What support is there?

[FlowersInDecember]

What support is there for single parents that are struggling please? There must be something other than social services? As I’m sure most of us wouldn't want them involved through choice and I think that would just make me feel worse. Is there any other support out there?

What would the ideal help be in your mind op, what does that look like for you? Then we can see a work around if possible.

Hi OP
i know you wouldn’t want a social worker and tbh if children are all fine then that wouldn’t be necessary. What about Early Help? They are attached to social care but it is absolutely not the same thing.

Also (feel free to tell me I am wrong anyone) but if you get early help involved wouldn’t that prompt the schools to offer more support or advice? Surely they would have to - certainly they would have to return your emails and calls no?

The school will be asked to do an early help assessment and usually to offer support in the first instance. Which is usually support from family support worker and any parenting support or mental health support referrals needed.

With pressure on the systems the threshold to receive early help from social care is quite high in most areas.

There may be help via the family centre or a charity, again the school should be able to signpost.

Early Help is the first 'level' of social services, designed to stop problems escalating into bigger problems, so normally family support workers rather than social workers and looking at what the barriers are to getting them to school etc. The school may also have a 'designated schools team' worker who is also part of early help.

No advice sorry but just wanted to offer my sympathy in dealing with 4DC, one with EBSA. Have you spoken to the School Nurse service to see if they know of anything?

Early help referrals go through the ‘front door’ with my LA….that’s means they are triaged by social workers to ensure don’t need escalating to child in need for example…..maybe same where you are OP.In terms of support…nobody is going to clean your house or do your shopping or take your kids to school….they will look at how you can be more efficient with your time

I know this was 20 years ago but my bf volunteered for Home Start - and that is exactly what she did. Housework with the mum (because it’s usually the mum) or supporting the mum to go shopping - maybe not getting the kids to school but definitely a lot of practical help whilst the mum was going through a rough time and to to get a good routine in place. I’m guessing that kind of thing isn’t a thing anymore?

Home Stsrt is sill around in some areas but you usually have to have a child under 5 to qualify for their support.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/make-a-referral

you can self refer if they are in your area.

That’s a shame - I know my bf loved it and volunteered with numerous families and it ending up setting her on a path to get a degree and become a social worker.

Maybe a service that can give some respite or something? I really don’t know whats why I’m wondering what is out there available, the early help referral said safeguarding and I don’t want them taken away or being put on any plans I feel that would make my situation worse and be more pressure on me I just want some kind of support with them also the fact they don’t sleep at night and are often up late. My child with ebsa has had support at primary but the secondary school is useless.

Social care do not want to take your children away, they are going to be needing to ensure there aren’t any safeguarding risks as that’s their statutory duty. They can then refer you to the right team.

I don’t think there will be any respite services available to you given your circumstances.

They can offer support for you to get on top of things, instill boundaries, access any services that might be necessary and a listening ear.

Let go of your negative feeling about the word ‘plan’ Anybody who can help you will have a plan because how can anyone help you improve things without a plan? Dont see it as a negative word.
I don’t know anything about respite.
Do you just want a break every now and then just to help you carry on or do you want things to change?

I have had them involved before years ago they aren’t there to help in the way people think they are, they are there to make sure you aren’t abusing or neglecting your children, I guess there doesn’t seem like there is anything out there for me I thought I would check anyway

It’s a shame because if you feel like this then chances are there are many many other people also feeling like this - also looking for support. I don’t know what the answer is, I’m sorry

There are different levels of support, but yes they are there to protect children. Early help is the lowest level of support and is what is probably available to you. Unfortunately if you aren’t willing to engage with the school family support worker or the social care team to assess what support they can offer then there may not be much you can get.

I would speak to the primary school and ask them to support you and then contact the secondary, probably by going in and not leaving. Go into the secondary reception and ask to speak to the pastoral team and ask them for a plan of support for your child with ebsa. Your local council should have guidance for schools in ebsa and what they should be doing.

ask the primary school about any local charities or church that could help and look into home start.

Have you looked at your local short breaks offer?

Respite is available, via social care. Social care involvement isn’t all solely focused on children at risk/child protection cases. Here is Contact’s booklet explaining their role in families with disabled DC. You can request a carer’s assessment, which is about looking at your needs as a parent carer. For your disabled DC, you can ask for an assessment looking at their needs arising from their disabilities. On their website, Contact also has model letters you can use to request assessments.

Some parent carer forums run groups or can signpost to groups.

Have you applied for transport and appealed if necessary?

Does your DS with SEN have an EHCP?

No it’s not

OP’s made it really clear she doesn’t want SS involved.

Fair enough. I don’t think more suggestions about it is helpful.

There is a definite need for practical, hands on help for parents (NOT more advice, we’re all drowning in advice as parents, let’s be honest). Just good honest reliable practical help. Yes please and I put my hand up for some of that too!

Loads of us don’t have family support like in past generations, parents/ grandparents/ aunts/ uncles etc and this is the problem really, when the ‘village’ is absent, far away or broken/ fractured. So no help at all when help is desperately needed and parents are on their knees :(

I wish there were more charities that focussed on practical help/ support for families, there is a huge need for it.

OP you’ve probably already web searched for ‘family support’ or ‘mum help’ in your area

I know I have - no joy, only ‘telephone advice’. next to useless, not what we need. Btw if anyone is here who works for charities like this that sound like they are there to help families but when you look only offer an advice line, please know if this is totally useless to us - we don’t need advice, we need practical help!

Practical support is always hard because it is very labour intensive and naturally time limited. Support and advice is there to give long term support for change. Help to access services, a listening ear, peer support and mentoring of parenting is offered as it does work and it’s unfair to say it doesn’t.

unfortunately people don’t know want to engage with social services or look at trying to utilise the advice and support that’s available so there is little else.

A lot of charities and funding goes to helping high needs families with disabled children, and even those services are stretched incredibly thin.

Ad hoc cleaning has helped me out when things have built up, that’s been good when there’s no budget for regular cleaning.

I did look into nanny help or mother’s help and there are agencies you can contact for an idea of cover and prices. Even if there was someone who could help on 1 or 2 days a week to get the kids up, dressed, ready and get to school on time would be a pressure valve relief

Will post again if I think of anything else. Sending unmumsnetty hugs OP x

None of what you’ve mentioned is available where I am - advice on accessing services when there are none is useless and I stand by that. Not heard of mentoring at all so not sure where you’re getting that from and peer support won’t be through a charity as that depends on an individual parents personal support network of friends etc.

Yes families with high needs due to disabilities etc. There is an army of regular, no high needs just swamped and struggling parents out there with no family support.

We are invisible, and drowning.

Also peer support is not the answer is it? Fine for an emotionally supportive chat and maybe the odd (reciprocal) favour but beyond that you can’t lean on friends who are juggling their own family demands, pressures, difficulties and being overloaded with busy family life as we all are

@Cat1504 Home Start does still exist in some areas.

we don’t need advice

Actually, many parents do need advice. As shown by the very high demand for so many advice lines, e.g. Contact, Scope, IPSEA, SOSSEN. Just because you personally don’t want an advice line doesn’t mean you should dismiss them. If you don’t have disabled DC, you are talking about a different scenario to the OP.

Many need advice about things such as EHCPs and SENDIST, school transport, social care assessments, short breaks offer, DLA/PIP/UC/other benefits, blue badges, council tax, DFGs, charity grants, and so much more. Or just need to off-load to someone else down the phone. Knowledge is power.

For example, many are unaware of the role of children’s services in families with disabled DC, which leads to people dismissing the suggestion because they don’t understand their role and only see stigma. They don’t know it can provide respite or a mother’s help type role or fund home help. Even when they are aware, many are unaware of how to force their LA’s hand when they are brushed off.

There are charities who provide practical support, but it is limited because it costs significantly more.

Some charities do provide peer support (e.g. Include Me Too) and some do provide mentoring (e.g. Parenting Project). Some are national and some are local - I provided an example of one of each. Some are only for certain families with disabled DC, some aren’t limited in that way. In the context of supporting parents and their families, peer support doesn’t mean support from the parent’s friends. Other charities used to provide mentoring (e.g. Scope) but for funding reasons that part of their support no longer exists.