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Original poster

I'm too affectionate with my baby?

113 replies

Babooah · 24/02/2026 15:13

For a little context my mum was never affectionate. I have no memories of her ever hugging or kissing me (or my siblings) as a child, teenager or as an adult. She would write Love Mum in birthdays cards, but has never said I love you out loud. I don't even have memories of her saying she loved my dad or any past boyfriends. Apparently her parents were affectionate towards each other and to her and her sister if that matters.

She hated being touched in general.

My sister is very similar to her where she never kisses or hugs any of her children. I have never seen her play with her children. She has 6 children (4 years old to 15 years old). She acts more like a babysitter than their mum.

As I grew up, I felt very uncomfortable whenever someone gave me a hug. Especially if it was a woman. Now I still feel uncomfortable, but it feels more 'natural'.

I have a baby boy who is 6 months old. I want him to feel loved, so I give him hugs and kisses (cheeks, forehead and the top of his head) whenever I can. He could be sitting on my lap, playing with a toy, drinking from his bottle, napping etc and I will try and give him a hug or a kiss as much as possible. I also say I love you to him.

A friend came over the other day and commented that I am always hugging and kissing my baby and said I'm too affectionate towards him.

Can you be too affectionate towards a baby?

OP posts:
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ThankYouNigel · 25/02/2026 20:07

It is so lovely you are cuddling and kissing your baby, you carry on and enjoy every beautiful, affectionate moment together! (I’m still like this with my 7 and 4 year olds, I tell them mummies and daddies never run out of cuddles, you have one whenever you want 🥰)

springtome · 25/02/2026 20:45

My 18 year old son will still give me a big bear hug as does my nearly 17 year old sister. At 47 I’m still told by my mum she loves me. You can’t ever be too affectionate to your children. You can, as you have experienced, not show enough.

Nearly50omg · 25/02/2026 20:52

Your friend has issues and also is a very rude person! Spouting shit like that!

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Nearly50omg · 25/02/2026 20:57

Babooah · 25/02/2026 20:03

Hi everyone!

I have been trying to read through the comments before replying.

Thank you for the lovely comments :)
I'm sorry to hear that others had similar experiences growing up ❤️

My mum and sister haven't been diagnosed with autism and no one in my close family or more distant family members (as far as I know) have been diagnosed with autism.

My friend doesn't have children, but she has said she wants some n the future.

I did ask her what she meant and she said because of how many times I'm hugging and kissing him when I'm playing with him or just holding him.

For a few examples, when we play peek-a-boo, I say "There you are!" and give him kisses and he giggles and gives me big smiles in return. Another game we play is a game I call taxes and I say to him "Oh no! You haven't paid your taxes today and immediately his smiles grows because he knows what is going to happen. I say a number and give that number of kisses and then I say to him he gets a random number of kisses back as a tax return and he loves it. Sometimes when I'm just holding him and he looks up at me and just smiles, I give him a kiss on his forehead or his cheek.

I said to her that he may hate them when he's older, but at the moment my son enjoys the hugs and kisses and I don't think you can hug or kiss a baby too much. She didn't say anything afterwards.

I think it just made me feel like I'm doing something wrong and somehow I'm failing him. However, when I had a midwife appointment or when I had him in hospital, every midwife and nurse said how much they love being affectionate with their babies when they were little and how you couldn't spoil your baby with too much affection. I had a doctor's appointment for myself the other week and the doctor commented on how much my son loves me with how he was 'talking' to me and smiling with each interaction I had with him.

I have had random men and women say how much they missed their children being his age before they became moody teenagers (their words) who feel too old for hugs and kisses from their parents. Almost every single one of them would say how to enjoy the time with him being a baby because he will grow up to be an adult before you know it.

When I was younger and I heard a friend's mum or dad say I love to them I remember thinking what a weird to say and then think how I want someone to say I love you to me. When their parents hugged or kissed them I felt the way, but I also felt terrified of the idea of someone touching me in that way and whenever I would be hugged, I could feel myself tensing up and a feeling of flight or fight. Some people would comment on how tense I would be when hugged.

I think because of how I grew up, I hated the idea of him feeling the way even for a second and I did worry about when I had him if I would be able to hold him, but thankfully, it felt natural and it still does whenever I hug or kiss him.

I don't want him to feel unloved.

You sound like a fantastic mum and your baby is very happy and settled and knows he’s very much loved which is what every child should feel 😊 my teenagers still come and have a cuddle and a kiss and even a snuggle up on the sofa with me
sometimes when we are watching a film and are very happy kind considerate and grounded people and I believe that being told I love them and lots of hugs and kisses from day 1 and also talking to them even when they couldn’t talk is the reason 🥰 Your doctor sounds like a lovely person too as that’s such a lovely thing to say :)

Sensiblesal · 25/02/2026 23:55

Well done on breaking the cycle!!

carry on OP cos one day the baby will be an awkward tween/teen & won’t want any of that

rockinrobins · 26/02/2026 07:19

What exactly does your friend think is going to happen to your son as a result of being loved too much? 😕

Onefortheroad25 · 26/02/2026 08:21

You can’t be too affectionate! Your friend is an ass. I’m still affectionate with mine and they are mostly grown up. I’ll never stop hugging ds21!

MumOf4totstoteens · 26/02/2026 12:00

I wonder if your mum and sister have some kind of hidden neurodivergence. Anyway, there’s no such thing as “too affectionate” unless your baby grows up and says no or pushes you away. It’s between you and your child to learn what is enough. It’s no one else’s business and I’d tell your friend that too. Nip it in the bud now before she starts telling you what to feed him etc.

poke955 · 26/02/2026 12:19

I had a similar unbringing and my mum regretting not hugging us more. That was just the culture at the time. I think she wants more hugs now but unfortunately i feel too awkward to give them. Fortunately over she gets them from my kid cos i hug him lots. You can't hug your kids too much.

LarrySherbert · 26/02/2026 12:36

You can't show your precious baby too much affection. I have six children, now adults in their 20s and 30s and they will all happily give me a hug still. You love on your baby as much as you want!

pilates · 26/02/2026 12:40

Nothing wrong with what you’re doing I was the same. Enjoy your baby.

Fearlesssloth · 27/02/2026 07:41

Babooah · 25/02/2026 20:03

Hi everyone!

I have been trying to read through the comments before replying.

Thank you for the lovely comments :)
I'm sorry to hear that others had similar experiences growing up ❤️

My mum and sister haven't been diagnosed with autism and no one in my close family or more distant family members (as far as I know) have been diagnosed with autism.

My friend doesn't have children, but she has said she wants some n the future.

I did ask her what she meant and she said because of how many times I'm hugging and kissing him when I'm playing with him or just holding him.

For a few examples, when we play peek-a-boo, I say "There you are!" and give him kisses and he giggles and gives me big smiles in return. Another game we play is a game I call taxes and I say to him "Oh no! You haven't paid your taxes today and immediately his smiles grows because he knows what is going to happen. I say a number and give that number of kisses and then I say to him he gets a random number of kisses back as a tax return and he loves it. Sometimes when I'm just holding him and he looks up at me and just smiles, I give him a kiss on his forehead or his cheek.

I said to her that he may hate them when he's older, but at the moment my son enjoys the hugs and kisses and I don't think you can hug or kiss a baby too much. She didn't say anything afterwards.

I think it just made me feel like I'm doing something wrong and somehow I'm failing him. However, when I had a midwife appointment or when I had him in hospital, every midwife and nurse said how much they love being affectionate with their babies when they were little and how you couldn't spoil your baby with too much affection. I had a doctor's appointment for myself the other week and the doctor commented on how much my son loves me with how he was 'talking' to me and smiling with each interaction I had with him.

I have had random men and women say how much they missed their children being his age before they became moody teenagers (their words) who feel too old for hugs and kisses from their parents. Almost every single one of them would say how to enjoy the time with him being a baby because he will grow up to be an adult before you know it.

When I was younger and I heard a friend's mum or dad say I love to them I remember thinking what a weird to say and then think how I want someone to say I love you to me. When their parents hugged or kissed them I felt the way, but I also felt terrified of the idea of someone touching me in that way and whenever I would be hugged, I could feel myself tensing up and a feeling of flight or fight. Some people would comment on how tense I would be when hugged.

I think because of how I grew up, I hated the idea of him feeling the way even for a second and I did worry about when I had him if I would be able to hold him, but thankfully, it felt natural and it still does whenever I hug or kiss him.

I don't want him to feel unloved.

You sound like an amazing mum, and all the more so for being able to overcome your own loveless childhood and provide your son with the love you didn’t get. Your friend has no idea what it feels like to have your own baby and just how obsessed you are with them when they come along! I wouldn’t take any notice of her and just tell her she’ll understand if she has kids one day. Please don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing anything wrong. You’re absolutely not. Keep kissing and hugging that baby!!

SpringSe · 28/02/2026 09:17

Everything you are doing is totally normal and wonderful. My nearly 9 year old is super affectionate with me and her little sister and I know it’s because she’s been raised with affection. At our recent parent teacher meeting, her male teacher commented on how he can see she comes from a loving house, it was such an unexpected comment but it was so lovely.

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