AIBU to ask nursery to adapt lunch times for DS?

[bouncingblob]

So our son seems to run on an internal bodyclock more like a teenager than a baby.

He's one and in nursery full time, but on weekends, days off or before my maternity ended, he will go to bed sometime between 7 and 8 and sleep for anywhere from 12-14 hours. Then in the afternoon he'll go down for a nap which could last anywhere from 2-3 hours. He's been on one nap a day since 10 months and consolidating sleep like this since about 4 months.

This is great at weekends as we get a lie in and plenty of time to get stuff done too.

He will normally get his breakfast, at the weekends, sometime between 8 and half 9. Then there'll be a bottle before midday, and then the nap normally starts sometime between 11-12. So he's then having lunch between 2-3, and dinner could be starting as late as 6 if he's had a late day. Even with all that, he'll settle no bother for bedtime by 8 at the latest.

All sounds blissful, and indeed it is.

But nursery caters to the masses, not the unicorns. So firstly, we have to wake him up about an hour earlier than he's ready to, which makes him a bit cranky to start the day. Feed him his breakfast and then he's in nursery by 9.

This is where it all goes pear shaped. They feed them lunch around 11-11.30am. This is, as you can see, up to 3-4 hours earlier than he normally has it. It's also less than an hour after his morning bottle, so he's not hungry, and the end result is he's almost never eating his lunch at nursery.

He'll go down for his nap and they give them a smaller snack around 3ish, which he sometimes takes and sometimes doesn't.

Obviously I know the nursery can't change their entire way of doing things to accommodate one child, nor would I ask them to. But equally, particularly considering he's over one and will soon be weaned off the bottle, it's not going to be viable to have him skip lunch 5 days a week.

Do you think it would be a reasonable accomodation if I asked them to just let him have his lunch during snack time, and to skip that morning lunch feed instead?

How old is he?

The 4th line of the post says he's 1....
HTH.

But as you say, you’re weaning him off the bottle soon, so surely after that he won’t be skipping lunch as he will be hungrier?

I can tell you now, the nursery will say no. Imagine if all the parents wanted the routine changed to accommodate their child's timings. Pity the staff who have to keep track of all that nonsense as well as carry out all the other demands of the job. Change your child's routine to fit the nursery, or get a nanny.

By all means have a chat with nursery and see what they can accommodate or suggest to help with the transition but realistically it’s not a long term solution. He will have to adjust to eating with everyone at lunch time. I’d get rid of the morning bottle and start to adjust his body clock. If it were me

That's the hope, yes. Afternoon bottle will be first to go though, then morning, then nighttime. He's our first so I don't know how quick or easy any of that is going to be, but I know it would be easier if he was eating his lunch every day.

I actually don't think you're being unreasonable to ask the question. He can be offered lunch alongside everyone else but if he doesn't eat it, I don't see why it can't be kept aside for him for when he wakes up. I've worked across a few nursery settings and there was always a child or two who slept through lunch/fell asleep in their lunch and they were still fed when they woke up. In my opinion, this is very similar AND you're not asking them to set up.a second mealtime just for him but rather he has his meal while the others are eating anyway.

They may be more amenable if you offered to make a packed lunch for him so that storing and reheating food isn't a concern, though.

I would start that weaning from the bottle asap, at 1 he doesn’t really need it. In a couple of weeks you could have him down to bedtime bottle only. That will help a lot with adjusting to nursery mealtimes I suspect.

Sorry I missed that.

At one he doesn’t need formula so I would go with dropping the bottle of milk.

I would agree with PP that he doesn’t the bottle at this age so weaning asap.

I would also agree with PP that it might be better to offer a packed lunch for him to eat at snack time rather than them keeping cold food for him.

The clocks are about to change so unfortunately you are going to have to start waking him up much earlier so you need a 2 pronged approach and follow nursery routine. Ditch the morning bottle!

if he is in nursery 5 days, then it would make more sense to adapt your weekend routine to the nursery one.
I would certainly lose the morning bottle first, or at very least cut it in half, then he will eat lunch.

I would suggest moving to not giving a morning bottle, then he will eat a bit more at lunch, then keep the afternoon bottle and ask them to give him a bigger afternoon snack if he doesnt eat much at lunch time. It where you need to move to long term anyway

This sounds not too far off from his schedule tough…he might or might not eat at 11ish (mine sometimes doesn’t when he had a late breakfast) but then he can go down for his nice long nap as usual, and when he wakes up, it’s almost time for the 3pm snack anyway (in my nursery, this is quite substantial and almost lunch equivalent, what go they give at yours?) so he doesn’t stay hungry.

Wouldn't it make more sense to drop the morning bottle first, because that would help address this current issue?

I agree, you need to stop the morning bottle. You need to get him into a routine that helps him at nursery. So that means waking him up earlier at the weekends. Of course he's cranky being woken up, as over the weekend he has to adjust to a different routine.

You can ask the nursery but ultimately your son is going to need to get into nursery routine, and not a weekend one. You need to adapt your weekend routine so it's similar to the week.

Nope. If you want a single schedule, you adapt your home schedule to reflect what happens at nursery.

This!!

The morning bottle is the issue that needs tackling first. Then he will be ready to eat with everyone else. Not eating between 8/9am and 2/3pm at home is very unusual and seems too large a gap. Do you not agree?

You could adjust his bedtime so he is in bed 6:30-7. Then he will get his 12-14 hours sleep. My DD's also need this amount of sleep so in order to get them up for 7 for school and nursery we have to have an early bedtime in the week.

If he is awake by 7am and had breakfast by 7.30. His morning bottle will be earlier so should be hungry at lunchtime

Ditch the morning bottle. Bring bedtime earlier.

Exactly this. Your child is very unusual in their schedule. Majority of 1 year olds wake at 6am and are desperate for lunch at 11.30! Our nursery will keep lunch if a child is asleep but they wouldn't possibly serve lunch at 2/3pm, thats right in the middle of afternoon activity. once he drops the bottle he'll be hungrier for lunch anyway.

I think it's glaringly obvious to most posters on here op that it's the morning bottle that is the issue!

Give him a drink with breakfast and drop the morning bottle. He's getting big to have it anyway, so I wouldn't be adjusting his routine around fitting it in, let alone the nursery's. He is still getting milk later in the day so he really just doesn't need it by 1 year old..

Just stop the morning bottle from tomorrow. Let him eat his lunch. Problem solved. You’re overcomplicating this. He’s 1 and it won’t be long before his entire sleep schedule changes again — you can’t build your whole life around his naps!

His schedule needs to fit with that of the nursery, not the other way round. I agree that the morning bottle should go first.n