What support is there?

[FlowersInDecember]

What support is there for single parents that are struggling please? There must be something other than social services? As I’m sure most of us wouldn't want them involved through choice and I think that would just make me feel worse. Is there any other support out there?

Does Homestart operate in your area?
Speak to your health visitor who will be able to understand you concerns more accurately and refer you yo the correct people. Sending hugs!

My children are older so HV no longer involved but I will look at home start thanks

What are you struggling with specifically?

Everything, but I guess if I had to narrow it down, getting the to school on time, getting them up and ready in the morning, keeping the house clean and keep up with the house work, getting them to sleep at night.

How old are they and why is it difficult?
Can you pay someone to help with housework?

14, 13, 11 and 8 I can’t afford a cleaner and it would be a tip 10 minutes later anyway (I do clean it just never stays clean)

Is their Dad around? If so does he have them at time and do school runs?

Do you get child maintenance?

We don’t have contact with their father

Are any of your children in receipt of DLA?

14 13 and 11 are old enough to get themselves up unless there are special needs.
PResumably 14 and 13 are in secondary? They should be self sufficient and putting clothes in laundry that kind of thing .

You have got them this far. You can do it.
Maybe speak to gp if you feeling down

It will vary from area to area, but speak to both schools and ask for support. They make have access to the mental health support team which offer parenting support.

In terms of practical stuff again the family support worker at school should have advice about what if anything they can offer.

Social services may well be far too stretched to offer much support, but in some areas they do have family support workers that could help with what you are struggling with.

Honestly, unless you aren’t getting the kids to school and you are generally keeping body and soul together you aren’t going to be a priority.

I should have said my son has ebsa so no unfortunately he doesn’t get up and take himself off to school and he is making me late with my youngest, the house work is too much and they don’t help. Not wanting parenting advice just if there is any practical help out there

Do you work?
You might need to find a,way to pay for help.
But speal to lea for support for your child with ebsa

You can speak to school and ask them to do an early help referral.
In my area it comes with a small pot of money if accepted. If you get allocated a child and family wellbeing worker, they can signpost you to useful help.

You need to speak to schools and work with them. They will know what’s available locally

They mentioned early help before they told me it wasn’t social services but when they contacted me it said it was a safeguarding referral and from “MASH” they said it was early help and not social services

We have had lots of help from the school but now he is in secondary they are very hard to get hold of and completely different to primary, rarely answer emails, never anyone to speak to

Early help is part of social care usually, yes, but that doesn’t mean you will be having a social worker or your children going on any sort of safeguarding plan unless something shows that is appropriate.

Social services are honestly not something to fear, they want to help you and they will need to ask questions / assess to make sure they are getting you the right support.

Your other options are to read some parenting books and really instilling discipline and routine in to your household and ensuring the children are helping you out, getting up on time and going to bed.

Ask school about putting the little ones into breakfast club and dropping them off early and then going back to sort out ebsa child. Secondary aged not ebsa should be getting themselves sorted and out.

It isn’t easy, but also unless you want to pay for a cleaner or nanny or au pair or you access early help and put into practice what they share with you, nothing will change.

local send offer may be able to offer some support, but it will be area specific.

Homestart or Early Help is the service for you.

Can you speak to the primary school? I know ours - the pastoral worker would go round and collect children where there were struggles getting to school on time.
That leaves you 3. Which one has ebsa? Is the secondary school close enough that that the other 2 can walk there independently? That leaves 1. The one with ebsa. Every single time they refuse to leave the house on time call the school and explain. Is anything in place for them?

Once you have that sorted you can start to look at housework. How bad is it? My home is not instagram worthy but it is mainly clean if not always tidy. Kids have clean clothes and clean bed linen and good home cooked meals. I don’t wash the floor every day week and the bathrooms aren’t cleaned every day like some on Mumsnet.

There is a massive difference in support offered between primary and secondary schools and it is hard.

They won’t collect, they knew he had ebsa in primary school but the most they offered was coming up to walk to school with me and the children that’s not really much help tbh. So I very much doubt they would collect my youngest child.

I would still ask then if I were you? At least it shows them you are wanting to work with them to find a solution to getting your youngest there on time. A pp asked if there is a breakfast club they could go to? Or an activity before school?

What support are you getting for his mental health? The school should be putting support in for the ebsa?

If you can explain more which children are late for school, how old / why / what you’ve tried we might be able to suggest or support?

Are there any issues your youngest going to school or does he go quite happily? Is there anyone local that you could ask to pick him up on their way? I don’t know how you are set up logistically for school but our primary is literally a 7 minute walk for most people on the estate so there would always be someone going by. What’s your set up?

Not sure of your area but Home Start as others have mentioned and also Aberlour!