I'm too affectionate with my baby?

[Babooah]

For a little context my mum was never affectionate. I have no memories of her ever hugging or kissing me (or my siblings) as a child, teenager or as an adult. She would write Love Mum in birthdays cards, but has never said I love you out loud. I don't even have memories of her saying she loved my dad or any past boyfriends. Apparently her parents were affectionate towards each other and to her and her sister if that matters.

She hated being touched in general.

My sister is very similar to her where she never kisses or hugs any of her children. I have never seen her play with her children. She has 6 children (4 years old to 15 years old). She acts more like a babysitter than their mum.

As I grew up, I felt very uncomfortable whenever someone gave me a hug. Especially if it was a woman. Now I still feel uncomfortable, but it feels more 'natural'.

I have a baby boy who is 6 months old. I want him to feel loved, so I give him hugs and kisses (cheeks, forehead and the top of his head) whenever I can. He could be sitting on my lap, playing with a toy, drinking from his bottle, napping etc and I will try and give him a hug or a kiss as much as possible. I also say I love you to him.

A friend came over the other day and commented that I am always hugging and kissing my baby and said I'm too affectionate towards him.

Can you be too affectionate towards a baby?

Absolutely not! Reminds of the bit out of the meet the parents film where the main characters parents were v affectionate “we kissed and hugged our little prince like there was no tomorrow, we focker-ised him” there surname was Focker!

my kids are 15 and 13, I hug and kiss them when they get up, when they leave for school, at bed time, I’m in my 40’s and I still kiss and hug my mum and dad. I love them all and feel secure in doing so. My 15 yo son loves to lay on my shoulder on the sofa and watch tv

Psych here. There is no such thing as being too affectionate towards a baby (or a child for that matter). I just wrote you a long response which di

Psych here. There is no such thing as being too affectionate towards a baby (or a child for that matter). The stuff people think never ceases to amaze me. I just wrote you a long response which disappeared and I can’t be bothered to retype it all! Sorry! The crux of it was - look up Attachment. The Attachment Project is a good website or there are gazillions of books on it. Affection is critical for secure attachment. Based on what you said, I suspect you have an insecure attachment which isn’t good. Do the test on their website - you’ll find it interesting. Read about it all and it will all become clear.break the cycle by educating yourself on attachment or your child will become insecurely attached too.

Is there autism in family? I’m wondering about mother.

Your friend is odd. Maybe they need to see the attachment project too! Clearly there are issues there with this friend. Wondering also if you find friends who are like your mother because that’s familiar.

No, you can't show a baby too much affection. Definitely not.

Absolutely not! I cuddle and kiss girls (3y and 1y) as much as they let me and I always will. We also say love you a lot. How can you not look at your kids who are your whole world and not want them to know how much you love them!? I wasn’t cuddled told love you by my parents a lot as a child and never as an adult and want the complete opposite experience for my children.

Babies are utterly irresistible - it’s natures way of ensuring their survival - you can’t fight nature!
Give him a squidge from me too!
I worked in childcare for many years and wee chubby smiley babies who needed all the kisses and cuddles were the highlight of my career.

I kissed and squished both of my babies. One is now 18 and still loves a cuddle.

Your friend is odd.

I cuddle my 5 year old as much as possible and tell him I love him about 5 times a day!
Always have done since he was born.

I love him more than I knew was possible so why wouldn't I?!

My mum is lovely but isn't a cuddly type, nor is she vocal about loving us. My dad however, is and I remember the warmth and affection as a child and I still love it now.

You hug, kiss and love your baby as much as you want! How odd of your friend to comment.

You absolutely cannot be too affectionate with your baby! Well done for being able to be so loving with him when there was so little affection in your own childhood. Not everyone is able to do that. Don’t listen to your friend, it’s a bizarre thing to say, does she have kids? If so maybe she doesn’t feel able to be affectionate with her own kids and feels jealous. If not, she probably just doesn’t understand how much parents love their babies. My DD is 5 and I kiss and cuddle her all the time!

I read somewhere that you can pass on cavity causing bacteria to them also in this way.

https://www.dentistryjust4kids.com/blog/are-cavities-contagious/

But wouldn’t hold back on any amount of kisses on head, feet etc. You can’t spoil a child with love and affection.

Edited to say I’ve accidentally cleared the quote attached to this post - it was in response to one about cold sores.

No, you can't be too affectionate with a baby. Keep doing what you're doing.

Your friend is odd. I cuddle my kids whenever they let me and tell them I love them dozens of times a day. My youngest, nearly 18, 6ft 3, has just come in to roll on my bed and cuddle the dogs before kissing them, dad and me on the head and calling out ‘G’nite. Love you’ as he headed off to bed.

He makes a lovely, loving BF too and is v sweet with his GF.

Erm, and we’re all autistic, but affection between us is still normal, though my DD prefers cuddles with the dogs to her parents’ as she gets older 🤣

You cuddle that baby, make sure he knows that he is loved.

My mother was cold and I vowed that my child would never have that feeling of not knowing he is loved. He is 14yo now and I still hug and kiss him. He snuggles up on the sofa with me regularly, and will happily give me a hug in front of his friends (a couple of them hug me too as DS tells them I give good hugs 😆). DS knows he is loved and he is a happy confident boy.

Oh no, definitely no such thing as too much.

Affection is for the child to reject (if and when they don't want it), not for the parent to withhold! I was always affectionate with my baby and she's grown into a very affectionate child. This may well change at any time and I will follow her lead on the kissing and cuddles, but I'll always tell her I love her (privately - not in any public or potentially embarrassing setting!), even if she rolls her eyes.

No the more love and care they get the more happy and confident they become. Well done for breaking a pattern too

Ignore them, you can't be 'too affectionate' towards a baby, what a ridiculous thing for your friend to say.
The amount of love babies are given should never be limited or withheld, it's also vital for forming those early bonds.

Only dangerous if the person has a cold sore, obviously others shouldn’t be kissing a young baby anyway but parents are fine as long as cold sore free!! Also just to add it’s not just the lips, you can kiss a young baby anywhere on their face with a Cold sore and they can catch the virus. So that very first feeling of tingle avoid kissing your baby at all til it’s cleared

Lots of affection for your baby is great! I would avoid lip to lip though too- it feels higher in the chances of passing anything on and I think lip to lip should be a boundary/ a romantic partner kiss when that time comes. You don't want them copying it with other friends or adults.

You’re absolutely doing the right things with your baby. Mine is two and I still hug, cuddle and kiss him all the time. I tell him “I love you” so much that he’s recently started to say it back, and much to my husband’s annoyance has ONLY said it to me so far. 😆 (Which to me, makes up for his first word being “dada” haha!) You cannot be too affectionate towards your baby! Thats how they know they’re loved.

Obviously as they get older, they will start to develop preferences for if and when they want affection, and it’s important to respect their boundaries and allow them bodily autonomy. But you best believe I’m soaking it all up whilst my little one is still a cuddle bug. 🥰

I’m wondering whether your mum and sister might be autistic? Neurodivergence can run in families, and people who are autistic don’t always like to be touched. Obviously some people have that preference anyway! But it’s unusual to not show ANY affection towards your children, especially when they’re babies. And the fact both your mum AND your sister are like that had me wondering.

Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing, it sounds like you’re doing great. 😊

Studies have shown that children of overly affectionate mums have better mental health outcomes. I saw something the other day, saying that people who say you cuddle your baby too much were babies that weren't cuddled enough.
Cuddle the baby!

I agree with this, I’ve never kissed my baby on the lips and don’t allow others to either. Too much chance of passing on RSV, cold sores etc (hubby and I don’t suffer with them ourselves but you never know who does!), and as you said it helps with boundaries for others also.

Sorry but don’t listen to your friend! I don’t think you can ever give too many kisses and cuddles to your baby. I grew up in a very affectionate family and I am the same with all of my three kids. It’s beautiful!

You literally cannot give a baby too much affection. You are wiring his little brain beautifully. Carry on!

My mother wasn’t affectionate at all. I don’t ever remember her telling us she loved us, well she never did, and I have to be honest and say it’s something I find very difficult to say. She did love us, actions speak louder than words, everything she did she did for us. The only people I hug and kiss are my children and my husband and I couldn’t kiss and hug my children enough they’re all in their 30s now and still hug and kiss me before they leave. One of my sons is the same the only two people he hugs and kisses is me and his sister he doesn’t have a partner. He physically flinches if anybody else touches him. You carry on kissing your baby and make the most of it.

What a weird and, frankly, disturbing comment for your friend to make. Please take no notice of it.
My husband and I are always cuddling and kissing our 13-month-old and telling her how much we love her all the time. I do miss the unlimited cuddle time we had when she was tiny now that she's dashing around the place and will only sit and be cuddled if she is really tired, but it's so exciting watching her develop into such a busy, funny little character and being able to interact with her so much more easily.
My parents were extremely affectionate to me, at every stage of my life, so I always grew up thinking that was the norm. It sadly sounds like you did not have that experience with your mum but that you are doing a great job with your little one. I don't think it is possible to show a child too much love, it gives them the best possible start in life.