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Original poster

Partners son bullies mine

70 replies

Dad01234 · 07/12/2025 00:30

My son is 4 and my partners son is 6. I see my son every other weekend and live with my partner who splits her custody with her ex so we have our boys the same time.

Our boys have opposite personalities. My son is reserved, a little shy & wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Her son is loud, outgoing & has a lot of behavioural problems.

The way she parents her child is when he throws a tantrum she gives him what she wants because when he doesn’t get his way he gets aggressive. One time he wanted to play games on her phone & she needed the phone back for something and he threw the phone full pelt into her face giving her a black eye.

half the time our boys play nice but when her child is tired or something hasn’t gone his way he takes his frustrations out on my son. The second our back is turned he is either hitting him, telling him horrible things like he wishes he was dead or calling him names like he’s a baby or stupid.

Everytime I address this with my partner she just shrugs it off and says that’s how boys play & my son is unusual because he doesn’t like rough play and how her son plays.

shes massively in deinial about her sons behaviour and this weekend her son punched my son in the face because while they were playing he fell over to which my partner said “well it didn’t leave a mark and it wasn’t that hard so it’s fine “ also later in the evening my son was playing in his room and her son ran in sprayed deodorant into his face so my son was crying saying his eyes were stinging and all my partner said was to say sorry.

i have told my partner till im blue in the face about her sons behaviour and she just shrugs it off & says he has adhd or behavioural problems but that’s not fair on my son. I am lost at what to do. Plead help

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 07/12/2025 00:34

Put your son first, like she does... and split.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/12/2025 00:34

Why are you putting your child through this.

HoppingPavlova · 07/12/2025 00:34

You need to put your DS first and leave. It’s weird to ask what to do as this is the only solution for what you describe. Your children come first, boyfriends/girlfriends second and only if it doesn’t adversely impact your child.

7yo7yo · 07/12/2025 00:35

dump her and protect your son. You are failing him.

lobsteroll · 07/12/2025 00:35

I think your only choice is to put your child first and move out. He can’t live in an environment where he is physically and mentally bullied by someone and it doesn’t sound like your partner is going to do anything about it (and quite honestly I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who didn’t care about the welfare of my child and let their own child run rings around them).

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/12/2025 00:42

Leave. Today.

End things and put your son first - in 20 years when you still have a relationship with him, you will thank yourself x

DelphiniumBlue · 07/12/2025 00:42

Put your son first, and protect him. Could you change the weekends so that your son comes when the other boy isn't there? Even if the other boy wasn't being so horrible to your son, it must be hard for him only seeing his dad when there is another child there. Don't you have any 1:1 time with him?
You know perfectly well that spraying deodorant in someone's eyes is dangerous, and you know that your son's emotional wellbeing and self esteem will be permanently damaged by the way this child is allowed to talk to him. You know that this bigger older child is hurting him physically. It's not acceptable, and you need to stop this immediately. Whether it's by changing the visiting schedule or by splitting up with your partner is up to you, but you cannot subject your son to this. If I was his mother I would be stopping visits until this was sorted.

SixSevenX · 07/12/2025 00:45

I can’t believe you need to ask strangers what you should do! If her boy is like this at 6 imagine what he will be like at 10 or even 16?!

Your boy will always be the bullied one and if you stay as you are he will not want to come to be with you (understandably).

If your ex knows about this I’m surprised she still lets you have your son.

You have a choice;

Your son and split with your partner

Lose your son and keep your partner and enjoy watching her parent her son while you have lost yours.

its that simple.

BreakfastClubBlues · 07/12/2025 00:48

This really isn't much of a dilemma.

Put your child first.

strangerontheinternet · 07/12/2025 00:50

This is disgusting. How can you even look at your partner for allowing your son to be treated like that and she doesn’t even care. You’re failing your boy here and putting your d*ck first. If I was your ex I’d be absolutely livid that my baby was being treated like that on his weekend with his dad!! Leave and put your son first or soon he’ll cut contact with you or ex will get full custody and rightly so as he’s not safe with you at your new gf house.

Icecreamisthebest · 07/12/2025 01:10

Break up. Your partner will not change and neither will her child.

Your child needs to be your priority.

tinyspiny · 07/12/2025 01:15

You need to split , your parenting styles are too different for this relationship to work . I find it hard to believe that you only have your son EOW and you then subject him to this abuse , leave before you damage your relationship with your child .

KitsyWitsy · 07/12/2025 01:18

You are a terrible, terrible dad. Is that what you want?

Is she worth it?

Awful.

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 01:19

Teach your son how to address the issues himself.

RachelFanshawe · 07/12/2025 01:20

She’s horrible. And if you don’t dump her so are you.

Seeingadistance · 07/12/2025 01:21

Bonbon21 · 07/12/2025 00:34

Put your son first, like she does... and split.

This.

Your poor child.

Italiangreyhound · 07/12/2025 01:25

Split and prioritize your child. your partner sounds terrible. Your poor boy.

CamillaMcCauley · 07/12/2025 01:31

Why are so many men incapable of grasping that when you are separated with children, any new relationship has to work for the children just as well as it works for you?

HoneychurchLucy · 07/12/2025 01:35

This is not the relationship for you. Honestly why are some parents so useless at this .

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 07/12/2025 02:07

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 01:19

Teach your son how to address the issues himself.

Exactly what does that look like, when faced with an older, bigger boy who will happily spray aerosols into his eyes? Asking his father to step is the appropriate way for the son to "address the issues".

Stop victim-blaming this child. The OP needs to step in to protect his son, as his son has asked him to do.

Haworth1 · 07/12/2025 02:19

I can’t quite believe you mention things such as your son being punched in the face and are asking advice. How on earth are you even asking this question?

Protect your son and ditch her immediately and never look back. The poor lad deserves so much more than you are currently giving him.

No responsible and caring parent could possibly stand by while such assaults were taking place. Protect your child and run for the hills. This is not a relationship you should be anywhere near.

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 02:31

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 07/12/2025 02:07

Exactly what does that look like, when faced with an older, bigger boy who will happily spray aerosols into his eyes? Asking his father to step is the appropriate way for the son to "address the issues".

Stop victim-blaming this child. The OP needs to step in to protect his son, as his son has asked him to do.

Show quote history

I am not blaming anyone. I am just saying. He must stick up for himself, to get the respect he deserves.

LonelyPotato · 07/12/2025 02:40

Pryceosh1987 · 07/12/2025 02:31

I am not blaming anyone. I am just saying. He must stick up for himself, to get the respect he deserves.

Show quote history

The child is 4, do you seriously think that needs to be instilled in a child of that age? Or did you miss the ages? The other child is 6. Both of them need parents to intervene. OP needs to remove his child from the situation. The partner needs to address her child’s behaviour and work to correct it. Tell a four year old to stick up for himself… honestly that’s completely ridiculous.

MyPersonalExperience · 07/12/2025 02:51

This is why parents should prioritise their children. Fine have a relationship with a new partner, but keep it totally separate from your child and theirs.

trainkeepsgoing · 07/12/2025 03:04

Prioritise and protect your little boy and move out