6 year old still needs so much parenting, normal?

[OhhDELICIOUS]

DS1 is 6 very soon and in year 1. School think he is a ‘character’ but have no issues with behaviour and academically he’s flying.

He just requires so much parenting still. Constant low level messing around, constant stream of noise, constant requests for attention.

Prime example was tonight. Came up for his bath. Went for a wee, didn’t lift the seat up (never does) and got wee everywhere. Therefore told to clean it up. Made an absolute song and dance of it and used up a significant amount of toilet roll and at one stage tried to put his whole head in the toilet water. Then joined his brother in the bath. After <5 minutes was just being a general pest throwing water around and trying to turn the taps on. Asked to stop once, didn’t, so he was removed from the bath. He didn’t like this and screamed and cried. But it doesn’t matter, next time they have a bath he’ll do the same again. Consequences just never equate to long term change. Then going down the stairs, he decided to lie down and try and propel himself face first. When DH realised and shouted for him to stop (in fear) he thought it was hilarious. Genuinely couldn’t seem to see the danger. Got downstairs and he immediately shoved his brother over, so he’s had another telling off and Lego put away. We are all miserable needless to say.

I thought by age 6 we might have found more of a balance of enjoying each other’s company, but he still requires just as much, if not more parenting as my 2.5 year old.

I was wondering if this might be ADHD, but from my understanding it isn’t just in the home? Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

To be fair, I made it perfectly clear I just don’t have the knowledge. I really didn’t know what to expect from a 6 year old. You go into parenting really prepared for the baby and toddler stage and then…nothing. I found those stages fine, not because he was amazingly easy but because I knew what to expect.

Apart from at parties when they are all off their heads on cake and fruit shoots I don’t see many 6 year olds - we’ve had a handful of play dates and that’s it.

He's still such a little lad and sounds just boisterous

Are you suggesting that no behaviour enacted by a child can be abnormal? Or have I misunderstood?

I too have a high maintenance 6yo boy (year 2 and almost 7). I had him tested at cahms at age 4 and they said he's typical, just hyperactive - he's flying academically, but a bloody whirlwind at home. Same usual behaviour as yours @OhhDELICIOUS down to the bath floods and random self carelessness/foolishness coupled with hypermobility.

The last 2 weeks he has suddenly regressed though and now wishes to be smothered with affection and treated like a baby - eventually got that out of him after some lashing out (from him). He's pretty good about eventually telling me his needs, just needs help finding the words. We've removed screens too. I assume it's a phase and he's stressed at school as they've removed in class play and it's all desks this year.

His little sister is a much calmer and more independent little person, refusing help or helping others. Still very snuggly and affectionate, but keen to be big and start school (next year). I assume the teenage years will be brutal with her...

Sometimes when they're giants (like my son) and you have a littler one to compare with, it can be easy to forget they're still so small. I have to remind myself all the time!

Edit to add that all his little friends are pretty much the same, except they're not usually so well behaved at school. Other mums at (our) home playdates often comment in surprise as they thought he was an angel child rather than an oversized spaniel.

At school no issue that we’ve been made aware of although we haven’t had parents evening yet and year 1 feels like an iron fortress compared to reception where there were regular updates at the gates.
At home I wouldn’t really say it’s an attention issue, as in he zones out or anything, but more if he isn’t interested in something he’s an absolutely expert procrastinator. But to be fair so am I…

He’s still really young and Year 1 is a shock to the system. They expect so much of them…
He’s probably working hard at school (as well as being a character!), not getting the play/outdoors time that he needs and all that energy and silliness is coming out when he’s overtired. Sounds like he needs to run, climb and get some fresh air after school.

Yes mine was still bloody hard work at 6. He is now 10 years old and is definitely way more mature in a way that makes it easier to connect with him as an adult! He is genuinely great to spend time with now but at 6, not so much!

DS's behaviour is more like avoiding/procrastinating than zoning out.

It sounds pretty normal to me, some kids are just more boisterous than others.

6 is still very young. I think that all sounds very normal and you are expecting too much too soon. If he is thriving in school I would say he's probably not ND. Like your teacher friend says, kids with ADHD dont mask the way children with ASD would. I have 4 boys on the spectrum at varying degrees of high functioning to severely disabled, I would say you would have a fair idea by 6 if your son was ASD. So would his teachers.

Behaviour can be abnormal. However it would be wrong to call a child abnormal.

Double post, sorry!

Welcome to MN - where all young children who mess about, act immature and do stupid things have something wrong with them.

Or try the real world - children are just silly. Yes, even at 6. They may look grown up and smart in school uniform but they are just ridiculous.
He won't be sticking his head down the loo when he is 15.

First post = autistic

Come on! He's just messing around! He's 6 ffs

this is MN - the dog would be classed as autistic if it does anything daft. or he is harbouring past trauma

I've got a family member who is 7 and is like this. Exhausting at home / with family. No problem at school at all. Their younger sibling is much easier.

They have had an ADHD assessment and it was concluded no ADHD.

It's hard work!

This is actually so good to read. I thought everyone would think his behaviour was shocking and/or we are rubbish parents. He’s just so high energy, prone to (lots and lots) of silliness and has no regard for his safety 🙈 it’s actually been super reassuring to know there is nothing wrong with him and he’ll hopefully grow out of it.

Year one has cranked up expectations compared to reception. He's being good at shool all day long where he may feel a little insecure.

He gets home where he's safe and secure and is letting off steam because he feels he can and has no fear. I'd regard it as good parenting.

All you can do is set boundaries, remind, live them, feed them and keep them safe.

Little consequences help. Mine were allowed four sweets from the sweetie jar after tea. If they were particularly naughty they didn't get them.

He will probably turn into a really boring teenager hahaha
No, you aren't shocking parents, but you are going to need firm boundaries and plenty of consequences. Praise too for good behaviour and kindness (which I am sure there is a lot of too).
Personally I'd get rid of the baths. Hyper kids can't cope with them. A quick shower is much better. The stairs thing is dangerous - he will need supervision. And as for the toilet lid - maybe put a funny poster up reminding him to do it.

My boy was exactly like this until about the age of nine. He was utterly exhausting. It’s just lack of maturity and personality. My DS has turned out to be an extrovert so I think a lot of it was a huge and constant need for human input. As he’s got older he’s learned to get attention more constructively!

Sounds normal.

My kids needed parenting into their 20s!

They're both fine now.

I grew up with lots of brothers (older and younger) and honestly this behaviour sounds totally normal for boys.

However I have young DDs and I honestly can't believe how mature they are compared to boys of the same age

8yo and 5yo boys here. He sounds totally normal. Boys have wild energy!

Him shouting at you through the bathroom door made me laugh. My8yo does this and with the random facts.. all while he’s supposed to be doing something else. All normal

I’m one of 2 sisters and DH has 2 sisters so I wonder if my exposure to boys is just not high enough to be equipped for this 🙈