The Gross out thread, or, 'things you never thought you'd do for your children'

[ChirpyGirl]

So, having just spent the last 15 minutes scooping toddler poo out of the bath I suddenly realised that in the last 2.4 years I have done the following;

The aforementioned poo scooping, numerous times.
Allowed DD1 to throw up down my front rather than on the sofa.
Caught vom in my hands, this time to save my mum's beige carpet.
Picked both DD's noses with my fingers to remove large bogies
Had DD2 shit all over my boobs within seconds of the birth (I latched her on one side, she crapped and peed all over the other) and then not be able to wash it off for an hour.
Eaten food that they have sucked on and rejected as I had nowhere to throw it and nothing to put it in.

So come on, some of you must be able to beat that!

Lifted up dd above my head as she then vomited into my open mouth. She was just so quick!! The taste is still there 6 months on.

Pleeeeeaaaaaase someone tell me that the various references to "sucking snot" ALL mean using one of those plastic little pipette things?? Pleeeeeaaaase!!!

This has all made me laugh out loud. And it also makes me feel so much more normal! I heave at the thought of soggy cornflakes, so dealing with my 2 year old has been a challenge on occasion!

No apparatus used when my friend was sucking the snot out of her daughter's hooter. Truly vile.

I have done the snot sucking thing(with mouth!). Also poo that somehow fell out of pants and down trouser leg, onto floor, then trodden into cracks between floorboards. Can cope with my own kids poo but still sqeuamish about other kids offerings, once had to clean up a friend's toddler while simultaneously being sick into the sink! I have also absent-mindedly picked off a childs scab and eaten it and mistaken a blob of earwax that fell out if DS3's ear for a biscuit crumb and eaten that.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

LOL, very very loud.

I've also got a friend who sucks out snot. With her own mouth. Hardcore. Respect.

have also caught a poop as it was coming out to stop it getting on parent's cream carpet.

Yes I have scooped poo out of the bath on several occasions and once or twice out of our flower beds during the potty training period. But the prize has to go for sticking a fork in a very large poo to help pull it out when it was stuck half way after DS1 had endured a week long bout of consitpation and was in pain - I don't think they cover that in any of the childcare books I've read.

I've had to 'manually remove' poo from DS3's bottom (ie dig it out with my fingers) on a regular basis when he was little. Nothing will ever be worse for me than that. I hope.

My son swallowed some water when swimming this made him choke and he was sick all down my front. I handed him to a lifeguard on the side who agreed to stay with him whilst I got out. So whilst making my way to the steps i was covered in vomit and didnt have a child with me so looked as if I had actually vomitted myself!!!

Everything is gross and very helpful right now since I'm attempting to potty-train DS. I have been for days playing hide and seek (or sick!), he poos somewhere and I smell it and have to find it. Sometimes he is kind and leaves a trail for me, walls, carpet, beds, curtains(!)... And then when I find it, I realised that I just stepped on it, arghh.
I've done my fair amount of poo scooping from the bath with a yogurt pot, while screaming . At the end I just push the smaller bits through the plughole, and try to forget it all.
If DH is around I cry for help and let him do the dirty job

Toilet training twins was a highlight....we started 5 days before they BOTH got a tummy bug!!
Yes have scooped poo out of the bath, and caught kiddies' vomit in my hands so it didn't fall on the carpet.
Most embarrassing moment though is taking the three DCs on the train to the local shops. DD2, then aged 3, decided 2 mins after she got on that she wanted to go wees. Unfortunately no toilets in trains (these are 1930s rickety old carriages, welcome to New Zealand) I let her wee all over my lap rather than on the train seat!! guess what - had heaps of spare clothing for her, but nothing for me (same old story). Luckily the end of the line wasn't too far away, and the train then goes straight back down the line again.. so I didn't have to get off until our home stop came round again, then hurried home asap trying to hide the huge wet stain on my lap by pushing the buggy as close to the front of me as possible!!
I think the ticket collector was rather confused as to i)why I didn't get off the train at the end of the line and ii) why I was sitting gingerly on the edge of the seat...

I once caught DD's sick in my nursing bra as she'd looked down my top. It sloshed unpleasantly between my breasts before I was able to find a public toilet to wipe it up.

And when very tiny she threw up on my hair, then let out a runny yellow breast milk poo through her nappy onto my pale yellow trousers (entirely different colour) and I'd not put my nursing pad back in my bra, so as I gazed in reassurance and love back at her, I leaked milk all down my own top. The complete triumvirate. Followed by her peeing on my hands as I changed her nappy.

The customers in Woolworth's cafe were truly blessed with the floor show on offer from that postnatal group, there was no end to the bodily functions on display!!

Having posted on here a couple of days ago, dd generously did her first poo in the bath tonight. What was weird was that as it disintegrated and floated round, dh and I fell to talking about the various identifiable bits of previous meals we could spot. Seriously, when did we turn into such gross people?!

Sucked snot out of ds nose as he was tiny and could not breath very well..

cleaned the most waxy lil ears ever most days..

had poo and sick on me my clothes and most things io own...

let ds poop on my towel

unfortunately yes i sucked snot with my mouth (no apparatus involved altho a pipette now sounds like a great idea! lol) i'm glad i am not alone on the whole snot sucking incidents! Mmm lovely salty gooey snot...TASTYYY!! (RETCH!) after gobules of baby snot getting stuck in my throat poo and vommit seem almost pleasant.. almost..

by the way what does DD, DH, DS2 etc stand for? I have also been peed all over after foolishly giving my child a naked shoulder-ride.. wasn't so bad..nice and warm LOL

I forgot about this thread but both DD's have been ill so I can add

Wiped sick off dd's face with my hair (oh yes) as she was rubbing it into her eyes and I had nothing else handy (was carrying her out on path)
and let her throw up in my bra in tesco and then carried on with shop while she was in sling.