I have a 4 yo and a 5 (almost 6) yo. Both boys. I also have a super overloaded nervous system. Set a side all the childhood and life trauma the past 6 years some of the things I've had to deal with have been:
- Serious burn out due to studies
- Pregancy and birth during lockdown
- Going NC with mentally ill mother who I've supported for years (only abuse back)
- Giving birth to 2nd child. Almost bled to death during labour. Surgery.
- My son has a severe undiscovered disability and illness. Surgery and 5 weeks in intensive care.
- Partner with severe trauma reaction. Including drinking and disappearing on nights out to "be able to breathe"
- 4 years of fighting with hospitals etc, about our son untill we are referred and now have a specialist who confirms and takes care of all the medical concerns I had about my son.
- Partner has a breakdown in november (before another surgery of our son), takes a 2 week vacation. Starts therapy.
- I'm ill with the flu for 1.5 months over the holidays.
- January: Partner decides after and arguement that he is tired of the arguements, and the state of our and breaks up. No mention of the 4 year crisis. Rents the large expensive apartment that we had been talking about moving into as a family. Oh yeah and he is the sole breadwinner of the family (I took care of our son).
SO. My youngest steals the oldest toy. The oldest hits the youngest. The youngest hits back. The olderst claws the youngest in the face. I loose it completely and yells at my olderst for a few minutes, who is so upset. He starts trowing things, runs to his room, locks himself in by accident, cries for me because he is terrified.
I pour myself half a glass of wine, empties it, helps him out of the room, and we both end up crying in a heap on the floor. All 3 of us.
I feel like my life is a shit show.