I'm too affectionate with my baby?

[Babooah]

For a little context my mum was never affectionate. I have no memories of her ever hugging or kissing me (or my siblings) as a child, teenager or as an adult. She would write Love Mum in birthdays cards, but has never said I love you out loud. I don't even have memories of her saying she loved my dad or any past boyfriends. Apparently her parents were affectionate towards each other and to her and her sister if that matters.

She hated being touched in general.

My sister is very similar to her where she never kisses or hugs any of her children. I have never seen her play with her children. She has 6 children (4 years old to 15 years old). She acts more like a babysitter than their mum.

As I grew up, I felt very uncomfortable whenever someone gave me a hug. Especially if it was a woman. Now I still feel uncomfortable, but it feels more 'natural'.

I have a baby boy who is 6 months old. I want him to feel loved, so I give him hugs and kisses (cheeks, forehead and the top of his head) whenever I can. He could be sitting on my lap, playing with a toy, drinking from his bottle, napping etc and I will try and give him a hug or a kiss as much as possible. I also say I love you to him.

A friend came over the other day and commented that I am always hugging and kissing my baby and said I'm too affectionate towards him.

Can you be too affectionate towards a baby?

Seeing you being so affectionate with your baby is activating something very painful for your friend. She may not even be consciously aware of it. That's really sad, but it's not your problem to fix

You obviously have a deep impulse to cuddle and kiss and hold your baby, and that's a really lovely and very healthy thing for both of you, so please carry on and enjoy it!

There’s no such thing as too affectionate to your own baby/child! What an odd thing to say

@Babooah
I wasn't hugged as a child, I ended up not being comfortable being touched.

When I had DD, now 37, I constantly hugged, touched and told her I loved her, I didn't want her to grow up like me (feeling unloved/unlovable)

I still hug and kissed her now and tell her I love her.

My baby DGson, hes getting it from me too 😂 I literally can't stop loving on him, luckily hes only coming up to 2yrs old and he doesn't have any "boundaries" yet 😉

Imo you can't be too affectionate, especially to a baby, you keep on keeping on, lucky baby ❤️

Your friend is a wierdo. Carry on as you are OP, you sound like a great mum. To be honest, I'm surprised my DS actually grew any hair the amount I kissed his head when he was a baby/toddler and it never did him any harm. He's 23 now and although obv I dont kiss his head anymore, we still tell each other love you, every single day.

Your friend is just plain wrong - you can't kiss or cuddle your baby too much! I kissed and cuddled all mine and now they're all grown men, they're still very affectionate and give me hugs but now they're twice the size of me! I still kiss them on the forehead or cheek often and tell them I love them. It's sad that your mum and sister are not affectionate but great that you're comfortable kissing & cuddling your little one ❤️

And as your children get older keep offering hugs! Sure, respect their boundaries and wishes. But it’s a bad thing if teens are deprived of all affection/ hugs because they are older kids. I sometimes think that it’s the need for physical affection that drives some kids into sexual relationships too young - when all they really need is a familial no- strings hug!

Love your baby and show as much love as you can with kisses and cuddles whenever they want them .
My mum is a bit of a cold fish and never shows much affection or love, I’m 61 and it still hurts when she shrugs me off when I hug her . I’ve brought up 3 children who still love cuddles and kisses in their 20’s and 30’s and my 8 year old granddaughter is a real cuddle monster who’s always up for a kiss and cuddle 🥰

Your baby your rules. It’s fine.

@EvelynBeatrice I believe what you say to be true , i always looked for affection in boyfriends and did believe that sex brought that . I’m lucky now that my husband is very affectionate and loves kisses and cuddles without the sex .

She's talking rubbish. Not possible to spoil a child with affection. Enjoy every minute of it x

Nothing wrong with showing affection for your children. My sons are 20 and 17 and I tell them I love them on a regular basis. Hugs are more awkward as they are taller than me and I only reach their armpits 🤣

Your friend is a knob.

Your DM sounds very similar to mine and I didn’t want that for my DC either. Ot sounds as though you’re doing brilliantly, just carry on as you are and ignore your “D”Friend

I had a very similar upbringing.

I have been affectionate to my two DS’s. I told them I loved them every day since the day they were born, at least a couple of times a day (and definitely always at bed time), along with hugs and kisses, a reassuring hand hold etc. I never wanted them to feel it wasn’t something appropriate or something not done. They are 29 and 27 now and we still embrace on hello’s and goodbyes as well as saying ‘I love you’.

Your friend is quite frankly a knob.

I was an adult before I realised hugging and other expressions of love didn’t come naturally to my mum.

She hadn’t had hugs and kisses from
her parents, but was determined to be different with us even if it didn’t come naturally.

It was a big part of my childhood and easy for me to carry on with my sons. My eldest went through a period of rejecting hugs when he was about 9-10, but it lasted all of a couple of weeks.

They’re in their 20s now and hugs are still very welcome on both sides.

I honestly believe we need to fill them up with love and affection when they are little to make them confident and secure in themselves when they are bigger and taking on the world. We were hugely affectionate to ours when the were small, they shrug us off these days so make the most of it now.

In my opinion you can never be to affection with a child, it builds trust, security and independence. Keep going as you are.

Oh wow. This had really struck me tonight. DH and I were raised like you, then couldn’t have children.

we adopted then had two. So we have four. We hug and kiss them every night. The little ones and the older ones. They hear their dad come home and they run to get there first.

I stand at the school gate and friends joke I should wear armour as they can almost take me out.

as long as they are happy we will continue.

I do understand teenage years may change this before anyone says, but at the moment I’m hugging those kids

I don’t have kids myself but FFS, if you can’t kiss and cuddle a kid when they’re six months old, when can you?!

When they get older they’ll no doubt make it clear to you if they don’t want hugs and kisses and sometimes you’ll need to back off when they want space, I expect. But I’m pretty sure a six-month-old baby is going to be very happily enjoying all the fuss and cuddles you can give them, so I’d make the most of it!

Sounds very normal to me. I’m always kissing and cuddling and declaring my love for my dc. Being expressive of your love for your children is natural and normal. I’d say it’s less usual to not show that one of affection, at least among people I know or am friends with. So no, you can’t be too affectionate imo. Do what feels right for you and express your love for your son in a way that feels natural and authentic.

You sound like a lovely mum. Keep doing what you're doing. You cannot give babies too much attention or affection. Creating that strong attachment bond is what makes parenting so much easier when they're older x

Nope you’re doing fab ! In the same as you give about 100 kisses a day and cuddles and say I love you . My boy is 3 and he loves it . You can’t love a child too much ❤️

You smooch that bubba! Break the chain

You can never give your baby too much love.

Someone once said this to me and I replied "I'm checking his temperature with my lips" which made us both laugh a lot. You can't kiss and cuddle a baby too much. My grandma said if you put a penny in a jar for every time your child cuddles and kisses you, by the time they are 4 it is more than half full. Enjoy your lovely little one.