Sad my baby will already have 2 smaller cousins

[maria199]

My baby was born in October and when she was born my sister was around 2 months pregnant. My baby is now 4 months old and we have just found out that my husband’s brother & partner are expecting at the end of the year. I am obviously extremely excited and happy for everyone and I can’t wait to be an auntie again, but it has weirdly left me feeling irrational feelings of sadness that my baby will not be the littlest one now on both sides of the family.

My husband does have a nephew but he is 10 and I have a niece but she is 8, so my daughter was the first baby on both sides in a long time. I suppose I just feel a little sad that she will not get any time on her own as such as on both sides of the family there will be little cousins.

I know this is completely irrational and I am surprised at myself for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I don’t know if it’s postpartum hormones, I am still breastfeeding etc. I just wondered if any other mums had weird, irrational feelings like this when their babies were young?

Before people attack me because it seems to happen on here, I am genuinely so happy for both my sister & my husband’s brother (and partners). I am excited that my daughter will have cousins and hopefully friends for life, and I expect she will relish in being the older one! I know that people can have babies whenever they like and it is nothing to do with me, I am just expressing some feeling that has made me surprised and looking for possible comfort that I am not a horrible person or weird and that other mums have had similar things!

I think that being a new mum can make you (quite rightly and understandably) doolally about your own child and how special and perfect they are.

I remember a similar feeling when my sister got pregnant just before I have birth to my eldest (first grandchild). I think it's just an instinct wanting to protect your child and their position in the family. As long as you recognise that you aren't being entirely rational then there's no harm.

Goodness knows we've all done weird things with our babies. I desperately wanted to snatch my child from my mother in law for zero good reason, just that tiger instinct when someone was touching my child. She didn't deserve and fortunately I contained the feeling!!

It takes a few years to gain some perspective, then you'll laugh at yourself I'm sure.

You’re not being horrible or weird. Pregnancy and birth does a real number on us! When I was 4/5 months postpartum my emotions were all over the place and I imagined it’s the same for you too.

Honestly, the feelings will pass and once the new babies are here you will wonder what you were worried about.

For the record, you sound like a lovely mum who really loves her baby.

I got very jealous when SIL announced she was pregnant whilst I was pregnant with DD2. DD and DN are 5 months apart and it’s been great for them both to have each other. I really like SIL so not sure why I felt quite so jealous but I did.

Don’t expect logical reactions to things when you have so many hormones going through you.

my nephew is 6 months younger than my first and I wasn’t happy when my sister announced! But now they are adults and great friends so it worked out well

Having a baby drives all logical thought out of your brain for a while so feeling weird jealousies or upset about things you logically know are fine is very normal.

How lovely that your baby will have cousins so close in age, do you live near each other so they will be able to play together often?

Thank you, it means a lot to hear that I am not the only mum who has felt a bit crazy!

I am really looking forward to her having cousins close in age! I have a lot of cousins but I was the youngest by some margin, so have always felt I missed out on having that bond with them. My sister is also 8 years older than me so I grew up fairly on my own, which I think is another reason I am so surprised I have these feelings! However, I am also really happy my daughter won’t be like me. Hormones really do make your emotions all over the place!

Yes they will be close 😊my sister lives around a 10 minute walk from my house and my brother-in-law is about a 25 minute drive.

Oh god having a baby sends you mental doesnt it!! Don’t worry OP, I’m sure this feeling will wear off. My kids are close in age to their cousins and it’s honestly brilliant. You don’t see them for dust when we get together, they are straight off playing as a gang!

DD was a first grandchild on all sides. By the time she was 4 months old she had a younger cousin and I remember feeling so resentful that she’d have to share Grandad before she was even 6 months old. She’s now 5 and a half and has 8 younger cousins so that ship well & truly sailed, but revels in her status as the “biggest cousin”

I totally felt like this, DD was about 3 months old when SIL announced she was pregnant and my first thought was 'DD won't get one Xmas or birthday as the only grandchild!' Technically she got a Xmas but SIL was pregnant so there was a split focus. DN was born the day before DD's first birthday.

I had my first baby 5 months after my SIL had her first...then she had her 2nd baby 3 months after I had my 2nd! I know what you mean, but it's a good thing. It's lovely for children to have same age cousins to play with on family holidays.

Try and frame it that it’s lovely for your little one to have cousins so close in age to grow up with!

DS was the first baby in either side of our family for 15 years, but his new baby cousin arrived less than a year later. As DS will be an only I’m pleased that he at least has a cousin (apparently also to be an only) in the same age bracket.

Yep I had similar irrational feelings when SIL announced she was pregnant the moment I had DS (and then I did the same to her when she had her third!) But honestly having cousins the same age is absolutely brilliant!

No one cares about an only baby. Your child will massively benefit from having cousins if a similar age. There’s enough love to go around.

I think that being a new mum can make you (quite rightly and understandably) doolally about your own child and how special and perfect they are.

So true. I remember consciously being a little disparaging about my precious first born because I wanted to make the other mothers feel better about having their babies - obviously they would have way preferred to have mine :)

OP your lovely baby doesn't want to have time on her own. What she will want is lots of cousins close in age that she can hang out with at family get togethers.

Blame your hormones; you’ve admitted you’re irrational.

We are the only ones on my husband’s side of the family to have children at all. And on my side, I’m the youngest by a mile so my siblings’ children are much older. We would have loved for them to have cousins of similar ages.

You’re odd.

All my cousins are men between 10-20 years older than me. It really sucks! Nice as they are.

I would've loved cousins close to my age to play with/hang out with. You should embrace that your child will.

I found it quite weird I could only socialise with them once I was an adult and by that time they had their own families and no interest in being my friend. So honestly I think it's a positive thing for your child.

You’re not odd.

We have lots of babies born in very quick succession on both sides of our families but I didn’t ever feel like this. However, the reason I never felt like this is that one of my siblings had the first grandchild but the baby was born prematurely and did not survive. I don’t mean to be morbid or dramatic, but this completely changed my perspective. After this, we always just felt grateful. Perspective is everything I guess. Saying that hormones are very powerful.

Also, I have always strongly felt like whilst my babies were important to me, they are not more important to anyone else. And this doesn’t really bother me.

I felt exactly like this when my SIL announced they were expecting their second when my second was 9 months old. I knew I was being 100% irrational and I never said a word to a soul but it was a very real feeling.
we now have 4 between us and they are all so close and it's been so lovely that they are all really close in age and have grown up together, built in best friends for life.

My sister announced she was pregnant with her second about 2 weeks after I had my first and it didn’t bother me but at the same time I do understand where you are coming from. Realistically though every child is a complete blessing in a family and it makes zero difference

I remember being extremely relieved that my sister was having a boy just after I had my daughter.

It was early covid and no one met my girl for months before my sister was pregnant again and I was so worried she wouldn't get her moment.

There is 8 grandsons + only one grand daughter.

She's older now and I so wish she had girl cousins to play with!

But you are not alone.

No judgement cos I did plenty of nuts stuff myself.

But I can promise you, cousin relationships are to be cherished.

It’s probably your hormones. Cos this really is a non-issue. Try to focus on and be grateful that all the babies are happy and healthy. This really isn’t important in the grand scheme of things

I would blame hormones and breastfeeding. Go back on your prenatal vitamins as that helps. I was so broody with each of my newborns. I was even in the postnatal ward telling everyone I wanted a baby ( all four times!) While holding my newborns.

Don̈t feel guilty. It's not rational and I'm sure 6 months down the line this feeling will be gone. Like me wanting a newborn..... while I had a newborn. I was so broody. It passed.

You’ve lost your mind, OP. I assume sleeplessness. It will come back. The other babies are not going to be clawing familial love away from your baby with their tiny fists. There’s plenty to go round.