The Gross out thread, or, 'things you never thought you'd do for your children'

[ChirpyGirl]

So, having just spent the last 15 minutes scooping toddler poo out of the bath I suddenly realised that in the last 2.4 years I have done the following;

The aforementioned poo scooping, numerous times.
Allowed DD1 to throw up down my front rather than on the sofa.
Caught vom in my hands, this time to save my mum's beige carpet.
Picked both DD's noses with my fingers to remove large bogies
Had DD2 shit all over my boobs within seconds of the birth (I latched her on one side, she crapped and peed all over the other) and then not be able to wash it off for an hour.
Eaten food that they have sucked on and rejected as I had nowhere to throw it and nothing to put it in.

So come on, some of you must be able to beat that!

I managed to catch dd's projectile vomit in my brand new coat (bought the day before) and then calmy walked to the bin to deposit it!! I think she may have had enough of the swings!!

PMSL, sadly DH won't put out his hands to catch it like a Mummy would.

Caught vomit, diaodooda on several occasions to avoid carpets. Eaten many things I've picked off children, fortunately they were always food in their former lives.

The joys

I've had a small boy (thankfully one of mine) vomit over the top of my head. It took a long time to sort him out and settle him down, during which time the sick was dripping down my face...

You have all made me laugh. Great thread. Horrific stories. Not much to add apart from ds wiping a bogey in my hair the other day - nice.

Thank goodness I have never had to deal with poo in a bath, and now that DS is 5 I hoefully won't ever have to.

I have cought vom in my hands though, and had DS vomit all over my face and head when he was ill and sleeping in my bed with me.

Have also licked his face clean when I haven't had anything else to hand

Message withdrawn

I have sucked the snot out of my babies nose because i felt so sorry for her (not being able to breathe and hating having her nose wiped). I have also been projectile vomitted into my mouth whilst lying next to her looking adoringly into her face! YUCK!!

I can deal with all of these except the ones going into mouths....BLEEAARRGGHH

My gross-o-meter limits have significantly risen since he arrived, I remove foreign objects from my food with a small sigh at worst, pick poo out from under my fingernails without a second thought and have only just started to get back my "duck" reflex when vomit is approaching.

lol at this
i love picking ds's nose when he has a cold - i love the thought he can breathe better once i've done it
Have never had poo in the bath though in 14mo - have I been v lucky?

DS1 aged 3
"look mummy I've done a great big sloppy poo".
We were on holiday in Menorca and he was in the swimming pool in the hotel.I had to leap in and fish out the poo while DH scooped out the child.

Yes have done most of the above, except so far have drawn the line at sucking snot - respect is due for that one girl! Do remember an incident when dh was bathing a 9 mnth old ds and I was shouted in to assist.. Saw the 2 of them standing there looking sheepishly (hmm) at the bath which had just about the biggest poo ever in it. I actually asked dh if it had been him. Needless to say it was up to mummy to sort it all out...

Yes have done most of the above, except so far have drawn the line at sucking snot - respect is due for that one girl! Do remember an incident when dh was bathing a 9 mnth old ds and I was shouted in to assist.. Saw the 2 of them standing there looking sheepishly at the bath which had just about the biggest poo ever in it. I actually asked dh if it had been him. Needless to say it was up to mummy to sort it all out...

oh yes, fishing poo out of the bath. love that.
i also caught ds's poo in my hand rather than let it go on the carpet. it was a big log as well.
i often wipe DS's nose with my sleeves and the bottom of my shirt. i always look like a slug has been crawling on me.
we were in church one time and Ds sneezed and a HUGE booger landed on my shoulder. i had forgotten tissues so i calmly picked it up and tucked it into the cuff of my jeans.

I've had to 'help' dd1 when she was sat on the toilet and not all her poo had come out properly!!

All the above has made me smile very fondly from the distance of having a 16 year old son whose poo and sick I still found myself dealing with last weekend. Not so adorable has he has been on solid food for quite a while now. I don't know who was more embarrassed - me or him!!!

At the first midwife visit when DS was just hours old he sneezed and a huge lump of snot flew out and hit her shoulder. DH had to discreetly pick it off That's not too bad as I'm sure they've had much worse!

My DS projectile pooed on my face at 3 weeks old but the worst thing was when he had a bad case of diarrhea in the swimming pool.

I stupidly gave his sagging swim nappy a squeeze because I thought it was full of water and I'd help him out, at which point, a LOT of slightly lumpy brown water poured down his legs and filled the baby section of the swimming pool with liquid poo.

At the time I was looking after my son (11 months and a friends son also 11months), so had to scoop them both up while DS was still wearing the poo filled nappy and it was running down my hip and leg (one kid on each hip - no mean feat!!). Then I had to endure more humiliation as I had to go up to a lifeguard and explain the brown water.

Needless to say the pool had to be shut, all the other parents and children evacuated (and it was a special toddlers session where you can take in 2 kids under 4 with only one adult - ie rare!) and they had to drain and clean and then refill the entire pool.

Not my best day ....

Jesus, Mary and St Joseph, is this what I have to look forward to??!!

I thought I deserved a bravery medal for picking dd's nose for her. But she is only 5mo.

ds pooed all over my brand new skirt in A&E when he had measles. dd once vomited into my mouth (I was giving her a big open-mouthed kiss...fortunately she was only 8 weeks old so it was regurgitated breastmilk rather than anything more unpleasant). I no longer think twice about eating pre-chewed food - as someone else said it seems a lot easier than putting it in the bin.

examining your child's chocolate starfish for worm activity has to rate reasonably highly ...

(In addition to all the aforementioned poo-scooping, vom-catcthing and bogey collecting)

Oh and I have also fished out a highly-favoured toy from a poo-filled toilet!

For me its not just that I've scrubbed projectile poo out of a beige carpet and off a white wall, but the fact that I was thinking adoring thoughts about my 3 week old while I did it. The 'this is revolting' to 'oh isn't she just so cute' balance was tipped waaaaaay the wrong way.

A friend of mine will suck out snot from her DD's nose.

It makes me retch.