AIBU to ask nursery to adapt lunch times for DS?

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So our son seems to run on an internal bodyclock more like a teenager than a baby.

He's one and in nursery full time, but on weekends, days off or before my maternity ended, he will go to bed sometime between 7 and 8 and sleep for anywhere from 12-14 hours. Then in the afternoon he'll go down for a nap which could last anywhere from 2-3 hours. He's been on one nap a day since 10 months and consolidating sleep like this since about 4 months.

This is great at weekends as we get a lie in and plenty of time to get stuff done too.

He will normally get his breakfast, at the weekends, sometime between 8 and half 9. Then there'll be a bottle before midday, and then the nap normally starts sometime between 11-12. So he's then having lunch between 2-3, and dinner could be starting as late as 6 if he's had a late day. Even with all that, he'll settle no bother for bedtime by 8 at the latest.

All sounds blissful, and indeed it is.

But nursery caters to the masses, not the unicorns. So firstly, we have to wake him up about an hour earlier than he's ready to, which makes him a bit cranky to start the day. Feed him his breakfast and then he's in nursery by 9.

This is where it all goes pear shaped. They feed them lunch around 11-11.30am. This is, as you can see, up to 3-4 hours earlier than he normally has it. It's also less than an hour after his morning bottle, so he's not hungry, and the end result is he's almost never eating his lunch at nursery.

He'll go down for his nap and they give them a smaller snack around 3ish, which he sometimes takes and sometimes doesn't.

Obviously I know the nursery can't change their entire way of doing things to accommodate one child, nor would I ask them to. But equally, particularly considering he's over one and will soon be weaned off the bottle, it's not going to be viable to have him skip lunch 5 days a week.

Do you think it would be a reasonable accomodation if I asked them to just let him have his lunch during snack time, and to skip that morning lunch feed instead?

He would have his morning bottle to bridge that gap normally though, and happily nap all the way through to the late afternoon, so if he's hungry, he's sleeping through it! He never wakes up crying for food or milk though, so he must be getting enough.

Thanks everyone for the advice. It does sound as though the morning bottle has to go. I will advise nursery to attempt this and see if that makes any difference...

You could ask, but I think you should ideally start to mould a new routine that fits in with his weekday routine at nursery. I appreciate his routine works well for you on the weekends, but that’s only 2 days of the week. I think the other 5 days of the week and getting a decent routine set on those should come first.

Agree with everyone else, unfortunately its much easier to change home schedule to fit nursery. My DD 13 months and she has no daytime milk and hasn't for a while so by lunchtime at 11.30 she's hungry. If she for some reason goes to sleep early they will try and keep some lunch for when she wakes but not always possible.

If you want fully flexible schedules then maybe a childminder would suit better with them having less children?!

Then stop the morning bottle first, then he probably will eat his lunch.

I understood that milk was filling him up, and that is the issue from most of our POV. The gap between breakfast and lunch seems to be far too large. I would have thought he would be better off eating a balanced lunch at an age appropriate time.

My 3 children are teens+ now so my memory is a bit hazy, but isn't 3 bottles a day more than average for a healthy 1 year old?

Do you know if the other nursery children of the same age are having a morning bottle AND eating their lunch ok, or are they maybe instead having a small mid-morning snack before lunch?

I realise you are doing your best and what has worked for you at home so far, but there will be reasons why the nursery feeds them at the times they do, and it won't simply be for their convenience.

Good luck, hopefully you can find the right balance.

🙄

You use the word normal/normally in terms of routine. But his "normal" routine is where he spends most of his days which presumably is nursery? So the home routine has to adjust to the nursery routine not the other way round. I realise you like weekend lie ins. But then you dont synch his routines.

Considering he spends more time in nursery than he does at home, it probably makes more sense for you to change his routine so it’s aligned with the one at nursery.

What time does the nursery open? My kids went to one that opened at half 7, so some kids had left their houses at 7/7.15 to get to nursery for opening. They needed lunch and nursery isn’t going to move it for you. Can you send a more substantial snack?

It sounds like you want nursery to change to your schedule so you can keep your weekend lie ins, but that’s not really how it works with kids. If you work during the week and your kid goes to childcare, then you need to try and keep the time routines at the weekend. You can have a lie in one day each at the weekend.

I can’t imagine they would do this. The food will all be made together, the room will be set up for lunch, having someone supervise a single child later isn’t realistic.
He’s 1, there’s really no need for him to be having a morning bottle. Skip the milk and he will be hungry for food.

Only feeding a 1 year old a bottle of milk between 8am and 3pm just seems completely lazy.

But nursery caters to the masses, not the unicorns

Oh God don't be that parent.

My 3 children are teens+ now so my memory is a bit hazy, but isn't 3 bottles a day more than average for a healthy 1 year old?

Yes, you are right. Our Paediatrician always got quite pushy to get them down to about 350-500 mls around their first birthday as otherwise iron and other deficiencies can creep in and their need for fibre has gone up.

What they take on as milk calories, they won't consume those calories in solids. Two bottles a day will be more than enough OP.

Nope, he's at nursery 5 days a week and the weekend is 2 days a week so ultimately nursery have a huge advantage in imposing their schedule. Our nursery were only allowed to keep a hot lunch for an hour after serving it for health and safety reasons, so DC wouldn't have been allowed to have it mid-afternoon.

How long has he been going there? It would be less confusing for him (if he's going to be going there long term) to try and align your meal timings for him with theirs. I'm afraid. And I say that from first-hand experience.

Does nursery offer breakfast? If so could you get him there a bit earlier so he has breakfast there once he's woken up a bit (maybe just do milk at home before you leave), then ditch the mid-morning bottle. Mine both started nursery at 1 and were down to milk just on first waking and before bed by then.

Appreciate you have a schedule that works for you on the weekends and it will be sad to give it up, but you shouldn't even ask to be honest. They'll have loads of reasons for their schedule and you need to work around it. Having lunch at 2 or 3pm isn't going to work out for them at all, and having children on a schedule is exactly how nurseries operate.

As others have said, he shouldn’t be needing that amount of milk over the age of one.

We were told that bottles are bad for their teeth eventually so when mine turned one, we moved to a Tomee Tipee (do they still have them?) flip spout beaker just night and morning. Mine were both good sleepers and had 2/3 hour naps but I gave them an early lunch and they slept in the afternoon. It sounds like that would work for your little one, and the nursery.

It seems mad that lunch is at 11 - 11.30.

It’s a standard baby/ toddler lunch time. I’ve never heard of a daycare nursery that differs.
Lunch is over by 11:30, leaving time for cleaning up, nappy changing and all down for a nap at 12.

He doesn't need the morning bottle on nursery days, drop that and he'll eat lunch.

Has to be early so everyone can eat, have nappy changes and put to bed ready for adult lunch breaks to start. Nursery is a military operation 😂

Unfortunately nursery can’t cater to schedule differences for 30+ kids. I think it is more usual that parents adapt their home routine to be like nursery so the kids get consistency. I’m confused about you saying you have to get him up early for nursery, wouldn’t you have to do anyway to get to work?

You unfortunately need to change your parenting to suit nursery. While you enjoy your late mornings etc and the fact your child sleeps A LOT of hours the nursery will not be catering to the whims of parents. So whatever is necessary to change your own weekend habits to suit both nursery and child and look into changing from formula also at this age.

You could ask them to save his left over lunch for snack at 3pm. I think that's reasonable

And drop the bottles. He seems to have a lot of formula/ milk

Tbh OP long term the nursery schedule is the one you'll need to work towards anyway - in a few years time when he's 4 and school is looming you can't have him waking at 8. 30, eating breakfast at 9.30 and expecting lunch at 2.30 can you!!
If you aren't careful he's going to really struggle in a few years to adapt to more usual timings - you need to get him up and ready at 7am for the day.