Son wanting to dress as girl for World Book Day

[mercutio84]

Hi in bit of a dilemma.
Have got 7 year old son. He loves wearing costumes of disney princesses, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, wants to be Mary Poppins, and he absolutely loves all that. At home he wears what he wants and he loves swooshing his dresses and play acting and we love to see him relaxed and feeling that joy. He’s not indicated he thinks he’s a female in any way but he gravitates towards girls at school and I think gets intimidated by some of the boys (he’s also very short bless him).

World Book Day coming up and we’re a bit worried about it. Same thing happened at halloween - he wants to go as female character eg Wednesday Addams. For World Book Day he wants to go as Dorothy, or Alice, or the Queen of Hearts.

Now, I’d love to see him as the Queen of hearts and he would love it. But I’m just so worried about other children saying things, as it may seem like a bit of a statement. Son can be very sensitive especially to rejection and I am so torn. I really want him to feel comfortable and excited and true to himself but so scared that if other kids make fun of him he’ll feel awful and want to take costume off/then question himself and lose that excitement that I can see he feels.

Does anyone have any experience of this?

Would he go as the one on the right?

That’s a great suggestion

Didn’t David Williams write a book about a boy in a dress? He could take that too!

I see no issues for him or the other kids but there will be some hysterical behaviour from the parents who will think it will rub off and they will have to report it because it could be contagious

call me cynical

He’s too young for anything much to be said. I worry about my son going to school on non uniform day in some crazy feminine looking outfits (can’t say too much as outing) but even the usual bullies have said he looks cool - there’s been the odd comment but it hadn’t stopped him. I’d just let him go for it.
People like David Bowie and Harry Styles were and have been seen as style icons and I see lots of young men copying him wearing pearl necklaces and feminine looking knitwear.

I think by age 7 he'll be aware that kids will take the piss.

But he obviously doesn't care so I'd remind him it's a possibility and let him get on with it.

This thread has probably been done on average about 3 or 4 times a month on MN and the opinions are generally mixed, but mostly because people are worried about how the child might handle the piss taking.

Wouldnt it be simpler for parents to teach their kids not to pisstake rather than someone changing what they do becuase of it

I know there are a lot of parents with hardly any intelligence at all but if people including children are not doing anything to harm others it is not up to them to change

Wouldnt it be simpler for parents to teach their kids not to pisstake rather than someone changing what they do becuase of it

Of course it would.

But do you really think that's going to happen between now and Thursday 5th March??

I work in a high school. Kids would definitely not forget the boy who wore a dress at 7. Quite a cross to bear.

Kids can be cruel. I would steer him in a different direction if possible. Could he be a king in a swishy robe? Something like Arthur by Michael Morpurgo.

Yes but on Mumsnet, apparently 'most kids won't even notice'.

It's like they're walking around with their eyes shut.

I mean that would be wonderful but that’s not life. You’d need absolutely everyone to agree on everything which is right and acceptable. No different opinions and every day teaching that everything is acceptable and your own personal beliefs won’t be listened to if they don’t fall in line with what others think.

Like the left thinking 🤣

where in the U.K.? Scotland? Culture is relevant here.

Well there will always be an excuse going by that, so everyone has to conform and be all the same otherwise they will be the one at fault?

dont do anything different or you will picked on should not be the answer

Honourable but why encourage your child to the sacrificial lamb. I know a lovely boy (yr8) who is partly defined for a pink lunch box in reception. Kids are ruthless.

Any child of mine is told be yourself and if anyone has a problem with that it is on them if no rules are broken and no one is being hurt they can dress as they like

If other kids want to pick on them that is on them

Seriously? That's brutal. DS definitely had a pink and purple lunchbox for a couple of years in junior school, nobody cared. He'd definitely have told me if he'd had grief over it.
He's currently rocking a shocking pink, furry Hello Kitty pencil case. Everyone thinks it's hilarious. I was dubious, but he uses it every day. He's 14 and has lots of friends.

I’ve been a teacher for 31 years and there’s one World Book Day per year. Let the lad choose his own costume. It’s not that deep!

David Walliams, and yes. But OPs soon doesn't want to go as that character, so why would he take that book? Not to mention that the classic "Bill's New Frock" is far superior.

@mercutio84 its tricky isn't it! I had gender non-conforming boys and striking the balance between teaching them to be themselves and trying to minimise potential bullying is a fine line IME.

I think it depends on his temperament. If he is sensitive then the inevitable teasing will
affect him. My youngest son went to World book day as ‘the boy in the dress’ but he honestly did not give a toss. He’s always been like that. The teacher and other parents said how ‘brave’ he was. But this is/was his character. My eldest would have never done this.

Well no one would bat an eye lid if a girl came as a pirate or musketeer or Robin Hood, right?

why a boy can’t be a female book character on a BOOK DAY?

i mean, kids dress like animals and dragons and unicorns, noone is thinking that they are having a furry sex fantasy?

relax

It’s not a dilemma. You say ‘no’ and parent him in the direction of an appropriate costume.

A boy wearing a Queen of Hearts outfit or princess dress isn't any more inappropriate than a girl dressing up as Harry Potter (as DD1 did) or Buzz Lightyear as DD2 did on another dress up day. If I had sons I would absolutely support them in this and would take on allcomers who thought it inappropriate. In fact I'd find it very positive that they so enjoyed a female character. There were always one or two boys in more traditionally feminine outfits at DDs' school.

And my DDs are now 20 and 17 and heterosexual, FWIW, not that I would have cared if they were gay.

I would have this conversation with him directly, I think that at 7 he would understand.

Start by talking about how some people think that boys can’t wear dresses and girls can’t fly airplanes and that we call that sexism and how most people who don’t conform to sex stereotypes experience it at some point. Tell him about a time it has happened to you, ask him if it’s happened to him.

Then (maybe in a second conversation) tell him you’re debating about world book day because you’re worried that people will be sexist towards him. And does he want to still be the queen of hearts, or find another costume?

There was a boy in Ds’ class who dressed as Gangster Granny for WBD at age 10ish. He got lots of attention and loved it but it’s more a pantomime dame costume than Disney princess so a boy with confidence can carry it off. I wouldn’t encourage a sensitive boy to wear a dress to school. The only compromise I can think of is some sort of tunic like an Ancient Roman.

Does your ds use a “girl’s” lunch bag or want to wear “girl’s” clothing for mufti days? How do you deal with that?