What support is there?

[FlowersInDecember]

What support is there for single parents that are struggling please? There must be something other than social services? As I’m sure most of us wouldn't want them involved through choice and I think that would just make me feel worse. Is there any other support out there?

I too was going to ask, "what kind of support are you looking for"?
Because depending on what your needs are, there are different types of groups out there and people can maybe help to point you in the right direction.

For instance, if you're struggling with being a single parent.
If you're struggling with the fact that you have four young kids and you just feel a little overwhelmed.
If the kids are struggling with their school work or some kind of academic issue.
If you're struggling financially to pay the bills.
Etc. It depends if the struggle is an emotional need, an academic need, a medical need, a basic need, financial need, etc

But I saw that you said "Everything, but I guess if I had to narrow it down, getting the to school on time, getting them up and ready in the morning, keeping the house clean and keep up with the house work, getting them to sleep at night"...
Well that kind of sounds like you need to live in nanny or something if you need someone that helps to get them up and ready in the morning, get them to school, clean your house, and get them to sleep at night. And I don't think you're going to find any volunteer organization or anything else that's going to come to your house and give you full day support, I think that's unreasonable but I don't know for sure. Maybe something like that exists? Does anyone know?

Perhaps you don't need help with all of those things perhaps by talking it out here, other people can help you to come up with a plan to assist you with the parts that you're having trouble with now but can be corrected on your own. Like for instance, if getting them up in the morning is tricky, making sure that they've had an earlier bedtime, that all their clothes are laid out, that their lunches are ready to go, and that their breakfasts are prepared as grab and go, that might make your morning a little easier. Same thing with having a bedtime routine put in place, with clear expectations about what needs to be done by what time, and sticking to it so that your evenings go well but that your mornings go even better.
As for the cleaning, yeah I can imagine a house with four young kids does need to be cleaned all the time and it must be overwhelming for you. Maybe there is some kind of assistance for this, I don't know, but there are so many YouTube channels out there and blogs and posts and advice about how to do "10 minute cleans" (for instance) in which you're getting a whole lot of the most important things done in a small amount of time, as opposed to getting bogged down in the details.

Sometimes a reframing of how we attack a certain task can lead to magnificent results. Not sure if that could help you but I guess what I'm saying is if you clearly articulate what the problem is here, there are more than enough people on this forum who I'm sure would be happy to give you some helpful advice.

I’m not talking about advice lines dedicated to specific disabilities/ diseases or SEN. That’s a given, there’s a whole sea of information parents need to navigate in this situation and get both advice and support.

I’m talking about the army of parents out there with no support and are struggling, including single parents. We don’t need advice, we need practical hands on help. A support worker or family help when things are tough and we’re struggling to keep our heads above water, help us through the unrelenting constant pressure of demands and our self care is through the floor. If we want to research different parental techniques to tackle individual challenges then we are perfectly able to do this ourselves. Support for families under pressure where there is no specific disablement /SEN is non existent and support for families with children who are is scarce (postcode lottery).

@MissingSummertime then you are talking about a different situation to the OP. OP has DC with additional needs.

There are charities providing hands on practical help for families with non-disabled DC. For example, Home Start and Parenting Project. Each has their own criteria, so parents would need to look at the eligibility criteria for different ones. While you personally may be able to research things, not all can. Advice lines are helpful to some. Just because you personally don't want to use their services doesn't mean some don't find them helpful.

If your kids are disabled and you want respite then you need to contact the short break service at your local council. If they aren't disabled then you won't be able to access respite.

I disagree and think you’ve missed the point of the thread. OP has 4 children, OP has told us one of her children has ebsa, she has mentioned no other additional needs. Additional needs for this son with ebsa is making her situation harder especially in respect of school routine as this is the nature of it. OP is a single parent with 4 kids and clearly overwhelmed as I think we all would be in the same situation. OP has said

’Not wanting parenting advice just if there is any practical help out there’
And doesn’t want to get SS involved.

Re: help from school with ebsa OP has already said the school won’t collect and have been hard to get hold of and unresponsive. They were better in primary she said but secondary the support isn’t there and she’s struggling.
There are a few charities that help with ebsa but how many are able to provide hands-on help? The reality is not many, so we’re back to advice and tactics to help equip parents. It is good to get advice and get parents ‘tooled up’ with information but it comes to a point we’re bloody exhausted and just want someone with us, to give us a helping hand and take (even some) of the load. No amount of telephone advice will meet that pressing need. Child mentoring I can see is available in some areas (not mine) but based on what some have listed, like Mentor Link, it looks like they are desperately short of volunteers so again coverage is an issue, it’s a post code lottery.

Additional needs (ebsa) does not appear to be the main problem here but it’s the combination of everything together, she’s on her own with 4 children and no support. She clearly has an overloaded plate and could do with practical help which is what she’s asking for.

It would be great if anyone could post ideas for OP re: practical help.

I don’t have an issue with advice lines btw (I used to work for an advice service), I have an issue with the lack of hands-on practical support for struggling parents, both for parents of children with additional needs, or disabled parents and those without disabilities or additional needs.

I have not missed the point of the thread. Just because you don’t agree with what I have posted doesn’t mean I have missed the point of the thread. I haven’t.

OP has posted previously. She has more than one DC with additional needs.

I have posted practical help. I suggested OP could look at school transport and appeal if refused, an EHCP for her DS (I think she has said previously he has one or she was requesting an EHCNA. Not sure where she got up to with that.), her local short breaks offer (which isn’t the same as having a social worker). I suggested she contacts her local parent carer forum (what they offer varies. Some will offer practical help. Some will be able to signpost to other agencies/charities/CICs who can offer practical help.) I also suggested she re-considers social care assessments because many people misunderstand the role of social care in families with disabled DC (social care can provide exactly what OP is wanting. They can help with care in a morning. They can help with respite. They won’t let on, but they can provide transport. They can help with home help.). Just because you object to me posting that doesn’t mean it isn’t practical help.

There are charities who can offer practical hands on help with additional needs, including EBSA.

Yes, charities are in demand.

Genuine question (not aimed at the op) posters who are saying they need practical help (and I do get that as a single mum of 4 - thankfully 2 of mine are adults now) but is it cleaning? Assistance with shopping? Assistance with school runs? If this is by volunteers who will fund the necessary paperwork/requirements to make this happen? And then who will fund the people who coordinate this? I honestly get that people need something but practically how could it work? If I didn’t have to go to work I would love to do this sort of role voluntarily - but you wouldn’t know me from Adam so how could you be reassured that I am safe and able to support you?

It is so sad that there are so many families needing help but there just isn’t the provision for it.

Alright alright @2x4greenbrick calm down, there’s no point us going back and forth arguing. I apologise for sounding defensive and I do get what you’re saying. OP didn’t list her history, just the scenario and hasn’t listed other needs in her OP, but the main issue remains the same that she’s overwhelmed and struggling.

It’s hard getting help in let’s be honest, even when you tick the boxes and qualify (I worked for charities and it could take an age between the initial referral, processing, safeguarding assessment, sourcing and matching a volunteer. Can take months, some of the clients we had died before they got a volunteer visitor(!)

Anyway fair point - there is some practical help out there but is there any cover near OP? I know what you mean about SS and help available through them but many don’t feel comfortable pursuing this).

Are you able to let us know the rough area of the country you’re in OP, and we could try and help narrow the search of what could be available in your area?

Also do you have any budget for privately funded support ie cleaner/ nanny/ mothers help?

I don’t need to calm down, thanks. I am perfectly calm.

I think OP’s gone, she’s not been back. If you are still here OP have a look at your budget and see if it’s possible to self fund some help like a nanny for the school mornings to help and/ or cleaner.

Help via a charity could be possible dependent on your area if there is cover/ availability. Hope you’re doing ok and at least with the holidays you’ll have a break from the school mornings for a while, so at least a temporary break from school pressure for you and DC.