Son wanting to dress as girl for World Book Day

[mercutio84]

Hi in bit of a dilemma.
Have got 7 year old son. He loves wearing costumes of disney princesses, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, wants to be Mary Poppins, and he absolutely loves all that. At home he wears what he wants and he loves swooshing his dresses and play acting and we love to see him relaxed and feeling that joy. He’s not indicated he thinks he’s a female in any way but he gravitates towards girls at school and I think gets intimidated by some of the boys (he’s also very short bless him).

World Book Day coming up and we’re a bit worried about it. Same thing happened at halloween - he wants to go as female character eg Wednesday Addams. For World Book Day he wants to go as Dorothy, or Alice, or the Queen of Hearts.

Now, I’d love to see him as the Queen of hearts and he would love it. But I’m just so worried about other children saying things, as it may seem like a bit of a statement. Son can be very sensitive especially to rejection and I am so torn. I really want him to feel comfortable and excited and true to himself but so scared that if other kids make fun of him he’ll feel awful and want to take costume off/then question himself and lose that excitement that I can see he feels.

Does anyone have any experience of this?

How dull life would be if everybody conformed to societal norms.

For me if would depend on how I veiw his personality...

If he was generally a boy-ish boy, but just wanted to do one girly thing that might get him teased, then I would probably just try and spare him any trouble...

But if he was the sort of boy that you can clearly see is very very "feminine", trying to repress it will likely end in a lot of problems. Mental health issues, rebellion as a teenager, resentment to his parents for not accepting him or trying to change him. Etc. that sort of thing is what pushes kids away from their parents and towards online communities that might take him in a more extreme direction.

In that case I'd let him. He will need to grow a thick skin because he's going to face a lot of crap in his life, and better he has you in his corner. I'd be prepared that he might likely be gay, and into feminine things, and I'd be preparing to tell him that boys can do any of that, and fuck everyone else who says they can't...

Because if you have a boy like that, and you tell them "no! That is what a girl does" then when he is a teenager and still has these desires and interests, that is when he will work from your logic and think:

"Well girls wear dresses and act feminine and pretty and like this and that.. and so do I.. so I must be a girl"

Much better to have him growing up knowing that he is a boy, but as a boy he can do and act in any way he feels right.

It wasn't uncommon in our primary school to see boys in dresses.
I really think it's wrong to bully a kid over this. How come we aren't doing better in 2026?

This is really sensible advice

This is one of those situations where telling a child they can't do something because the parent thinks they know best although he's already dressing feminine currently, would be dealing a blow to his mental health. You've allowed it up until this time at home, but being out in public he can't, he will feel shame because you're telling him he should be embarrassed from doing what he enjoys already. Tell him if people make fun of him, he should just learn to ignore the bullies. He either learns it now or never in dealing with ignorance.

For World Book Day he wants to go as Dorothy, or Alice, or the Queen of Hearts.

It's supposed to be a book the child has read, so has he read the books?

If he has and still wants to wear the costume I would have a chat with his teacher(s) so they are ready to handle any comments.

It’s not even a societal norm. It’s homophobia /transphobia

Did your son go as Wednesday Addams in the end? I agree with PP who have mentioned it depends on the temperament of the child and previous experiences at the school.
My confident, popular child has gone as girl characters and not had any problem. However, he's generally worn trousers rather than a skirt.

It would be clearly inappropriate if he came in a costume of prince Andrew or a serial killer or school shooter or Nazi officer.

being Queen of Hearts or Dorothy is not inappropriate. Not more inappropriate than the girl coming as a white rabbit or mad hatter or lion or scarecrow

I remember DS liked princess dresses at toddler group - a parent made a jokey comment and he would never put one on again, even at that age (just turned 3).

If your DS is sensitive I'd tell him the character needs to be from a book you've read not just a costume he happens to have and suggest some colourful characters from picture books you know he likes and make a costume together.

So much better than all the bought tat anyway.

It's definitely not a societal norm for men to wear dresses.

Has he read alice in wonderland or the wizard of Oz?

I'd be steering him to a book that he has actually read.

In addition to the fact that we have no control over the fact that some parents wouldn't want to teach their kids not to take the piss over something like this, teaching your kids not to do something is no guarantee that they actually won't do it. When kids are with their friends without their parents there, they say all kinds of things their parents wouldn't approve of.

Don’t be ridiculous.

A white rabbit or a scarecrow are neutral characters that would be appropriate for a boy or a girl.
Sending your 7 year old boy to school in a dress is not acting in their best interests. You are an adult and able to make reasonable guesses about possible outcomes...you know people will comment, other kids may tease,his feelings might get hurt.

Or encourage him to be a strong courageous individual who uses his actions to help fight stereotypes, rather than laying the foundations for male/female norms and telling him what lane he needs to run in.

Your suggestion doesn’t empower him, it would just reinforce what the cultural barriers are and continues the problem.

It’s a costume, not his day to day outfit. Ffs.

He’s 7 years old. Don’t use a young child to make a point!

tricky one

girls can dress as boys without fear but boys dressing as girls ca expect to be bullied

victim blaming ?

it’s utterly wrong that boys can’t dress up as girls
the fact that they get bullied is embedding female as lesser / or showing that has already been embedded / sad anyway

but of course we want to protect a child against all harm

Speak to the teacher. Get her to read Julian is a Mermaid to the class the day before and discuss the idea that people should be able to wear anything they like. Let your son go as a female character and the teacher can remind any pupil who says anything about it of the book and discussion from the day before.

My DS was always too self conscious to do this for WBD, but dressed up at home. I think he knew he would get teased and didn't want the teacher to step in which might make him the centre of attention. Either your son does not have a significant group of Alpha males in his class and knows he will be fine (which he should be), or he is so keen to do this he is prepared to deal with it.

PS: Son is now a lovely 24 year old gay man with a beard and dresses in totally male clothes.

yeah the exact age when you want to be encouraging children emotional and social empathy and encouraging them not to repeat the same patterns of behaviour that mean girls think they can only do “girly” things and boys think they can show their emotions and need to be lads. It’s all part of the same thought process.

when else are you going to teach it? When they’re teenagers ? Adult men who have clear gender roles already established?

Rocking?

He is not wearing a dress. He is dressing up as a BOOK CHARACTER. It’s not a societal norm to dress as a specific character of whatever sex or animal or magical creature either; this is a fancy dress occasion.
at Halloween fancy dress parties adults wear all sorts of outfits, it’s the same thing

No one is “sending him”

ok is Harry Potter or Robin Hood a neutral character? Girls can dress as one.

It’s such a shame that this needs to be an issue because of what other kids might think. It should be no different to girls dressing up as male characters or fantasy characters.

I am a straight female who would definitely prefer to dress up as a male character for a costume day.

I think it’s also fun to be different.

Might be good to teach your DS how to respond if any other kids take the piss.