Daughter's dad hit her - dont know what to do

[Ineedahouse]

I split up with my Daughter's dad when she was two. She is now 10. He has always had a horrible temper- he rants and points a finger in your face when angry type of thing, calls you names, twists things you've said before to use against you, is belittling etc. Emotional rather than physical abuse. All valid reasons for me to leave him.

We've always had 50/50 care of DD and for the most part its been ok. Recently however he's been behaving the same to her. Ive had to pick her up from his twice as he's upset her with his shouting and name calling in the last few months. This week, he 'smacked' her - I'd say hit - on her bottom so hard the red mark was there for over an hour.

I picked her up straight away but she's uoset as he's said he 'doesnt want to see her for two weeks' which is basically silent treatment and I definitely don't want her to see him but I really don't know what to do now.

Do I report it? Do i carry on letting her see him? Do we have to go to court for custody - it's currently just our own agreed arrangement. She loves him and is upset - she wants to see him. I said he's crossed a line but then she told me he's hit her before when she was 7. They were on a walk and he smacked her in a field fgs.

Not that its relevant but she wasn't being naughty when this happened just saying something he didnt agree with and he lost his temper.

You need to set aside her desire to see him, because it is NOT a normal father-daughter relationship now. Your DD is being abused both emotionally and physically – she is almost certainly now trauma bonded to him and wants to see him because she thinks he'll get even angrier if she doesn't. She is as much a victim of DV now as you were.

Speak to her school to report it as a safeguarding issue – they should escalate to MASH level, which means they will involve social services and the police. This is the right thing to do.

Call the police, social services and get an emergency court order to suspend the arrangements.

Reassure your child, secure some counselling. Take this very seriously, she is trapped with him at ten unless you do.

It’s irrelevant what she wants, she is a child and only ten years old. She needs to be protected.

You report to the police and social services es immediately.

I don't understand why you even need to ask. He is bashing his child. You protect her and keep her away.

Please also take her to the GP, and photograph any marks and bruises. Poor little lamb.

An adult male hit your daughter in anger after losing control of his emotions - hard enough to leave a mark for an hour? What the heck?

all hell needs to break loose to protect her - call one of those helplines for advice

of course she still loves him. But she’s too young to know how to keep herself safe so you still need to do that for her.

You really need to let the school know too, so that they can support her and also be on guard for if anything else comes up. If she's upset about not wanting to go back she might not tell you next time. I'd also tell them about the previous emotional abuse towards you.

Police and social services. His abusive behaviour is escalating and she is in danger. Also, she needs to know it isn't acceptable from a father as there is a risk that in the future she will think this is how love feels and accept similar behaviour from a partner.

Agree with the previous posters. Not a chance id be sending her back there. Hes dangerous. Smacking is illegal in Scotland and Wales, as it should be and hitting her hard enough to leave a mark like that is assault.

They may not complete an assessment but given there is an allegation of assault they should carry out a strategy discussion before making a decision. There is a big difference between 'not interested' and 'not working with a family after referral'.

Agree with the PP. What she wants doesn't trump the need to safeguard her. He has manipulated her into believing he is a good father but the reality is he is a nasty bully who thinks hitting little girls and then giving the silent treatment is ok. Go nuclear on this one OP.

This.

Op, your dd is getting conditioned to love someone who hurts here. Do something - police, solicitor and a family therapist for both of you.

She loves him and is upset - she wants to see him.

If anyone other than her father smacked her you'd immediately remove her and stop further contact, so it should be no different just because he is her father. Yes, she wants to see her dad but there are ways for that to happen and keep her safe at the same time. So sorry this is happening to you both. People with anger issues rarely get better without some sort of help, I think the opposite is true.

Loosing his temper and hitting her is abuse. Don’t send her back and report him. Do you have evidence of the mark on her, photos screen shot messages ect. Start gathering evidence and protect your child.

Poor little girl. I agree with pps - see a solicitor, ideally one who specialises in family law, and start paper trails with the family court and the police. This must be very confusing and upsetting for her. Intellectually, she might already know that if anyone has the right to give the cold shoulder, it's her - lots of ten year olds are sophisticated enough to understand what's not just moral, but legal and what's not. Emotionally, it's her Dad and her head must be all over the place.

It's important that you help your DD cut through the confusion and focus on her safety and well-being; her Dad's behaviour isn't acceptable and his temper isn't her fault. He can't and mustn't see her on her own (if at all) till he's changed how he acts and she's able to stand up to him and maybe not even then. People have gone no contact with their parents over less. Contact with her isn't a right, it's a privilege and it has to be earned.

You call the police that's what you do! He hit her 😕

You need to take her to GP.. It's an offence to hit a dc and leave a mark. Hopefully Dr will report to ss to back you op. .
Build a case against him. Or you send a dark message to dd it's OK to be assaulted by a man.

Report it to everyone - police, GP, social services. This is child abuse and is highly relevant to any ongoing child contact proceedings as well as her welfare both now and in the future.

@Ineedahouse you need to explain to her that he’s broken the law by hitting her as hard as he did. That it could be reported to the police.

personally, I’d document this, photos etc and keep them and TELL the small dicked bully that she’s not coming back to him again, and if he tries anything legal I’d go to the police. Use this information as power against him.

and then go about your life. He dad can call her etc if need be, but she’s never being left with him again.

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ of course you report it.

I hope you took pictures of the mark and wrote down what your daughter said happened.

Protect your child and do not let her go back to this man.

Contact the police, social services and a solicitor. Today.

explain clearly to your daughter that it is not ok for anyone to physically assault her. Look for guidance online about what conversations to have with her. You do not want her growing up to think behaviour like this from men towards her is ok or a sign of love.

Your daughter is the most precious thing in the world and has been hit by an adult man because she didn’t agree with something he said.

This is a really important moment that could impact how she thinks she should be treated for the rest of her life. She is too young and vulnerable to see the bigger picture. It is disturbing that he is also emotionally manipulating her.

You are her mother and it is your duty to protect her physically and emotionally.

The police must be notified. Social services must be notified. I would also inform the school. Then I would take steps so that she no longer stays with him. I would also try to get some counselling sessions for her.

It is not ok and of course you already know this.

Seriously how are you even questioning this? Protect your child ffs

The main, if not immediate , worry here is the wider and long term effect of spending half your week with a bullying brute.

Hitting her because he didn't like something she said is bad enough but then telling her he doesn't want to see her for 2 weeks is appalling. You left him for his emotional and physical abuse, don't now let him subject your daughter to it

She may well love him but she's 10 and needs protecting. Sadly, abused children do love their parents but they still need protecting, even more so

There is a huge difference between lightly smacking a three year old that was just about to stick a fork in a plug (or similar) (even though this also isnt OK really),
to degrading a ten year old young lady with a smack on her private area ( bottom) or in fact anywhere, but this is particuarly degrading. And the fact it left a mark for an hour shows how much force must have been used.
I don't think she is safe in his company. What will he do next?