AIBU to ask nursery to adapt lunch times for DS?

[bouncingblob]

So our son seems to run on an internal bodyclock more like a teenager than a baby.

He's one and in nursery full time, but on weekends, days off or before my maternity ended, he will go to bed sometime between 7 and 8 and sleep for anywhere from 12-14 hours. Then in the afternoon he'll go down for a nap which could last anywhere from 2-3 hours. He's been on one nap a day since 10 months and consolidating sleep like this since about 4 months.

This is great at weekends as we get a lie in and plenty of time to get stuff done too.

He will normally get his breakfast, at the weekends, sometime between 8 and half 9. Then there'll be a bottle before midday, and then the nap normally starts sometime between 11-12. So he's then having lunch between 2-3, and dinner could be starting as late as 6 if he's had a late day. Even with all that, he'll settle no bother for bedtime by 8 at the latest.

All sounds blissful, and indeed it is.

But nursery caters to the masses, not the unicorns. So firstly, we have to wake him up about an hour earlier than he's ready to, which makes him a bit cranky to start the day. Feed him his breakfast and then he's in nursery by 9.

This is where it all goes pear shaped. They feed them lunch around 11-11.30am. This is, as you can see, up to 3-4 hours earlier than he normally has it. It's also less than an hour after his morning bottle, so he's not hungry, and the end result is he's almost never eating his lunch at nursery.

He'll go down for his nap and they give them a smaller snack around 3ish, which he sometimes takes and sometimes doesn't.

Obviously I know the nursery can't change their entire way of doing things to accommodate one child, nor would I ask them to. But equally, particularly considering he's over one and will soon be weaned off the bottle, it's not going to be viable to have him skip lunch 5 days a week.

Do you think it would be a reasonable accomodation if I asked them to just let him have his lunch during snack time, and to skip that morning lunch feed instead?

This. Unless he's underweight I wouldn't worry about which meals he does and doesn't eat. As long as he's offered a variety of healthy food, I think you can trust him to eat what he needs.

Ah. Most you know. That’s probably more accurate.

Conversely, most of the people I know didn’t/don’t. And thinking about the businesses I’ve worked for in the last 10 years, in HR, across 3 sectors including the NHS, the majority of our roles didn’t have 8am or 9am starts or 5pm finishes. Hence I was surprised when you so confidently asserted your position across the entire population.

This was a weird little side show ...

Wake him earlier than 8 (which is late for a toddler)

<looks at teenager across the room>

Must have been broken when she came out. Can count on the fingers of one hand the times she woke naturally before 10am before the age of 3.

Why not adjust his routine at home? 3pm for lunch is very late

it’s really unreasonable to expect nursery to give him his lunch when other kids are snacking and vice versa. Nursery runs on structure and routine

Not really. I’m really fascinated by how determined people are that everyone must be the same as them.

Quick to say you’re wrong for having a child that isn’t hungry at the same time as others, doesn’t sleep like others etc. Some iIf us have completely different experiences which are deemed irrelevant by the “normies”.

So I was just checking I hadn’t slid into some alternate universe without noticing, given such strong statements that the OP should fall into line.

It’s relative.

For night owls, it’s not late at all.

My daughters routine on nursery days was the following at 12m
Up at 8
In nursery for breakfast at 8.30
Lunch 11.30
Bottle followed by Nap 12-2
Tea 3.30
Home at 6
Snack 6.30
Bottle and bed at 8-8.30 asleep by 9.30-10

On home days
Up between 8 and 9
Breakfast 9.30-10
Lunch 12.30-1
Bottle then nap 1.30-3.30
Dinner at 5
Bottle and bed at 8.30

Once she was in nursery we adjusted our routine to be close enough to nurseries whilst still fitting into our routine

Op routine might work in that the bottle comes after the lunch. Can you use that approach to wean him off? But that way he has had a chance to fill up on the food (and might begin to feel less interested in the bottle.) But if he isn't needing it (because he has just eaten) it will be easier to reduce the amount progressively.

Update: He got through a whole day of nursery today without any bottles, which was great!

As expected, the nighttime bottle is going to be a struggle. Even after a massive dinner and dessert absolutely nothing would do but a full 7oz bottle. Will just take a bit of time to fully wean off, but I knew cold turkey would never work for all three bottles.

Well done.
I wouldn't drop all the bottles in one day. Keep the evening one for a while.

That sounds great! Did you have any feedback on his eating too? I'm sure his night bottle will be eagerly awaited, and cutting it can be taken a bit more slowly as it shouldn't affect his food intake.

Are you planning to take this approach at home too?

That’s good, I think doing the nighttime bottle gradually is ok, it’s the daytime ones that needed to go. Bedtime one is about comfort not just food. Drop it gradually an oz at a time and then switch to a cup of warm milk

That's great news op!

I think the 7oz at bedtime is fine.

🥳 my milk addict gave up her before bed bottle at 2 by switching to anyway up cup. Would have been younger but it meant also stopping notes for the 12 month old.

She was most put out but I could explain they were gone.

If all else fails you can go cold Turkey with them when he is older. Left them for the reindeers Christmas Eve is a good one too.

One bottle at bed is fine, it’s more for comfort anyway. It was just the 2 days time ones that needed to go for his age, it was stopping him from eating any actual food.
By Saturday he’ll probably have forgotten all about the day ones, just make sure not to give them at the weekend and undo it!

Second update...woke up after about an hour of sleep (which he never does) absolutely distraught. Tried Calpol, songs, cuddles, absolutely nothing worked.

He wanted ANOTHER nighttime bottle! A full 7oz again.

That's 14oz just to go to sleep because he didn't have any bottles during the day.

He wouldn’t have been hungry after having a full dinner, dessert and a full bottle. He didn’t need a bottle an hour later.
He might have been unsettled but he’s 1 not a newborn, you don’t just shove a bottle in his mouth because he’s crying.

He's got you well wrapped round his finger op!

You can say no btw!

I'm surprised his tummy could hold that much milk in one evening.

1 bedtime bottle is fine for now, just make sure his teeth are brushed afterwards and he's not falling asleep on the bottle.

If he's been previously getting most of his calories from milk it will take a few days for him to get used to eating more at meal times.

This first day of no daytime milk. He will learn to eat lunch as hungry - tho agree 11/1130 is early

mini blondes was a 7-7 or 7-8 sleeper from 4mths - lunch was 12 and sleep 1-3 at that age

14oz of milk is crazy - but if he is having tea at nursery at 330/4 and that yes tends to be snacky tea usually so needs another proper tea at home or at least some carbs and protein - porridge made with milk is worried not getting enough

Third Update: DS has just thrown up the vast volumes of milk he has downed in the past few hours?

Why not just drop the morning bottle for now so he can adjust to eating more at each meal over time? I suspect he didn’t eat much at nursery as he isn’t used to doing so. But even so, 2 full bottles at bed after a big meal is odd. If he ate that much he can’t have digested it already, surely?

Trust me, I know my son well. Milk has always been the last option used whenever he is kicking off at night.

Tonight was the first time since he was about 7 months I have needed to do that. This is a baby who has been weaned off night feeds since about 3 months so I know whenever it's a milk cry and whenever it's something else.

There was no chance of that child settling tonight without that bottle. He just must not have felt full enough to go down for the night.

A 1 year old wanting something is not the same as needing it though, he doesn’t need a 7 oz bottle an hour after having a 7 oz bottle. I mean that’s just a crazy amount of volume to allow such a young child to consume.