How to raise confident daughters

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I am interested if anyone has any tips on how to raise daughters that have good self esteem and genuinely like them selves. I have two daughters age two and four and would love some recommendations on books or things your parents did that have helped.
I am definitely going to encourage sports, maybe a martial art would be good?
My elder daughter already does dance classes and next September we will let her pick another activity too but I’m wondering if their is anything else I can do to help them feel secure in themselves.

It's really important and helps women know themselves and walk away from toxic situations

I have 3 lovely, confident and self assured daughters (10/12/15).
from the beginning, we’ve taught them how to converse (volunteer info snd answer a question wit a question‘I had a lovely hol, thank you - we went to Spain and the beach was beautiful. Have you been away?’
Look at the face and not at the feet.
always had to order own food/drink and ask fir ketchup etc in restaurants.

Got them in to drama/singing/dance-a whole friendship group out if school and get placed in situations out of their comfort zone which Instills confidence when they survive!

witjout a doubt , I am ‘congratulated’ each time they meet someone fir the first time fir their politeness and quiet confidence.

on DD15s latest report from her house mistress, it commented how she will converse politely with everyone from her teachers to the cleaners and their is no ‘teenagerism’

lots of praise and love and critical appraisal.

it’s tough though, raising daughters xx

I try and be as confident as possible in front of mine (eg never moaning about my appearance for them to hear), my 3.5 year old has a lot of independence and I allow her to make her own decisions as often as possible (what do you want to wear today? do you want pasta or rice for dinner? do you want to go to the park or to soft play?). I compliment her regularly about a range of things, loads of praise about anything she does well. Every night I ask her the best part of her day and something she thinks she could have done better. We try to avoid traditionally gendered stuff because I’m currently a SAHM, so she’ll happily watch the football (it’s her favourite!) and she loves painting DH’s and DS’s nails, and they’re also her biggest fans and are consistently bigging her up.

We let her try whatever she likes (within reason) - she’s currently at a little toddler football group on Saturday’s which she loves, and she’s thinking about ballet too.

She’s the most confident child I have ever met, she will talk to strangers like she’s known them years (obviously she knows about stranger danger - I mean if there’s a nice lady interacting with her in the queue for the till in tesco she’ll chat to her). She was trying to move a chair the other day and DS offered to help and she said ‘no, I’m strong enough!’ and that’s her attitude to everything really

My nine and 5 yr old are ND , both were severely speech delayed so we sent them to drama class , they gained confidence and poise , I swear my 5 yr old only finally spoke to fight with her sister.

they both know they are smart and talented in different ways , we always tell them how proud we are of them . When my eldest was 4 someone said to her “ you are a beautiful little girl “ her answer “ yes I am ..Thank you very much !!

Modelling confident behaviour, taking no shit yourself and giving them the skills to think critically. They then won’t fall for some of the social media bullshit.

my daughter is 11 and shaping up well so far.

Take the piss without belittling them . Make sure they can laugh at their own mistakes and to just get on and have another go.. Show as wide a range of life as possible. Remember your the adult and don't pander to nonsense but allow questioning the status quo. Mines 17 shortly and is quietly self confident with a dry sense of humour.

Model it is the best answer already given.

Aside from the things said I would also look at offering a range of experiences, let them know there's a big wide world out there, spark their interest, get them asking questions and indulge curiosity. Whether that's gymnastics lessons, drama, going to the theatre or simply empowering them to make a cake at home.

my mum (for all her faults) did something in my childhood that has resulted in me being confident with good self worth.

She never focused on looks, ever. There was no dieting, no being vain, nothing. She used to say “go for a kind and funny man” and love yourself first. She taught me to stick up for what I believe in and that it’s great to be unique and individual. I am my own person and I happily do my own thing.

My DD (9) said to me earlier, I hope I’m pretty when I’m 20 so I can get a boyfriend! 😱 so I said my usual “goodness me xxxx, it’s really not just about what you look like, if he’s nice and treats you well
and you like his personality, that’s the main thing & if someone doesn’t treat you well, move on” and I always tell her to be proud to be different and start her own trends! I hope it sticks eventually!

I think SM/reels etc (though they’re banned in my house) and peers don’t help the kids of today’s confidence.

Also be flexible- how you expect things to work out they may not.
Listen and believe them when they tell you something.
Be proud if who they become and teach them to believe in themselves.

I have a very confident 15-year-old. She genuinely likes herself, her looks (sorry but that's important to a teenage girl regardless of how much you try to deny it), she knows she's capable and smart, is super resilient in the face of huge adversity that she had to deal with in the past year.

Sports, sports and more sports from a young age is a huge part of what shaped her personality and her resilience and confidence. I think any sport will have similar effects, but my daughter grew up riding and competing horses. Horsey people are not known to be the sensitive nurturing types, so my daughter got used to tough coaches, crazy yard owners, constant hard work in sometimes absolutely awful conditions, loads of tough life lessons and getting back onto the horse afterwards. It all made her a tough, confident, hard-working, healthy teen who doesn't have time to navel gaze or hang around the park drinking with a similar nice circle of friends.

Tell her how much she’s loved - just for being her. Tell her there will always be someone cleverer or prettier or better at something than she is, but there’ll also always be someone stupider or uglier or worse at something than she is. That’s life. But it doesn’t matter - there will never be another her. She’s great as she is and there’s no one like her.

Tell her that there’s nothing more important than keeping herself safe. That’s far more important than ‘being kind’ and is her primary
concern as a child. Help her work out boundaries as she gets older. Tell her that you will always back her up if she is blamed for ‘rudeness’ or being ‘unkind’ when she’s doing no more than keeping herself safe or comfortable.

Tell her ‘you are a strong little girl’.

Make sure that daughters have martial arts training - ideally self defence or Krav Maga in their teens. Anything that builds physical confidence and ensures they don’t lose their voice.

As they grow up, encourage and promote their articulacy so they can have the confidence to speak up to assert their rights or ask for help.

If they are ever badly treated teach them that it’s normal, natural and ok to feel angry and express or use that anger to improve their position. Tell them that they’re not victims.

Send them to a girl's school. Best thing that ever happened to me. (Scholarship)

Quite a few girls schools are rife with awful bullying. Girls don't need to be segregated to achieve well. I find the whole concept of girls schools sexist and patronising to girls who can very well hold their own against boys.

I mean really don't make bodies of big ting around them thay will be grand

I'd find an all girls primary school. The formative years are so important.

Quite a lot of mixed secondary schools are rife with sexual bullying.

It really doesn’t have to be a girls school. Learning to deal with the opposite sex in all its shapes and forms is a key life skill. My DD has a great line in banter and knocking back. She’s at a secondary comprehensive and they are very strict on misogyny, anything Andrew Tate related and they take anything like that very seriously

According to someone above, no books will give you answers. This is rubbish. There are books on this and there is a brilliant one grounded in deep psychological research,but I cannot remember its name at the moment. So I am replying right now so I’m on the thread and then will come back later!

What I do remember off the top of my head is that:

• Hobbies are excellent for girls. So girls for example who are deeply immersed in something like horse riding, or gym/dance, tend to be less fixated on looks and popularity and less likely to get depressed.
• Philippa Perry has written a brilliant book about kids generally, something like ‘the book you wish your parents had read while you were growing up’

What people are saying is that a book, however good, will be far less effective than the PP modelling confidence, boundaries, healthy relationships, assertiveness etc in her own life, for her children to see.

I have 2 daughters aged 20 and 14. Both are tremendously self-assured and comfortable in their skin. I don't think I have the magic formula, but some of the things I consciously do / did are:

• Take them seriously. Listen to their views.
• Talk honestly about my own journey through feminism. Discuss news articles and global trends and make connections.
• Model self-acceptance and celebrate strength and effort.
• Tell them they don't have to be polite when someone is making them feel uncomfortable.
• Tell them to feel comfortable taking up space. I think this is especially important in their school years.
• Deliberately talk about strong and successful women. Lift women up. We are just like other girls.
• Reflect on privilege. My eldest is fierce because she knows that she has power and privilege that not everyone has.

Remaining neutral in terms of gender is not in itself a neutral act because the world we live in is so skewed towards glorifying men and casting women as support humans. I choose to acknowledge that in parenting my girls.

I have always had very high expectations for my girls in terms of wanting them to be the best they can be. That success looks different for everyone. And I am their biggest cheerleader and supporter. I'm so proud of them.

What's lovely is that they treat me the same way. They are my number one fans; they support me right back, they want success for me, and they are proud of me.

A small thing but one I have realized the more I am around other couples and now that I’ve been in relationships:
My parents would discuss things in front of us two young girls - current topics, an author, etc. My mum was a reluctant SAHM for many years, had left education at 15 to support her family, and was debating with my dad in her third language. I give this information to show being a woman wasn’t her only ‘social disadvantage’. My dad, on his part, listened to her, never interrupted while she was making her point, gave his own opinions seriously (he didn’t patronize her by passively listening like some indulgent parent) and made a point to tell us how much he admired mum for being passionate about things and speaking up for what she believed in.
Does this sound like a low bar? I’ve been around too many people who can’t discuss (let alone debate) with their partners, and too many girls who don’t want to talk about things they’re interested in unless others have brought up the topic.

I think I read that taking part in organized sports has been shown to have a lifelong impact on girls’ confidence and leadership skills, too.

Hi OP, I suffered really low self esteem as a teen/young adult and like you, I have looked into this A LOT as I'd hate to see my DD feeling how I used to. What I've found for girls, is that apparently their relationship with their father is massively important in how they view their worth. That's what all the books say anyway and I do feel that would make sense as to one of the reasons why I was so under confident as a child.

Sports are so important too and our DD takes part in lots and some competitively. I think this has really helped her confidence as she is naturally a bit if a perfectionist but has had to learn how to lose graciously and also that if you want to do well, there are no shortcuts. She seems to have this inner belief and confidence (whilst admitting not being the best at being social with big groups of girls) that we can only hope gets her through the tough teenage years. Unfortunately we can't account for bullying and the likes but the idea is to make them feel good about themselves such that any negative words are dismissed as they know themselves better. That's our plan anyway so 🤞🤞

My parents both gave me confidence but the main source of it was my dad. The things he did/said:

Encouraged me to be physically strong, played a lot of sport with me, went on lots of walks, arm wrestles (he was very proud of me the day I beat every boy in my class at this). Encouraged all 3 of us (me, my mum and my brother) to learn a martial art.

Always had faith in me.

Never don't go on a day out because your children say that it'll be boring. Encourage an interest in the world, visit places of historic interest, get out there as much as you can and learn about things that may seem boring in childhood but later in life will result in a cultured adult who has interests and can hold an interesting conversation.

Do not dwell on anything negative. If something doesn't work out, straight on to the next thing. It means that there's something better for out there for you.

One very important thing that my parents both taught me (and I raised my own children with this) is to question authority if you feel that what you are being told is not right. Just because someone in authority (or who is behaving as if they are) is telling you something does not make it fact. Have courage in your own convictions and do things your own way.

the book I was thinking of:
https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/raising-girls-in-the-21st-century-book-steve-biddulph-9780008339784?sku=GOR009937726

Kids, boys and girls, tend to reflect the explanatory style / reactions of their primary caregiver. So if you are anxious, pessimistic, your DD is likely to absorb that.

Well loved kids with encouraging but also to a degree assertive parents (think authoritative not authoritarian) who insist on trying your best, nothing comes free in life, tend to have the most well adjusted kids.

Thanks for starting this thread OP. I have an almost 4 year old DD and I want her to have the confidence I never had. I am glad I had her later on when I had fixed a lot of it (mostly the issues with food) because I do think a lot of it is how you behave yourself.

We do get her to order her own food and drink at restaurants, take things to the till in shops, speak to library staff if she wants a book about something etc. I feel so proud seeing her do that as I was such an anxious wreck as a kid that it took going to uni to get me speaking to adults I didn’t know 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫