Help! My Husband is rubbish at playing with our son

[Mamma1992]

Hey,

I need some advice. My son is 2 and such a lovely boy. I’m a stay at home mum and used to previously work in childcare, so we do loads of fun activities at home and have a great time.

my problem is that I’ve started to feel my husband is just a bit rubbish with our son in terms of play and it’s actually making me feel a certain way towards him which isn’t good.

he’s always been a good dad. He loves him so much and my son adores his dad. But he’s always been rubbish with play. He comes home from work and most times after saying hello to me and chatting then messing around with our son for 5 minutes wants to just watch tv.

thing is he does mess around with him as I said like throw him around, run around and stuff and my son loves it but it’s short bursts, but he never sits with him and plays with his toys and my son does want him to sometimes.

it’s started to make me so upset. My son wants to play in his world with his dad like he does with me and we just can’t seem to get that from him! I speak to him about it and he just says he does but he doesn’t.

Don’t get me wrong he’s not a bad dad because he’s not my son feels loved by him and they do have a good relationship but I want it to be better.

what can I do?

If you can't see she's controlling, I'm not sure how to make it clearer.

This.

“She just wants him to do more”
Thats exactly the problem. She’s the one with the problem. There’s nothing wrong with the level of play he engages in. Only in her eyes.
Arguably she’s the one playing too much. Kid needs to learn to play by themselves at some point.

The advice on how to deal with it
is back off and leave your husband be.

Agreed.

I didn't play much with my son either. We did other things like go swimming. I don't think he feels deprived.

I do think it’s ok for the two parents to have different roles.

my youngest is 14 now. My DH does all the activities with him - the mountain biking the air cadets the air shows the football the shed building - all the dad and lad stuff that a teen boy looks to his dad for.

My son loves me to bits as his mum, but it’s his dad who does all the activity with him now, not me. I play quite a small role!

one day in the future your DH may be the one giving more time and attention than you and you might be enjoying doing your own thing (much deserved!) while they’re off on yet another bikepacking trip!

it’s a marathon not a sprint and things change over time. my DH was a loving and kind father of little children and very supportive of me, but he would never have got into extensive playing with them.

I suppose that’s a round about way of saying the dad is SUPPOSED to be different from the the mum. Not just mum mark II. It helps children’s emotional and psychological development to have a different third person who loves them on the scene, who isnt the same as mummy and who the children can be curious about, and for there to be a promise of something outside the world of just the two person dynamics of “mummy and me”.

Rough housing is fantastic for boys. It’s actually really important. As your son gets older with some encouragement he will want to do this for. There was a research project about it. Keep encouraging that.
Hes probably tired. Just let their relationship develop naturally and try not to worry too much

Playing with toys?? I never played with my dd, she’s the kid so the toys are for her to play with.

Im happy to do other things with her, a puzzle, game, baking, take her to the park but playing with toys is not my thing at all.

5 minutes a day is an appropriate level of engaging with a child?

Maybe try because being concerned about behaviour and bringing it up is healthy communication in my book. Being shut down and having your concerns ignored it's much more controlling and emotionally abusive. He may be right but you don't get to just dismiss the mother of your child's concerns without discussion.