help but feel he should be able to fall asleep on his own by now but I’m still being patient and hoping he grows out of it on his own like countless MN threads promise will happen!

You need to set up a bedtime routine and stick to it. Tell him that parents don't stay with their children while they fall asleep. Be nearby but not in the room and gradually be further away until you are downstairs.

He could listen to stories while falling asleep, or music.

You say that you hope he will grow out of it, but you are enabling him to behave like this while you continue to lie on his floor. You need to help him but gradually removing yourself from the room. It won't change until you change it.

He’s reliant on you for sleep.
Up to you how you tackle it. Either stay how you are, but if you want to break it you’ll need to be patient and consistent. Why not introduce some audio books and say you’ll pop back every ten mins, gradually making the time longer. Even when he wakes at night I’d be taking him back to his own bed so he sees this space as his place to settle to sleep. Will take time but eventually you will have your evenings back but only works if you are consistent.

I would be cautious about listening to stories/ music to go to sleep for a problem sleeper as it can create issues. In my DS case he used to wake up every few hours ALL NIGHT and needed to listen to his yoto every time to go back to sleep. Massive upset if I tried to put any limits around it.

One night he lost it just before bedtime (and then I found it and hid it for good). As soon as it was gone he started sleeping much better and not waking up in the night any more.

Why do you do this? Is he scared? Lonely? Or is he just used to it now?

He's 8 now, he's old enough to have a light if he doesn't like the dark, and to understand you're in the house if he needs you but that he needs to learn to sleep on his own.

While it's true he won't be doing this at 15, quite honestly I don't really understand why parents just accept this for so long rather than so something their kid might not like. My youngest in particular would have quite literally breast fed till 6 or 7 and slept in my bed too. He's now 14 and doesn't remember me weaning him off the breast or getting him into his own room.

We were in this position with my daughter.
She has been a terrible sleeper from birth due to reflux and allergies. She is still medicated for the reflux and she has needed a lot of comfort to support her sleeping as it has caused her pain.

We have had to be proactive in pushing her boundaries when she is doing well and giving her more support when she needs. At 3 we had a reflux relapse and she went back to only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time whilst being held upright by me just like a newborn in my bed. Slowly we went back into her bed then sat next to her bed with holding our arms to sat next without touching to sitting on the other side of the room. This took us up to 4.5-5. We started with meditation which plays all night and stopped her waking so much in the night. I had been on her floor most nights for an hour but i needed this to stop, within a week she was sleeping through and only woke if it stopped!

I was expecting our second and we had hoped to get her off us lying on her floor over the summer holiday but instead had was unwell and in and out of hospital so we didn't feel it was the best time. There was then a night when baby was able 6 weeks where dad was jet lagged after being a way with work and had been up for 30h and wasn't fit for sleeping on her floor and baby was screaming. She had to find her own way to get to sleep as I couldn't split myself in two. I spent time sat outside her room and checked on her regularly. She went to sleep about 10 o'clock which wasn't ideal but she did it. From then on we haven't slept in her room. For the first month one of us stay in our room as she went to sleep. For the first week until she was asleep and then on slightly earlier each week until we put her to bed and went downstairs.

Her bed time routine is now - meds, teeth, pjs. Reading and stories then into bed for an audio book. We stay upstairs whilst this plays for about half an hour. She then gets a hug and a kiss and we switch the audio book for the mediation and go downstairs. She goes to sleep sometime in the next hour. We have worked the bedtime routine backwards. She takes longer to go to sleep compared to when we were sat on the floor so we have started the bedtime routine earlier.

She's a low sleep needs child which doesn't help!

My friend does this with her children.

there is no way I would be lying on the floor for mins / anytime let alone hours while they go to sleep

at 8 he’s quite old enough to understand and fall sleep by self

If you want the gentle approach then do gradual retreat so sit on bed - chair by door etc

or say you will pop in every now and then

they can read a book. Listen to music etc

but laying on the floor. Madness

I read it a lot on mn. Some want to stop and don’t know how

start the same routine.

wee
teeth
cuddle

walk out

return Later and repeat

if wake in night take back to own bed

Lying on the floor sounds absolutely bat shit, just say goodnight

This used to be me, but I think I stopped it at 8 years but just saying, "look, I can only stay for a bit, I've got stuff to do". He's 9 now, and I can't remember the last time I had to do it.

This. I simply wouldn’t have entertained laying on a floor with a kid of any age. They have to learn it’s bedtime. Read if you can’t drop off. It’s all eating into your evening.

My nearly 12yo has only just stopped needing us to lie with him at bedtime. Some kids just need more help with sleep and you can't really hurry it up.

I read a book called 'how eskimos keep their babies warm'. Its quite old now but I loved it.
Made some good points, about how UK and US think that parents seem to think they are entitled to 7pm onwards 'me' time and how we have the most sleep problems. Other cultures just go with the flow alot more.

My god there are some devoted parents on this thread. Like hell would I be doing this for an 8 year old. You matter too.

I think our generation gives too much to our kids. Maybe our parents were too harsh but the pendulum has swung way too far the other way.

No wonder the younger generation aren’t having kids if this level of input is expected.

Absolutely this! Just say you’re 8yo now, you’re big enough to go to sleep by yourself. Back to bed please.

For a baby I see that but a great big kid?!

Excellent reply. It’s so tiring to read about the mummy martyrs who give up their entire evenings for this nonsense.
It’s practically a fetishisation of bedtime.

My 8yr old does similar. I’ve started saying I’m going to brush my teeth/fold laundry/have a shower and I’ll be back soon. More often than not, she’s asleep by the time I get back. Good luck

Honestly I would just put him to sleep in your bed - he’s going to end up there anyone and at least he’ll get into the habit of falling asleep on his own. Then later move him to a single bed in your room. Followed my moving his single bed to his room.

My mother used to say parenting is what you put up with. Humans are self interested so will just push as far as they can. Who wouldn’t like their every whim catered for?!

I don’t think you’re doing them any favours with all this pandering.

When I read the title, I wondered why any parent would lie on the when dc demanded it? Why start? Parenting is about saying “No” at times.

My friends have two boys 6 and 9, and the 9 year old sleeps in the grown up bedroom sharing a double bed with his dad and the mum sleeps on a mattress on the floor of the 6yo's bedroom. The 9yo used to sleep in his own room but has insisted on not being by himself for the last few years. Mum has slept in the same room as the younger one since he graduated from a beside me pod thing. There are different problems at play there but neither adult is getting great sleep - they don't seem to want to push the children to change things, but my friend gets terrible sleep and I do think being on a rubbish mattress on the floor can't be helping.

Our (super autistic) 9 year old can’t fall asleep independently and in the past wanted us sat next to his bed for every minute of him settling. Hours, some nights.

I have never, ever, laid down on his bedroom floor. I also never get into his bed, and he doesn’t get into ours.

I think it’s important for sleep independence that children know, this is my bed and that’s yours. I also like our bedroom to be our own space, which we need sometimes.

We have met somewhere in the middle. He has his bedtime routine, and then chills in his room. He shouts “goodnight time!” and one of us goes in for the 5mins after that it takes him to go to sleep, sitting next to his bed. Still no floor lying.

For a neurotypical kid of the same age, I’d be telling him that it’s bedtime and I’m not lying on the floor. Goodnight, see you tomorrow.

Oh no WAY would I have been doing this with an 8 year old. I used to employ the old ‘I’m just doing boring housework in the next room’ thing and just pop my head in every ten minutes or so.

Independently falling asleep is a skill they have to learn, and having your parents commando crawl about on your bedroom floor is not a great way to learn.

I mean, that’s just not true.

Did ANY KID in the 80s or whatever expect their parents to lie on the floor while they drifted off? It’s one of the ridiculous facets of modern parenting which have been put upon us.

Trying to imagine my parents lying on my bedroom floor to help me get to sleep. And failing. That would never happen.