To ask what your child was like at 3.5 years old if they now have a diagnosis of ADHD...

[HonestBlueRobin]

Just that really... my 2nd child.. 3.5 years... have suspected for quite a while he has ADHD.. I know its too young to have him referred.. and I am aware some toddler behaviour can mimic ADHD behaviours... and so, if your child/children have a diagnosis of ADHD now.. did you see it when they were younger and if so, how?

Hi! HonestBLueRobin, how are you? I just wanted to ask how your child is doing. Relating a lot and just struggling right now. X

At the time I had no suspicions (didn’t really know what adhd was) but looking back at that age he

had developed food issues
was hyper focused on toys like dinosaurs and Thomas the tank engine
ran around a lot / tons of energy
was a nightmare at bedtime- screaming etc
was a runner and needed reins when outdoors or would run into traffic

Feral. He was feral then, and he’s feral now at nearly 10.

At 3.5 he couldn’t focus on a single thing. I want that toy, no I don’t I want tickles, no I don’t I want to tear that book up, no I don’t I want to climb out of my window, no I don’t I want to jump in that stream.

His impulse control was close to zero. iPads thrown downstairs, in the bath, at people.

He ate exclusively lasagne, and slept for 0.5hrs a week (or that’s how it felt). He would get up at 3am, every day, and then wonder why the park wasn’t waiting for him.

He does now sit down, provided there’s an iPad involved. He’ll play for 5mins before he changes focus. He’s still usually on the move, even if it’s just walking backwards and towards singing to himself.

I’m also following with interest as I have a 2.5-year-old daughter and have been wondering about some similar things myself. I know it’s far too early to know at this age though

Its very difficult... I ended up paying for a private paediatrician to see him, they basically said, highly suggestive adhd but obviously cannot give him a diagnosis at this age. Im paying private for play therapy to see if itll help with his emotions. Hes just started nursery. Its extremely difficult... what are you experiencing. Feel free to privately message me x

He also said he wouldn't meet the threshold for ASD assessment. Which I was more concerned it was ADHD... ive had no support to be honest... NHS paeds have rejected him 3x... support hubs have been no help... im still awaiting parenting groups unfortunately waiting lists are so long.

At 3.5 they were really difficult. Always needed A LOT of engagement, could never play independently, frequent meltdowns. A very ‘intense’ child. But also very curious, clever and loving. Extremely confident and socialable. Gets on better with adults though and always has so making friends has been difficult. Now a few years older they have mellowed down somewhat (maybe not as ‘intense’) but still needs loads and loads of active play. Way more than I have the energy for! I can also mitigate the ‘big feelings’ now by ensuring they feel understood (even if it’s unreasonable) and we can work through it easier. We saw an OT which helped massively, too. We only just got an diagnosis now after we had quite a few challenges at school and to access support an assessment was required. It was all funded for privately though (not in the uk).

I find it so hard to seperate ADHD signs and ASD signs. I know ASD and adhd very frequently co-exist in a person but how do you know what is what? How do you know what is adhd poor emotion regulation vs autism poor emotion regulation. How do you know if someone has adhd but not ASD and vice versa?

My 5 year old DS has an ASD diagnosis and he has all the behaviour mentioned in this thread. I imagine we will seek an adhd assessment privately when he’s old enough.

sorry if that doesn’t make much sense. I’m typing this whilst hoovering and my son is throwing magnet tiles across the room 😬

@numberblocks54321I’ve thought about this too and I’ve just asked ChatGPT because my brain isnt functioning today. This is what is said simply:

ADHD mainly affects a person’s ability to regulate their attention, impulses, activity levels and emotions, whereas autism (ASD) mainly affects how a person understands and interacts with the social world, as well as how they cope with sensory input, change and routines. They can look similar because both can involve sensory issues, strong emotions, intense interests and social difficulties, but with ADHD these difficulties are usually linked more to attention and impulsivity, while with autism there are more consistent differences in social communication and understanding.

DS isn't diagnosed yet, just starting the process now but his nurse is very confident he has it. I remember him being an easy toddler but tbf my comparison was his big sister who was an absolute nightmare, big tantrums but they were all solved with a cuddle (though when he was under about 2 years old he couldn't bear to be cuddled) but the thing that concerned me then was that he seemed to not understand much. We went to a toddler gymnastics class and all the other kids followed the instructions while he just wandered around doing his own thing, no matter how many times I tried to help him join in he'd just run off and do laps of the hall. When he went to nursery they told me that he wasn't following instructions there either, not deliberately as he was well behaved but he just didn't seem to understand or listen to them. In a group he'd watch the other children and copy them. Nursery did some interventions to help him which did help, he does listen and understand more now though he still has to be redirected fairly often.

I also had to give up on little kickers football as DS just did laps of the hall! I was in awe of the three year olds that would sit and listen, wait for their turn etc. It was like observing a dog in a room of cats - completely different species!

The climbing and the use of anything and everything as a kind of gymnastic prop - that before you saw this happen, your adult mind would never have had any concept of (e.g. that supermarket fitting) being a massive monkey bar/ somersault temptation. Possibly trying to do completely unintuitive things in playgrounds (see saws and swings). Usually knowing no fear at all about this aspect, although instantly freaked out by other things you would never expect, such as hand dryers and things out of kilter like bent or non-functioning details on lego minifigures.

In some cases, philosophical about taking punishment (in this case, standing by the headteacher's door for break times - school's preferred approach). Would rather do that every day and move on than let the penny drop to take a lesson or deterrent from it.

DD1 diagonsed 18 - inattentive ADHD - DS on pathway to diagonsis - schools insited both were fine and there was nothing . College though DD1 had ASD but wnet though process at uni and they said no.

Nether have the implusliveness as teens - though did when younger I think - but inattenive more focus and organisation issues. Both have sleep issues - DS worse.

DD1 at 3.5 was at nursury - knew place and staff for years - was happier in recption which she was just 4 - late aug birthday - quiet often thought of as older than she was and considered bright child.

Both have poor interoception think it the hyper focus kicking in - so toilet training aorund then was terrible - went on and on. It was a shock when youngest just did it within a week or so.

Lots of trantrums/melydown when overwhlemed - but they went on till around 9 or so - we were outside and walking a lot could sit still and hyper focus also kept food diary so knew which food set DD1 - an orageage food dye mostly - off and they were with me so not so clear there were issues.

Nephew sister child has dad with ADHD as well - clasic outbrusts implusiveness - in childcare cause sister had to work everyone agree he likely has it - spent most of last year out of school as they couldn't cope - they are still waiting to get near diagosntic pathway.

how do you know what is what? How do you know what is adhd poor emotion regulation vs autism poor emotion regulation.

Does it matter overly? Remember the diagnostic labels are really just a shorthand so that everyone dealing with the child knows what is what (and even that doesn't always quite work TBF). A diagnosis can never fully encapsulate a child because they are still a unique person and will have their own traits, quirks and so on. Also ADHD and ASD can and often do co-occur.

A diagnosis is a starting point and can help you find relevant information and meet up with others who are experiencing similar things but it is not the whole story. Don't stress overly - look up resources about emotional regulation support and try things out to see what helps. x

I mentioned it on the thread earlier but I REALLY love the Conscious Discipline resources as they are excellent for emotional regulation etc. The idea is they teach the adult the skills first and the adult can teach the skills to the child. Just really simple and brilliant.