Am I too soft?

[BeCosyMauveCrab]

We were driving home from visiting my parents. My husband was already a bit overwhelmed, the kids were being plums, his mum had been nagging him. Mid journey (5 hours) our eldest (13 b) starts moaning, being mean to his bother. He gets warned, doesn’t listen, gets warned, doesn’t listen, looses his iPad. He then proceeds to blow his nose into his hand and wipe it on the back on my seat.

my husband got very angry. He pulled off the motor way, got son out of the car and shouted at him. Nothing abusive, just how it was unacceptable behaviour, he expected better, his attitude is not acceptable and it he wants to continue being driven places he needs to respect other people’s property (it’s also a new car!). Lots of finger wagging and gesturing, loud shouting for about 30 seconds.

I felt like my husband was over the top, but I’m in the middle of dealing with severe anxiety and I don’t know if it’s more that his shouting triggered me.

once back in the car, after 10 minutes husband reached back and squeezed sons hand, told him he loved him and asked if he was ready to behave. Son said yes and got his tablet back. My husband does tend to fly off the handle, but he connects after and repairs. Am I being too soft? Did he actually handle it pretty well?

I think he handled it very well. I would've lost my shit at a 13 year old wiping snot on my cars seats! He's way too old for such disgusting behaviour.

Yeah I’d have lost my shit too at that age - he’s 13 not 5 and I shouted at my 5 year olds for wiping snot on my 15 year old crappy car

I’m team husband, sounds like your son was being a brat and got a deserved bollocking 🤷‍♀️

Yes you’re too soft. You think it’s acceptable to wipe snot all over a seat at 13 years old??

Unless you’re going to drip feed that your ds has a disability, your DH handled it well. It does sounds like you’re too ‘soft’

Did anyone make him clean it up? That’s absolutely disgusting behaviour that I wouldn’t tolerate from my two year old. Your husband was right to tell him it was unacceptable.

I’m definitely too soft! Thanks everyone. I was feeling really anxious that day and I think my judgement was off. I didn’t question him, and I backed him in front of the kids.

Another one who is team DH.

He handled that well. Your son was being a brat. He is 13 not 3!

Dealing with it straight away, pulling over, and letting him know firmly that his behaviour is unacceptable is spot on and exactly what my DH would have done in the same situation. Then afterwards, its over, no grudges and sulking from either and its behind us.

Good for him.

Team DH and he needs a serious punishment not just 30 seconds of being told off.

I wouldn't have given the iPad back for a long while!

Why do you think you're too soft OP?

Team DH … but he wouldn’t have got his tablet back that quickly!

13! And acting like a petulant toddler. He absolutely needed telling and it sounds like DH did a good job, pulled over to keep everyone safe and then repaired the relationship afterwards.

Totally agree. It just teaches kids to take the 30 second bollocking on the chin because they'll get what they want very soon, as if nothing ever happened. They just learn to play the game, say sorry and continue as was.

That's is digusting and unacceptable behaviour from a 13 year old and it’s disrespectful. I’d have pulled off the motorway too and bollocked him, he’d also have been thoroughly cleaning his mess up before we went any further. The iPad wouldn't be reappearing time soon either. I think you’re both too soft, that behaviour simply wouldn’t be tolerated in our house.

See I'm not into the shouting and wagging the finger in anyone's face for thirty seconds, if I'm looking at a continuing relationship with them.

Flying off the handle is less than ideal OP, I'm with you, snot or no snot.

I think he handled it fine, but just need to say that this is not what the hard shoulder of the motorway is for!

Dangerous and stressful when you are the driver. Agree with husband. Why didn't you swap and you drive when my dgks were a lot younger and argued in the back of the car, I swapped places with one of them.

It wasn’t the hard shoulder, he found a quiet lane to go down

That is absolutely disgusting. He wouldn’t have had the iPad back for the rest of the journey if it was me in charge. I don’t know that I’d have got out and shouted as it’s not really my nature but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it after doing something so completely gross and disrespectful. He’d definitely have been the one cleaning it, and spending the rest of the journey looking out of the window.

That’s disgusting behaviour from a 13 YO. I’d react the same as your husband.

Team husband. The snot thing is just gross and, at 13, he would know it's not acceptable. I would have made him clear it up, and his tablet would not have been given back so readily.

You are far, far too soft. That was absolutely disgusting behaviour from someone far too old to behaving like that. He's 13, not a toddler.

I'm surprised your DH backed down so quickly.

I wouldn't have given him his ipad back either, unbelievable behaviour from a 13 year old.

You are far too soft and tbh so is your DH!

Yes. You are too soft. Your husband isn’t. He dealt with it how I would have dealt with it.