How old would you leave your child home alone?

[Howdoyoulikeyoureggsinthemornin]

My l/o is 9 and it's just us at home. We live on a quiet estate, full of families. They're able to keep themselves occupied and stay out of trouble.
Ive been feeling extremely down about myself lately, middle age spread is creeping up and I can feel myself becoming really run down. My mental health and confidence is really starting to deteriorate, as I have no free nights or time to myself, as well as perimenopause making its changes.
I'm hoping to attend a gym class in the next few months, it would be 45 minutes long twice a week. I know there are no laws regarding leave your child at home as long as they're mature enough, but I'd like to know at what age people began leaving their children at home for small bursts of time.

Thank you .

Good grief!! Mine were 11 and we live semi rurally with one neighbour and no family in the county.

I leave my 9 year old (10 in Jan) on his own for up to an hour. He’s not allowed to cook anything and knows not to answer the door. We ran through all potential emergency scenarios that I could think of and he had sensible answers to all of them. He can FaceTime me/Dad/grandparents on an iPad if he needs us and can go to any of our neighbours in a true emergency. I also let him go off on his bike/to the park for a similar length of time. I think it would be fine to do what you are proposing.

I think this is too young. I am on my own with my children as well. I’d love to walk out the door and leave them to it for a hour, but they are just too young yet. Even at 9, my son would panic on his own I think. Can’t you get out for walks together? I drag my son out on his bike after school every day so that I can get some steps in. I’ve signed up for online Pilates classes as well at £9 a month with a local gym, so that I can do them from home.

I probably did this wirh my eldest at 11. My youngest is 8 and will probably at the same age I think.

Im really surprised multiple posters have said 14. Will they be able to go to the shops alone when they’re 17? Madness.

I’m surprised at the people saying 14/15 years old. I always walked back from secondary school alone at 11, let myself into the house and stayed there by myself until one of my parents were home a couple of hours later.

I do think 9 is on the younger side but it just completely depends on the maturity of the child. If she’s close to being 10 then I think an hour would be okay if you’re close by and keep your phone on at all times.

I did this (leave house for hour for gym class) once DS was 11.5. He's sensible, had a phone and we live on a v safe area with people on the street he knows.

I'm glad there's a few sensible people on this thread and not just anxiety riddled molly coddlers.

Each child is different but realistically from age 11 most children will either walk home by themselves or be left at home by themselves for short periods.

It's slightly different if siblings are involved, but honestly by age 11 you should be building up to leaving them for short periods.

How late into the evening (and how far you are away) adds another layer to this but within a short walking distance not that late?

It's a reasonable target not something you do straight away.

That’s insane!

I leave my 10 and 11 year old home alone for an hour while I go to work,dh is on his way home.

I don't think it's too young intrinsically, I think you being a single parent is the bigger issue - if something happened to you, he would be home alone for longer. Sounds like you're in an area where there are nice neighbours he could go to for help but it might be worth running through that plan with him

I’m not in the uk but isn’t this illegal or strongly advised against. I have worked in schools for years and I’ve three kids myself and honestly I’ve never heard (except in not ideal settings) of parents doing this. 9 is way way too young @Howdoyoulikeyoureggsinthemornin , don’t do it seriously. In a few years you can easily do this when your child has a phone and can call you etc. Do you have any time when your dc is in school at all? I understand how difficult it is when you have to work all the hours that kids are in school. I have done a lot of homework, Hitt training etc . It isn’t ideal but better than nothing . Also I cycle with my kids and that is definitely good exercise as they go a lot faster ! Please don’t leave a 9 year old on their own at home . I am far from a helicopter parent and my eldest is almost 15 and extremely independent but it was 12 with a basic phone for calling before I did this .

*home workouts

*home workouts

For me I would do this from Y7. I hope you find something that works for you OP, it seems like you need it.

I'm usually quite lenient with these questions but I think 9 is too young. I would say 11-12 at the earliest.

I would wait until 10.

When my DC were younger I would tell my neighbour I was going out just so she was aware, perhaps she would check in.

DC had the neighbours mobile number, therr were strict rules about answering the door and no eating/cooking allowed for fear of choking.

Nothing to do with age, it's all about maturity.
I know 9 year olds who would cope find and 12 year olds who would be a complete disaster.
Those saying 14-15 need to get lives though (unless SN are at play)

Talk about from the sublime to the ridiculous. I started to do it from end of yr 6 so just 11- daytime only. Quite normal for yr 7 children to be home alone for an hour or so. 9 is probably a bit young ( although I think walking the dog is fine) but 14/15 so yr 10 is far too far the other way.

I think 9 is too young to be left for that long in the evening - it’s dark at 6pm.

My y6 will be 11 in a couple of months and I have built up to leaving him for approx 1.5 hours when I take his younger brother to his swimming lesson on weekends. I started off by leaving him for 10 mins etc to go to the shop and built up to it. I’m a single parent too (although exh has them EOW) and needed to build up to it before he starts secondary next year because sometimes he will be coming home to an empty house (not for long though).

I would not leave him in the dark, daytime only.

I agree with your plan to start working up to it. I bet you’ll both be fine soon. Make sure they practice calling on the neighbour for help and know the plan B. They’ll probably never need it

We started leaving DD1 on her own in the house from around 10, for about 10-15 minutes and it’s built up since then. Now DD1 and DD2 are 13 and 9 respectively and I do leave them alone together when I nip out to collect DH from the station or similar, so up to about 20 minutes. I think DD1 would have been OK with being left for an hour at about 10-11, it does really depend on the child - DD2 will be 10 in April and I know she’s not that comfortable with being left alone at all so it’s not something we’re going to be pushing (although she is very keen to start walking home from school on her own!)

So in short, I’d say: from 10, depending how comfortable they are with it and also that they are able to contact an adult in an emergency - you mention your cousin across the road, this might be a good option if you’re not going to be able to check your own phone.

It forms part of a societal groundswell that makes things very, very difficult for single mums. An insistence that you can't leave your kids alone until secondary age PLUS an expectation from the DWP that you work 30 hours per week before that point PLUS massive gaps in childcare provision mean that we literally can't win.

What is the relevance of the dark?

I think this is fine if your child doesn't mind and you can check your phone or have one of those watches that send alerts - even better.

You can always start with once a week.

14/15?! Wow.

i will leave my 11 and 9 yos for a short amount of time providing they are in the right mood for it - I will leave them both together or the 11
yo on their own. 1 hour would be a bit long for me but I’d do 30mins without too much worry if they were watching TV or doing a quiet activity.

9yo I don’t tend to leave alone mostly because he is more anxious, but if anything he’s more sensible and trustworthy.

9yo I think is a bit on the young side to leave for an hour but it depends on the kid.