Sad my baby will already have 2 smaller cousins

[maria199]

My baby was born in October and when she was born my sister was around 2 months pregnant. My baby is now 4 months old and we have just found out that my husband’s brother & partner are expecting at the end of the year. I am obviously extremely excited and happy for everyone and I can’t wait to be an auntie again, but it has weirdly left me feeling irrational feelings of sadness that my baby will not be the littlest one now on both sides of the family.

My husband does have a nephew but he is 10 and I have a niece but she is 8, so my daughter was the first baby on both sides in a long time. I suppose I just feel a little sad that she will not get any time on her own as such as on both sides of the family there will be little cousins.

I know this is completely irrational and I am surprised at myself for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I don’t know if it’s postpartum hormones, I am still breastfeeding etc. I just wondered if any other mums had weird, irrational feelings like this when their babies were young?

Before people attack me because it seems to happen on here, I am genuinely so happy for both my sister & my husband’s brother (and partners). I am excited that my daughter will have cousins and hopefully friends for life, and I expect she will relish in being the older one! I know that people can have babies whenever they like and it is nothing to do with me, I am just expressing some feeling that has made me surprised and looking for possible comfort that I am not a horrible person or weird and that other mums have had similar things!

You’re viewing this all wrong. Your baby will have cousins their own age - all your family events will be easier because everyone is at the same parenting stage and your babies are much more likely to be friends when they are older. It’s wonderful!

Meanwhile I’m sad for my nearly 8 year old niece that she doesn’t have any cousins her own age!

Sounds to me like a reminder your baby isnt quite so tiny anymore, I had a good old cry packing away the swaddle Muslins the other day. Its all normal - we just want to freeze time and soak it all up. Reminders that time is marching on can be really hard!

Perhaps it's some sort of remnant evolutionary instinct about being aware of resources and wanting your offspring to benefit from more potential caregivers... I don't know but I'm sure it will pass when the babies arrive.

On one level yes it's totally bonkers but on another totally normal. Just bite your tongue until the madness passes.

Aah OP ignore the nasty comments. In time you will realise that your little one has cousins close in age will be brilliant for her.
My grandchildren are very unlikely to have cousins for a long time and that really bothers me. Just enjoy and try not to worry.X

I won’t condemn you, but I don’t really understand it. I was always delighted at the thought of the family growing.

As your child grows up, you may take enormous pleasure in their joy at having other little ones around the same age to play with. Family events will be more fun. Adults - even beloved grandparents - will be much less exciting to your kid than other family children. When your baby is old enough to show its feelings and affections, you will see what I mean.

One of my best memories is seeing three small backs sitting almost on top of each other holding hands on a pouffe watching a Noddy Christmas movie and my sister and cousin and I grinning at each other and saying can you believe that these are our babies all together.

Bear in mind that one day hopefully far distant your child’s parents will no longer be here - her peers - her cousins etc will be. It’s good to have family of your own generation.

Yeah - that's irrational! But, as people said, baby-brain can do funny things to a person.

I'd just be delighted he'll have similar age cousins. I grew up with zero first cousins and no cousins anywhere near my age. I'm very happy my kids have 5 first cousins close in age to them.

My sister was not happy when I told her I was 3 months pregnant with my second & she was 6 months pregnant with her first, she ignored my message so you’re not alone

I did this too! I felt so sorry for the other mother's from our NCT group who didn't have a baby as perfect or beautiful as my daughter.
😂😂😂
Postpartum is the ultimate wild ride!!!

It's natural to feel this way but trust me it's a blessing your bub will have cousins close in age. Much more important for them to have friends to get into mischief with than have extended baby of the family shine. Which, gently, is more about the mum getting all the lovely attention than the baby who couldn't care less.

Ah I understand OP. My sister announced she was pregnant (over halfway) literally the week I went back to work after my maternity leave. It really shook me and made me sad, my dd had just started going to my parents' a couple of days a week for childcare and I knew my sister would want that too, so i was worried it would be harder for my DD etc. Also my sister was such a doting auntie and it was just getting to the point where she probably would have started wanting to take my daughter out on her own sometimes etc and then I knew that wouldn't happen.

BUT my dd and my sister's little one are now the very best of friends, so even though you feel rattled, chances are this will be a really positive thing for you and your baby :)

I am excited that my daughter will have cousins
Strange thing to get excited about?

Your baby will be the first of the three out of the terrible twos and will forever seem more mature and trustworthy in the eyes of the older generation! These little cousins will have a lot to live up to!

My baby is also being “replaced” as the youngest in a few months. The other baby’s dad seems more preoccupied about “having the youngest” than I am. It seems to matter to some people.

First world problems

Ahh hopefully they will be close, my siblings children and mine are close in age and they have a special relationship, more like bothers and sisters than cousins. The eldest of them all is not mine and he is like the leader of the pack, they all look up to him and he also gets to do everything first. He has the coolest toys first and they all follow for example.. if he likes it, they like it.. being the eldest in a group of tight knit cousins is pretty cool for your baby.

My DD has a cousin 3 weeks older than her and another 3 weeks younger. My MIL went from having one GC to having 4 in the space of 6 weeks. It was all a bit crazy but 20 years on my DD loves having cousins the same age.

It’s the absolute dream to have cousins all around the same age. Family events are great because the kids play together and it gives the adults a break. The fact that she’s ‘not the littlest’ won’t matter a jot.

Prince Harry for example says that is what he misses for his own children, despite all his moaning about being in the royal family he has treasured memories of bombing around the palaces with his cousins (who he grew up with and was still close with). It’s a lovely thing for children.

I was the one pissing people off in this scenario. My eldest DC and eldest DN are 6 months apart. SIL was distraught about thunder stealing. Which incidentally, she did to me by scheduling her wedding for 9 months before mine so she could be 1st. I did not care.

Then they announced their younger DC’s arrival, not realising I was already pregnant. The little two are two weeks apart.

The DC are all great friends, so all is well these days - a decade and divorce later

Yes, your feelings are irrational. But feelings often are, especially around pregnancies. It's ok.

FWIW I come from a large family - I grew up with more than 30 first cousins within a decade of my age and most of us have 3-8 of our own as adults now - and am firmly of the opinion that having cousins close in age is better than having siblings 😂Aside from having playmates, it's nice from the parenting side to have others in the same stage when it comes to planning events and such. Being the only one planning around naps/early bedtime or thinking about whether a spread includes things small children will eat or coming up with ideas to keep a toddler entertained and alive in a given setting makes it feel like much more of a fuss.

When my DD was born she had a female cousin about 8 months older then she was only the baby for 8 months before another of my sister's has a DD after previously having 3 boys. I wasn't exactly jealous but I did feel like her younger female cousin got made a lot of fuss over her. My DD and her younger cousin were so close all through their childhoods and now as adults they shared a maternity wardrobe. Their own DC are close in age and they are extremely tight. Now I'm so glad they are close in age because my other 2 DC are boys and they are close with each other but often seem to leave DD out, so it's great she has her cousin.

Agree with everyone who has said it is hormones and irrational (as you know). It will pass.

I grew up without any cousins (I have some now, but they are 20 years younger than me). My kids have had a very different experience - cousins on both sides of the family; 8 kids in total with 7 of them born within two and a half years of each other. There have definitely been some tricky moments within the relationships/dynamics with parenting differences, grandparental attention etc etc, but they have been totally overshadowed by all the fantastic times they've had together - big things like holidays and small things like hanging out on a rainy afternoon. They are young adults now - my eldest is on holiday next week and is going on a tour visiting the other cousins at university. They are so lucky to have those relationships.

The other thing that has been great is the relationships between our generation have definitely strengthened as a result. (We liked each other anyway!) My sister's first child was born six weeks after my first child and our younger kids are in the same school year. We have gained so much from doing it all together.

You're not unreasonable at all OP. When I was announcing my pregnancy with DD ( first child on my side, 7th on DHs side of the family ) DHs brother announced the day before. When we did the next day we were very much an afterthought. We had people saying X is pregnant, not you, and we were correcting them with "no, us too"! I was really upset.

I am way older (10 plus years) than all my cousins and we don’t really have much of a relationship so cousins the same age will be great.

OP, this is the most important message on here I think.

It’s probably some vestigial tribal feeling from cave days. You want to protect the resources for your infant and more infants means more competition or something.