Does your child talk to you like shit?

[Hagnumber4]

God I'm so fed up and demoralised.

I don't tend to shout. I assert boundaries. I listen to my children, I'm kind to them, I'm not a push over. I don't have excessive rules.

But my god my 9 year old talks to me like shit. It's like he hates me. He just screams at me and is so horrible.

I'm not really asking for tips. Just whether your child is like this

No, none of my children ever spoke to me like shit. They might have moved towards it and I shut it down immediately.

my oldest once squared his shoulders to me, my nostrils flared, I dropped my voice and BELLOWED “get to your room for your own safety”

He wasn’t remotely unsafe but he never squared up to me again.

My 13 yr old every single morning, he's really not a morning person. Once he's out the door for school he's a different child.

No, none of them do. Something isn’t right here. Your childish either displaying trauma, SEN or parenting/boundary issues.
what are your in-excessive rules? Sound alike they’re not strict enough? What are the consequences of this bad behaviour?

Absolutely not. I would not tolerate it. They are expected to be respectful and they are.

No and she’s never even come close. I agree, maybe something is up, is there a possibility of SEN? As my 9 year old is absolutely sweet and loving but also pretty happy generally, enjoys school etc.

Somtimes but not often, one is autistic, the other is adhd.

They both always apolgise when they do though and we all tell each other we love each other every day, so it's not terrible

My friend has an undiagnosed child who I suspect is autistic with a pda profile, she's awful to her mum and she's only 7. Absolutely beats the crap out of her and speaks to her like absolute crap. I feel very sorry for my friend

My 9yo is really really feisty. She does have adhd so emotional outbursts are apparently part of it, and she feels everything to the max. So much shouting, it’s intense. I am firm but gosh she is challenging.
older child was a walk in the park!

She’s never unkind, calling names, swearing, distructive etc, but highly strung I guess is the best discription.

Rarely, if really frustrated they may lose themselves but not often at all
and I wouldn’t really call it taking like shit.

Same here.....

No, my kids have never spoken to me with anything but respect.

Yes sometimes but we pull them up for being rude. Ultimately they generally can't go for long without wanting me to do something for them / help them / buy something so they have to apologise for me to talk to them again 😅

My ds did speak to me like that sometimes when he was that age and still does sometimes now (hes in his 20s). Whenever he does there are consequences. Eg when he was 9 if he spoke to me in a way I found unacceptable when I was cooking dinner I would stop cooking, retreat to another room and wait for him to realise and apologise.
Apologies I suspect that may have been a tip disguised as 'this is what I did'!

If you dont want tips what do you want from this thread because yes of course there are some children who speak like that to their parents and some who dont.

"I don't tend to shout. I assert boundaries. I listen to my children, I'm kind to them, I'm not a push over. I don't have excessive rules."
Yeah, great. I would have said the same. But that's irrelevant to the fact that you should not tolerate your child being rude and/or verbally abusive to you. The moment they start, you shut it down. No shouting required. Just firm and assertive, "you do NOT speak to me that way. Go to your room and I will discuss it when you've calmed down and can be respectful."
Rinse and repeat. Do not engage in any back and forth trying to reason with them if they're raging.

Oh gosh. Maybe it's far more complex than I thought.

I can't send him to his room because he will likely self harm or trash his room.

We spent at least an hour of him shouting and swearing at me this evening and it turned out something in school has been bothering him.

All of mine are autistic and have never spoken to me like shit.

I’m not suggesting that all Sen children would do this and I didn’t mention autism at all. But I have known children with ADHD who have felt very angry and misunderstood and that was what I was referring to.

This sounds like there's a lot more going on OP especially if he is self harming at 9. Are school aware? They need to be if not. It sounds like there's more going on here, could be SEN, could be trauma, could be general not coping at school - but sounds like he needs a lot of help and support. Is he under CAMHS?

You're talking about a 9 year old self harming op. Of course that's not bloody normal, surely you realise that?

My nearly 9 year old has gotten a bit eye-rolley recently and sometimes has a bit of a tone...which ime with older dc is normal. If he's ever teetering on the point of rudeness an 'I beg your pardon?' and eyes from me is all it takes.

Shouting, screaming, swearing...absolutely not.

If your 9 year old has been self harming, what support are you getting with that?

My DC are SEN and neither have been verbally abusive towards me or anyone else.

If he's trashing his room, self-harming, and verbally abusive, then that's something you need to flag and ask for support for (GP/School). Don't wait for it to resolve or get better on its own - it can get worse once puberty hits.

No and my children have trauma and SEN. The eldest is 10 and he’s pushing boundaries at the moment but I wouldn’t accept being spoken to like shit

Neither of my now late teens have ever spoken to me like that. Not once. There's more going on here, especially with your latest update. I think you need some support for him, something is making him so unhappy.

DD, 16, never.
DS, 10, yes, it doesn’t go down well for him, I withdraw any kindness until he offers a genuine apology, it is less now as he knows the look when he is hitting my last nerve and the consequences, try ignoring him, telling him that you will not be speaking to him anymore because he has disrespected you and stick with ignoring him, it hurts their soul. 😆

No, because I would never put up with this. You get what you tolerate in this life.