How to raise confident daughters

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I am interested if anyone has any tips on how to raise daughters that have good self esteem and genuinely like them selves. I have two daughters age two and four and would love some recommendations on books or things your parents did that have helped.
I am definitely going to encourage sports, maybe a martial art would be good?
My elder daughter already does dance classes and next September we will let her pick another activity too but I’m wondering if their is anything else I can do to help them feel secure in themselves.

Model the behaviour yourself is the main one. Classes that they can learn skills in and make friends away from school friendships are great too. Play to their interests and strengths and you can’t go wrong.

I don't have any tips but I also have a 2 year old so I'm really keen to hear what people suggest

Although confidence doesn't seem to be an issue so far. She put her pyjamas on tonight, beamed at me and said "I look gorgeous"!

The behaviour modelling one I think is huge. They can’t be, what they can’t see.

Well, are you confident? Do they see you modelling healthy relationships, good boundaries, speaking up when something doesn’t work for you, putting yourself out of your comfort zone, not afraid to try and fail, treating life as a manageable project?

Ask their opinions on things and for their advice, even from a young age. Give them a voice.

Love them -Be there- no judgement.
We've been through so many difficulties, bullying, gender issues- confidence issues.
Active listening is my key, sometimes they want to vent not a solution
But I have amazing teenagers who stand for no shit.
Dd loves herself, doesn't put up with any shit from friends or boyfriends. Loves herself. She's tall, and has a larger body type but soo beautiful inside and out.
Other child is confidence at home but has autism and adhd but loves themselves.
Tell them how proud you are and let them do things in there own time.
Just let them be them!

Praise curiosity. Tell them how proud you are when they try things. Ask them what they would do differently next time if things go wrong.

Don't start ideas around boys things and girls things. Play games involving numbers and science as well as crafts and cooking. Never make silly comments about how hard maths is, instead asking them to explain things to you.

Encourage them to speak to strangers under your supervision, such as asking people things in shops or for what they would like from a menu in a cafe or restaurant.

Try lots of different things, go to the theatre, museums, historic buildings etc and talk about what you see. Learn to swim, go to gymnastics, play rugby & tennis. Praise the effort they make.

You model it yourself and you have their backs when they take risks and stand up for themselves.

Both my dc know I absolutely take no shit off of anybody. I speak up when something needs to be said. I am very direct and set healthy boundaries. When my dc have stood up for themselves or done something brave, I’m right there cheering them on the loudest and also taking no shit off of anyone who has anything to say about any of it.

My tip is to age appropriately point out how ridiculous most social media and advertising is. So my daughters always knew to question and not swallow stereotypes and perfect images portrayed online. Yes they are a bit cynical but I think that is a strength not a weakness.

Talk through worrying situations (eg new school, talking in front of class) and plan for the scary bits! Strategise!!
i couldnt role model as I’m painfully shy, but I could relate and help DD plan to manage uncomfortable situations comfortably. I’m so proud of her confidence and ability to make friends. And having friends massively boosted her self esteem.

Modelling healthy behaviour
it's important to stress positive words about personality and not just looks

Not centring goals around marriage/men/romantic relationships

Not subscribing to gender roles so don't say X job is for men or women

Have a look at Carol Dweck’s stuff on growth mindset on Ted talks. Praise effort. For Dd doing some LAMDA sessions although not a natural performer gave her great skills and confidence to speak in public.

Give them responsibility - ordering their own food and drinks in restaurants and coffee shops. Buying their own train tickets, paying for the parking, using the self scan checkouts.
Teach them to be able to laugh at themselves, even when they might feel embarrassed.

Some great advice everyone thank you! My daughters seem pretty confident at the moment but I definitely suffered from low self esteem until I was about 30 years old, I would love my daughters to always like themselves and know their worth.
@WryNecked my life is definitely a project but not sure how manageable it is! They definitely see me taking on challenges though- most notably we moved overseas a year and half ago so I am learning a new language- lots of mistakes being made there.
@Trainup I definitely try and model good confidence and never talk negatively about myself.
@roastedrapidly I genuinely need my four year olds help with local language sometimes.

@MotherOfRatios the looks thing is so important to me. I remember being told I was beautiful a lot as a child so much so I thought it was the only reason for anything good that happened to me as a young adult. I already hear people kindly telling my daughters how beautiful they are (as is every young child) and I would hate for my daughters to buy into it and feel it’s important.
I really try and empathise their none looks related qualities.

@CrikeyMajikey these are good points. They already pay for things at the market but definitely can do some of these as they get older.

Don't criticise yourself or your appearance in front of them. I think it really helped that my mum modelled body confidence - and she wasn't slim or conventionally beautiful. I never heard her say she was fat, or ugly - she dieted sometimes but she didn't make a big deal out of it. I think that's a big reason I'm very unbothered by my body and looks (which are not at all and have never been perfect).

No books will give you the answers.

For me i have found, being extremely open about all things from TV to relationships and sex, teaching them how to cook from early on, how to clean and do washing, discussing topics and pushing their thought process.

For my youngest I remember all sorts of conversations in regards to sexuality and trans becoming a huge thing. She's been A sexual, bi sexual, pan sexual..... at 10/11yrs old 🙄 so I challenged it subtly..... she is now a very heterosexual girl, however I would never be surprised if she said she was gay.

I think my point is, although we are the parents, you also need to be the "best friend". Keep on top of what's current in their age group, be present and guide them to be the best person they possibly can be.

Model it yourself.

Give them meaningful chores to do around the house. Supervise and help (work together). Nothing creates confidence like competence in executing tasks, mastering self care, and the knowledge that you are fulfilling your parent's expectations.

Have chats with your girls about all sorts of topics - age appropriate, obv. Ask them their opinions of movies and programmes they watch, and books they read. Listen to the music they like and sing along with tbem. Share your own musical taste.

Praise effort and not final product - the idea they had, they way they organized their craft/ art/ writing materials, the way they read the question and thought about their answer/ the way they persevered even though the art or craft wasn't going the way they thought it would, the way they tidied up neatly after they were done.

Let them try dangerous activities like skating, skateboarding, rock climbing. Teach them to argue, with each other and with you.
Bring them to places where they will be expected to behave well - museum's, art exhibits, cathedrals, NT properties, concerts.
Teach them table manners, and to be kind to all.

Eliminate concepts like 'posh', 'pretentious', 'your place', and 'trying too hard' from your thoughts.

Martial arts are excellent for developing courage and self discipline.

I thinking modelling not only your own behaviour, but their dad and male role models need to be on message too. My DDs benefitted from strong alpha men (dad, uncle and grandad) who would happily play Barbies and sit and patiently have their nails painted with badly applied glitter nail polish - they just loved them, listened to them and validated them. (Still do now that they are go-getting young adult women.)

I never know why sport is seen as the thing they need to to have self esteem. I was never competitive and hated sport. It never stopped me having self esteem.

I would also say to encourage independence and never insist they do domestic chores as a life lesson. Housework is not brain surgery - they’ll pick it up in 5 mins. They don’t need a lifetime to learn about being a good little domestic drone. They’ll have enough of that one day.

Also teach them assertiveness. Disagreeing well and having boundaries instead of this ‘be kind’ shit. Yes, be kind, but up to a point. But not at the expense of your own well-being and safety.

Looks are important though.

Go with the flow. Encourage them to make the most of what they have and to take good care of themselves and their clothes. When they get to the tween stage (11, 12, 13) encourage good grooming even if that means a little makeup, earrings, etc.

Teach them to accept compliments with grace - 'Thank you' is an acceptable response to someone telling them they're beautiful.

You can avoid telling them they look good or beautiful, etc, by saying, "That colour suits you well/ brings out your green eyes," etc. Teach them about appropriate clothing for different occasions too.

Haha good girl, nothing like a bit of self love!!
I have the opposite issue op, my 14 year old is too confident, some might say cocky even

Do not, under any circumstances, tell them to, "Ignore it and don't make a fuss" when it comes to bullies and people putting them down. Model, and teach them how to, stand up for themselves. Please don't let them be doormats and constant people pleasers, because trying to live life to suit other people is exhausting, and it will make them very unhappy!

Avoid gender roles as much as possible though, unfortunately, this may be undone at school. I have had arguments with Reception children as to why girls can like blue, and on being asked to send "two strong boys" to help, I sent two strong girls instead.

Teach them that there is more to life than conforming to peer pressure. Let them have their wild individuality!

Ask them for their advice and opinions, and allow them to say, "No". It might be hard work when a five-year-old is refusing to put their shoes on, but it will help when they're older and fending off bullies/unwelcome advances when they're out in bars as older teens.

Listen to them when they are telling you that they have a problem. Please don't tell them to stop moaning or to keep it to themselves, as it encourages them to bottle it up. Hopefully, they will realise that they can always come to you with anything, and they will know that if they do have a problem, you'll be there to help them to come up with a solution and to have their back, no matter what.

Praise them when they've done well. I find that, in the UK at least, we are too quick to criticise, and never fast enough to praise!

Finally, just love them for who they are, not who they could be if only they did XYZ. Make it known to them that they are the most special people in your world!

P.S. A picture book that I LOVE is called, "The Worst Princess". The princess is told that she's only there to look pretty for Prince Charming, which she finds very boring. She goes to live with a dragon instead, and has much more of an interesting time!

Yours are a bit young for this advice… but when they’re older, give them freedom with boundaries. Don’t helicopter and let them roam (I.e. playing out, going into town on their own with their friends, trips to see bands). It builds confidence, resilience and character - although you will need to manage your own anxiety about her at times🤣 (but seriously, this is important too). From what I’ve seen, those who are the most tightly managed as younger children , rebel the hardest in later teens.

Foster a growth mentality. Look it up, see what phrases to avoid and what to say instead.

Listen to them and do not discount their feelings. Too many women stay in bad situations despite their instincts because they have been taught to be polite, to put the feelings of others ahead of their own.