Conversation about breastfeeding…

[Ftm7654]

Hello,

im pregnant with my first child and was speaking to dh about breastfeeding, saying that I think I only want to breastfeed for a few weeks and then probably just express the milk and give it in a bottle. He said he thinks that’s cold and I won’t have a good connection with the baby. He said he thinks women who breastfeed are better mothers and more connected to their babies.

This has made me feel quite down and a bit like he thinks I’ll be a rubbish mum which has upset me. How would you handle discussing this with your spouse without turning it into an argument?

Positive feeding experiences is what you aim for. Wait to see what that would look like for you.

I hated breastfeeding my daughter and I very much felt trapped. She had multiple food allergies and the GP gave up trying to find her a formula after prescribing 3 with one of her allergens in. She had feeding aversions (breast and bottle) caused by severe silent reflux and the allergies.
I breastfeed until 10 months and then we were able to get her on to formula. Most nights it was fine as we had prepared a bottle before we went to bed and she had it about an hour later but if she wanted an unexpected bottle it was then stressful trying to prepare a bottle whilst she was screaming. It was no more or less stressful when we were breastfeeding in identical situations. All in all formula was better than breastfeeding but if I could have managed to combifeed her that would have been a better balance of keeping the positives of both. Being able to give some comfort breastfeeds alongside formula feeding would have helped but that wasn't an option.

My second is 6 months and he was born with a 100% tongue tie and for the 36h couldn't wake for feeds so was formula fed as he couldn't breastfeed and wasn't maintaining his blood sugars. It felt so natural to hold him and give him a bottle. Having that option when breastfeeding wasn't working felt like a privilege. We were able to breastfeed from day 2 but caused a lot of pain from the tie. We had a feeding assessment on day 8 and had his tongue tie release within a few hours most of the pain had gone. Feeding him is a pleasure and so different from my daughter. I was prepared to stop breastfeeding after 6-8 weeks but still going at 6 months.

Fuck him! But also, I said I wasn’t breastfeeding AT ALL, then the little bugger went straight for my boobs and just did it as soon as he was born so I went with it. I know you’re planning on doing anyway, I just mean you might change your mind about stopping if you love it. Weird how our feelings can change at any point but it’s your choice to make not his!

Haha, that was me as well! Was not planning to breastfeed at all and yet ended up doing almost 6 years straight, donated over 200litres of breast milk, became a breastfeeding consultant and wet nursed 😂

I do also very much resonate with @Superscientist hating it and feeling trapped. That was definitely baby number 1 and my experience.

@OP feed your baby how you want and lose the dead weight partner!